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Today, I started a part-time job at a nursery. One of the kids asked me if I was single, so I explained to her that I am with another woman. My boss fired me on the spot for "acting inappropriately". FML

By Anonymous - / Friday 9 February 2018 14:00 / United Kingdom - Poole
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Today I found out that my 21-year-old son has been using my face razor on his balls and butthole since he was 13. The best part is that he doesn't actually clean it when he's done; he just wipes the hair off. FML

By Damn - / Friday 12 January 2018 00:30 / United Kingdom - Manchester
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By Horror_girl - / Sunday 7 January 2018 14:00 / United Kingdom - York
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Today, I took it upon myself to treat my wife to the sights of London. Big Ben was being renovated, London Eye had no tickets left, and it rained all day. FML

By Inam Junichi Petrache Mahmood - / Friday 5 January 2018 00:30 / United Kingdom - Romford
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Today, I was so tired I somehow managed to use black false eyelash glue instead of my liquid eyeliner. Every time I sneeze my eyes become glued shut. FML

By Katxx93 - / Monday 1 January 2018 14:00 / United Kingdom
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Today, in gym class, we were doing leg exercises. Unsure how to do it, I somehow managed to kick the wall, lose my balance, faceplant, and break my ankle. FML

By Anonymous - / Friday 22 December 2017 00:30 / United Kingdom - Poole
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By Anonymous - / Monday 11 December 2017 14:00 / United Kingdom - Poole
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By Anonymous - / Sunday 10 December 2017 14:00 / United Kingdom - Bolton
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By Anonymous - / Sunday 3 December 2017 00:30 / United Kingdom - Poole
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Today, my boyfriend of 2 years went on a 2-week trip to Italy to spend time with his family. Thinking nothing of it, I decided to go to a Comic Con alone. I saw him there with another girl. FML

By Anonymous - / Thursday 23 November 2017 14:00 / United Kingdom - Poole
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By emayc - / Wednesday 22 November 2017 05:00 / United Kingdom
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By Paracelcus - / Wednesday 15 November 2017 04:00 / United Kingdom - London
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By Dontplayjokes - / Monday 13 November 2017 06:00 / United Kingdom
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Today, after being hit by a car, I got up and hobbled to work instead of the hospital because no one else would cover my management shift. FML

By Anonymous - / Friday 10 November 2017 18:00 / United Kingdom - Derby
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By ShinyLadybird15 - / Thursday 9 November 2017 00:30 / United Kingdom
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Today, I showed my dad photos from my first fun night out in ages. His response? "You look at least 6 months pregnant." FML

By sazz - / Sunday 5 November 2017 03:00 / United Kingdom - Shepperton
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Today, I woke up duct-taped to the toilet in nothing but a straitjacket. I don't remember what happened. FML

By Anonymous - / Wednesday 1 November 2017 20:00 / United Kingdom - Poole
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Today, at work, a customer I've never met before congratulated me on my gender transition and told me how brave I was. I'm not transgender, I'm just short and baby-faced. FML

By Shorty - / Tuesday 31 October 2017 14:00 / United Kingdom
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Today, I was having sex with a guy I really liked when he suddenly stopped and, while still inside of me, told me that he didn't "do relationships". FML

By "Ohholypuff" - / Sunday 29 October 2017 04:00 / United Kingdom
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Today, in the early hours of the morning, two of my wisdom teeth simultaneously began emerging. In my haste to get painkillers, I accidentally smacked my recently broken foot on a door. FML

By Ouch - / Saturday 28 October 2017 14:00 / United Kingdom
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Today, after my dad declared that Rick and Morty is a terrible show, I caught him watching it and laughing his ass off. He grounded me. FML

By Anonymous - / Wednesday 25 October 2017 05:00 / United Kingdom - Kidderminster
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By Anonymous - / Wednesday 18 October 2017 00:30 / United Kingdom - Poole
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By wait, what - / Tuesday 17 October 2017 21:00 / United Kingdom - Southampton
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By Peridot - / Monday 16 October 2017 19:00 / United Kingdom - London
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By SHUTCHINS - / Saturday 14 October 2017 12:00 / United Kingdom - Canterbury
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Today, I was chilling with my boyfriend of 2 years when, out of the blue and with complete seriousness, he asked me if I want kids anytime soon. This wouldn't be odd if we weren't both 14 years old. FML

By Anonymous - / Saturday 7 October 2017 19:00 / United Kingdom - Poole
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By mind your own business - / Thursday 5 October 2017 06:00 / United Kingdom - Leeds
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By Bawsack - / Monday 26 September 2016 10:10 / United Kingdom - Edinburgh
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Today, we got CCTV fitted in our store. My lovely boss told me he'll be spending his free time watching the footage on his phone to know what I get up to when he's not in. FML

By Anonymous - / Sunday 22 March 2015 18:19 / United Kingdom - London
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Today, a friend complimented me on my "smoky eyeshadow". I wasn't wearing eye makeup. She was complimenting the result of my insomnia. FML

By Tired - / Wednesday 2 October 2013 16:22 / United Kingdom - Bexhill
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