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Today, after 3 months of no orgasms, I was in the shower, working to rectify that. As I was seconds away from coming, my dad loudly knocked on the door and demanded to know how much longer I was going to take. Probably another 3 months now, dad. FML

#21039460
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48966) - you deserved it (8377)

On 01/25/2014 at 12:42pm - intimacy - by sally - United States (Georgia)

Today, my husband decided to put different condiments on my body to make our sex better. I was thinking whipped cream; he was feeling ketchup. FML

#21039277
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51040) - you deserved it (5810)

On 01/25/2014 at 7:28am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I'm a 34 year old male who just got given the sex talk on my Facebook timeline by my senile mother. 5ML

#21038727
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45496) - you deserved it (5004)

On 01/24/2014 at 8:29pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, as my boyfriend went to go down on me, he felt it necessary to stop at my stomach and clean the lint out of my belly button. 5ML

#21038584
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38776) - you deserved it (21109)

On 01/24/2014 at 6:34pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, after a big argument, my girlfriend looked me dead in the eyes and said "I can go the rest of my life without sex, you know." 5ML

#21038360
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45440) - you deserved it (11434)

On 01/24/2014 at 3:24pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was going to have sex, so I went to my basement to get my builder bear that I had stuffed my condoms in. The bear was gone. My dad gave it to charity. 5ML

#21037839
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45120) - you deserved it (16409)

On 01/24/2014 at 12:32am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my girlfriend was spending the day at my place. Later on, I walked in while she was making lunch. She had a jar of mayo in her hand, and I joked, "I have some mayo, but it doesn't come from a jar." She had a bluetooth headset on, and was in a call with her father. 5ML

#21037484
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40482) - you deserved it (22319)

On 01/23/2014 at 7:10pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Alabama)

Today, and for the past week, my dog started barking at my door when I start masturbating. I think my mom is starting to suspect. FML

#21037288
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43722) - you deserved it (9906)

On 01/23/2014 at 4:06pm - intimacy - by fappy dog - United States (Illinois)

Today, my plans for having sex with my girlfriend were thwarted for the sixth time in a row by my own mother. I found out later that she's been reading my texts so she knew when to drop by and ruin everything. FML

#21035329
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50037) - you deserved it (9888)

On 01/21/2014 at 6:26pm - intimacy - by MM - United States (Maine)

Today, I visited my girlfriend at her place, one thing lead to another, and we had sex for the first time. Her normally very sweet cat now hisses and savages me if I so much as look at him. FML

#21034982
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42466) - you deserved it (7021)

On 01/21/2014 at 12:43pm - intimacy - by idiot says pussy (man) - United States

Today, I noticed that the condom in my wallet has been there so long it's left a mark. FML

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex. After a while, he started staring at my lady parts, and said my "vag looks like a mockingjay". He then stretched the lips apart like wings and made little "CA-CAW CA-CAW!" sounds. FML

#21033383
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55708) - you deserved it (8963)

On 01/19/2014 at 10:59pm - intimacy - by Goodyear (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my boyfriend started whispering "blowjobbbb" into my ear while we were watching a movie. When I asked him what he was doing, he denied ever saying it and claimed it must have been a subliminal message in the movie. FML

#21033101
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48008) - you deserved it (7499)

On 01/19/2014 at 6:21pm - intimacy - by Subliminal message (woman) - Switzerland



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