Intimacy: Choose wisely

Choose wisely

By limegreenpoopie - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Valrico

Today, my boyfriend's obsession with card tricks reached a new low. He barged into the bathroom while I was taking a crap and asked me to pick a card. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 893

You deserved it 1 603

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
Find out how a day off can turn into a series of hilarious, unexpected events. More…

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 14/09/2012 14:50 - United States

Today, my boyfriend tried to spice things up by sneaking into the shower with me. Instead, he walked in on me pooping. I only had the shower running because I was afraid he would hear me taking a dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 273

You deserved it 30 178

By anony - 27/02/2013 13:49 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend by quietly undressing and sneaking into the bathroom to join him in the shower. He was bent over taking a dump, pushing his turd down the plughole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 713

You deserved it 6 689

Just a kind of magic

By Anonymous - 15/11/2010 15:57 - United States

Today, my boyfriend wanted to show me a magic trick. He filled a bowl with wine, pushed it on top of the ceiling using a broom stick, and held it up there. He told me to hold it and left. Taking my hands off the broomstick would cause the bowl to fall on my expensive new suit. Eventually, it did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 226

You deserved it 12 487

By HK - 16/05/2012 22:38 - United Kingdom - Haywards Heath

Today, my boyfriend got mad at me because I refused to keep him company while he took a shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 997

You deserved it 3 820

By wtfuraretard - 19/02/2010 20:18 - United States

Today, my boyfriend called me over, all just to unclog his toilet. It was clogged because he put my phone in it while he was taking a dump to see if it would actually flush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 009

You deserved it 5 197

It's a witch!

By umm... - 30/03/2020 23:00 - Australia - Canberra

Today, I caught my boyfriend in the bathtub interrogating his penis and "drowning" it when it wouldn't answer him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 813

You deserved it 334

By Anonymous - 07/06/2016 07:45

Today, my boyfriend called me into the bathroom and proudly showed me how far back he could stand from the toilet while he peed. Unfortunately, he got distracted and peed all over the floor I had mopped just an hour before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 889

You deserved it 1 234

By Today - 07/09/2010 02:26 - United States

Today, I had to play Paper, Rock or Scissors and beat my boyfriend in order to get him to take a shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 294

You deserved it 6 594

By Sarah - 17/12/2012 12:25 - United States - Statesboro

Today, I had to break up with my boyfriend when I caught him installing cameras in my bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 635

You deserved it 4 729

By lillymean - 03/02/2012 01:02 - United Kingdom

Today, I reached a new low in my relationship: my boyfriend got so drunk I had to help him take a piss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 478

You deserved it 6 111

Tripartita 44

Saturday 24 September 2016 2:07

You don't want to know where he was going to pull your card from after pretending to mess up the trick…

WCARlover 34

Saturday 24 September 2016 2:12

He just wanted you to pick the number two while you were going number two

Comments

extrasnipes 22

Saturday 24 September 2016 2:02

Sounds like a very magical moment

Tripartita 44

Saturday 24 September 2016 2:07

You don't want to know where he was going to pull your card from after pretending to mess up the trick…

WCARlover 34

Saturday 24 September 2016 2:12

He just wanted you to pick the number two while you were going number two

9473820484 17

Saturday 24 September 2016 2:18

He want to make ******** a magical experience.

ragnarok1540 39

Saturday 24 September 2016 2:30

The cards are obviously just a distraction ... the real trick was turning your poop lime green!

claudiajean 24

Saturday 24 September 2016 2:34

Bit of a crap hobby to pursue. I hate myself too dw

creditless 14

Saturday 24 September 2016 2:42

deuces wild? I'm sorry, that was awful... I'll let myself out

wanted_2_want 40

Saturday 24 September 2016 3:14

If only there was an ACEhole card!!!

thatweirdasian 22

Saturday 24 September 2016 5:38

You're trying a bit too hard there, buddy.

captain_hero89 22

Saturday 24 September 2016 3:16

did he get your card right?

worldclassrager 39

Saturday 24 September 2016 3:25

What a joker....

Keywords

Love Friends Teenagers Embarrassing Sex Intimacy Food Work Revenge Parents Relatable Awkward Miscellaneous Weird Health Job interview Social Media Jealousy Facebook Relationship advice Kids AITA Roommate Shoes Annoying Music Names Customers Capitalism Money

The Top

Today, I went indoor rock climbing with my uncle and his 5 year-old girl. I'm about halfway up the hardest ascent when my arm cramps up. As I stretched my arm, my cousin yells up at me in her tiny voice, "Prove you're a man and climb that wall!" I fell off. I was emasculated by a 5 year-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 608

You deserved it 5 760

Today, I was at the hairdresser's getting a trim. The lady doing my hair commented on how beautiful and luscious my hair was, which made me feel really good. I later overheard her telling her colleague that hair as nice as mine was wasted on someone with a face like mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 026

You deserved it 3 364

The Top

Today, I went to lick the excess peanut butter off the knife after making a PB and J. Turns out the knife can and will cut your tongue, even though you don't think it will. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 762

You deserved it 62 515

Today, the rain was pouring really hard outside. I found this out when it started raining on me at 4 am inside my dorm room. Thanks college. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 346

You deserved it 2 506

Today, as I was taking my three year-old daughter home from daycare, she asked where her daddy was. I tried to tell her that I was her father, but she answered, "No, not you! My other daddy!" I've got some talking to do tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 688

You deserved it 3 975

Today, as I squatted down to get a snack, my pajama pants ripped wide open. I guess the universe is try to tell me something. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 435

You deserved it 1 850

Today, after a 7-year dry spell, I finally got laid. The downside? It was in my dreams and involved a character from My Little Pony forcing itself on me. Now I hate that fucking stupid show more than ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 153

You deserved it 8 398

Today, I was texting a girl I was interested in and we exchanged Instagram names. She ghosted me right after. She's the fourth girl to have done this to me in the past month. I guess I'm unattractive, but at least I'm good at texting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 808

You deserved it 409

Choose wisely

Same thing different taste

Just a kind of magic

It's a witch!

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