Sex, Wanker and Intimacy: Today, I gave a campus tour to a group of high school seniors....

By Anonymous - 23/03/2009 18:52 - United States

Today, I gave a campus tour to a group of high school seniors. As I was showing off the dorms, one student asked, "Are these beds sturdy enough for threesomes?" Before I could respond, another kid shouted, "How would he know, I bet the only action he gets in bed is from his left hand." She's correct. FML

I agree, your life sucks 109 040

You deserved it 11 806

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Same thing different taste

What a jerk!

By traumatized house keeper - 08/09/2017 13:00 - Germany - Munster

Today, while cleaning the hostel, I had to make some beds in a dorm room. There were three guys in the room, one of whom was sitting on a bed. He looked me straight in the eye and I gave him a big smile before I realized he was jerking off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 462

You deserved it 412

Get in there!

By Menareidiots - 24/02/2009 23:32 - United States

Today, my guy friend and I were in his dorm room watching a movie when he started kissing me. Things heated up so we moved things over to his bed. He was on me when a hand shoots down from his top bunk. His roommate had been up there the whole time and he wanted a high-five. So they high-fived. FML

I agree, your life sucks 90 789

You deserved it 22 680

By Arizonagirl - 06/11/2016 07:31 - United States

Today, I walked in on my roommate having sex in my bed, because apparently hers is "for sleeping only". FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 291

You deserved it 830

By anonymous - 08/01/2015 19:10 - United States - Noblesville

Today, after getting into bed, I found a used condom under my covers. I asked my roommate about it. She freely admitted that since my bed was comfier than hers, she had sex with her boyfriend on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 104

You deserved it 3 346

By ThanksMom - 26/03/2009 18:17 - United States

Today, my parents were helping me construct my bed. We ended up not having enough screws to properly secure the frame. My dad mentioned that it might cause problems if I got a girl into my bed. My mom said, "Don't worry about it, we all know that's not going to happen." FML

I agree, your life sucks 104 566

You deserved it 9 193

By Eeeek - 26/08/2010 21:17 - Bulgaria

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex in a rarely used room at school. We got carried away and found ourselves locked in. We slept there overnight. We woke up when the cleaning lady found us the next morning and were greeted by worried parents and school staff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 124

You deserved it 52 871

Great

By Jordan - 10/08/2018 14:00 - United States - Boulder

Today, I met the guy who will be my dorm roommate for the fall semester. One of the first things he said was, "By the way, I'm into self-massage, so don't get weirded out if you hear noises coming from my room a lot." Great. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 983

You deserved it 192

By lonelyguy321 - 27/07/2010 14:43 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to bed with three hot, half-naked girls beneath me. I was in the bunk above. Alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 260

You deserved it 16 586

Perfect?

By NeverGonnaGetAny - 23/02/2009 19:28 - United States

Today, I was discussing sex with my guy friends in their dorm when I asked one of them what he would do if I got naked and crawled into his bed. He replied, "Nothing. You're one of the guys now." They all agreed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 770

You deserved it 24 034

By awkward O_o - 24/04/2013 21:15 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, I found out that my roommate has a masturbation problem; the problem is that he does it in my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 781

You deserved it 4 921

bipolarchipmunk 0

Monday 23 March 2009 23:24

you should have said "**** you bitch, I'm right handed!"

ohhboyy 0

Monday 23 March 2009 23:25

slap him in the face with ur left hand see how he likes it

Comments

bipolarchipmunk 0

Monday 23 March 2009 23:24

you should have said "**** you bitch, I'm right handed!"

iarediana 0

Saturday 22 August 2009 2:53

im with ya! (:

Clare420 0

Wednesday 9 June 2010 22:07

haha I agree with 1

ijustreadem 0

Monday 9 August 2010 2:22

ahaha, that's hilarious

brandonlee69 5

Friday 8 April 2011 2:37

hahahahahahahaha

EPICROCKERNINJA 8

Saturday 27 August 2011 6:26

Haha

SWIGER 1

Thursday 20 October 2011 11:07

Should have said "Actually i get action from my left hand and right hand and your mom's right hand and left hand. YEAH, it is that big."

This_Guy 0

Monday 23 March 2009 23:25

Lol #1, I was just going to say that.

cyberhoy 3

Monday 23 March 2009 23:25

lol at least i get action from both hands

megalan 0

Tuesday 26 January 2010 4:17

very sad

sKarpunch 0

Thursday 15 December 2011 14:31

One for tweezers one for a magnifying glass amirite? XD

ohhboyy 0

Monday 23 March 2009 23:25

slap him in the face with ur left hand see how he likes it

TehBearJew 0

Saturday 5 June 2010 19:01

Win. Anyways, you should have said,"Your right, but you can be my partner." Reaction would be priceless.

noseasmamon 0

Monday 16 August 2010 9:56

John Marston!!!!!!! for the ******* win!!!!!!!

JeanNe91 0

Monday 23 March 2009 23:26

get fleshlight.

streetpattern 0

Monday 23 March 2009 23:26

I use my right hand.

xXjakalXx 0

Wednesday 16 March 2011 2:42

I use both bitch!

paigexox0 37

Tuesday 2 December 2014 7:44

Cool it, jesse

goodtimesx2 0

Monday 23 March 2009 23:30

what little assholes. you shoulda said that you don't have sex on a bed. maybe on a couch or on the coffee table ;)

karleigh 0

Monday 23 March 2009 23:30

#1 ftw

amirn86 0

Monday 23 March 2009 23:31

#1 AND #3 FTW #8 too, just for saying it before me

Syn_fml 0

Monday 23 March 2009 23:32

Well....are they sturdy enough?

Thabb 0

Monday 3 May 2010 1:53

FYL!

Keywords

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I agree, your life sucks 1 107

You deserved it 291

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I agree, your life sucks 34 939

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I agree, your life sucks 45 793

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Same thing different taste

What a jerk!

Get in there!

Great

Perfect?

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