Submit your FML story

  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick :
Categories :
Man or woman?
Email notification?

Today, it was my birthday, and my wife gave me a sex toy for self-masturbation. She even showed me how to properly use it so I can masturbate myself. FML

#2496205
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51913) - you deserved it (5296)

On 06/01/2009 at 10:06am - intimacy - by TeeJay (man) - United States (New York)

baron's life also sucks
Today, my girlfriend told me she was pregnant. We haven't had sex yet. FML

sweet_02 also deserved it
Today, I was talking this guy I'm dating and stated that the only reason I am with him is…

Top comments

Self-masturbation? Is there any other kind?

Lol. I'm sorry. I'm not usually a grammar Nazi on these websites, but I felt like being a smart ass.

Maybe she got it for you to spice things up in your sex life? She might like the idea of you using it.

I don't know. I don't really think this is an FML, but I'm sorry that you were unhappy with it.

#6 - On 06/01/2009 at 2:07pm by AndelleRae

See in context

+16 | 9

make a nice candlelit dinner and have her walk in on you eating with the toy, and ask her if she could leave you two alone.

problem solved.

jealousy is the best solution.

#20 - On 06/01/2009 at 2:29pm by andycaliboy

See in context

+9

Comments

Loading...

Comments

Speak your mind, but please try and be respectful.

Top of the page

You must have an FML account to comment.

Don't have an FML account yet ? Sign up to FML!



Allison Myres Perry & Jim Perry 's illustrated FML

Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • FML’s Roommates from hell
  • If we could, we’d probably all live on our own. Exotic dancers would do our cleaning and housework; bartenders would serve us glamorous cocktails with mini paper umbrellas in them every hour on the dot. We would…

Monday 20 May 2013

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on:

© 2008-2013 by