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Today, my 5-year-old cousin came over. We were on the trampoline in my backyard when he fell off and started crying and screaming. While I was trying to comfort him, my mom came out yelling at me for "pushing him off the trampoline" and grounded me for a month. FML

By Kate - / Saturday 17 June 2017 06:16 /
World
France

Today, now that my daughter is going through a phase where she can't sleep alone, I let her sleep in the room with me under the condition that she let me sleep. Message received. She took care not to wake me while placing about 30 stickers in my hair. FML

By Elmine - / Monday 29 May 2017 17:24 / France

Today, I went to fetch our bins after they were collected, only to scare the child that was trying to fit inside our compost bin. Apparently, she's not allowed to play in hers because she already broke two by doing this. These bins are $75 a piece. FML

By Anonymous - / Friday 16 June 2017 00:29 /

Today, I happily told my husband I'm pregnant. He happily informed me that very, VERY large babies run in his family, and even though he was born 3 weeks early, he still weighed 15 lbs. The smallest baby to ever be born into his family was his great grandmother, who was 12 lbs. OH GOD, THE PAIN. FML

By anne - / Wednesday 14 June 2017 22:02 /
World
Italy

Today, I found out that when my 7 year old daughter invites her friends to eat dinner with us, she charges them 3 euros for the meal and puts it in her piggy bank. FML

By Anonymous - / Monday 29 May 2017 17:18 / Italy

Today, my son's yearbook came. I was pretty happy, because I also ordered a larger version of his photo because he's going to California for college and I wanted a special picture of him to keep. Unfortunately, my happiness disappeared when I saw that he was wearing a horse mask in the photo. FML

By people will think I'm Shelley Duvall - / Wednesday 7 June 2017 22:20 /

Today, I'm a youth worker. I drove 7 hours to visit a teenage girl I have been working with, and who recently moved. Due to roadworks, it took me 2 hours longer than expected. When I arrived, she told me to fuck off and closed the door in my face. FML

By Anonymous - / Wednesday 31 May 2017 17:12 / Australia
World
Italy

Today, my four-year-old son received a 20 Euro bill from his grandmother. Since he couldn't fit the bill into his piggy bank, he tore it up into a bunch of tiny pieces to make it fit. FML

By Anonymous - / Monday 29 May 2017 16:43 / Italy

Today, my wife is threatening divorce because I won't hire her son, my stepson, at the company I work at. Even the lowest position at my company requires a degree in computing, and prior experience. My stepson dropped out of high school to "discover himself" 12 years ago. FML

By Anonymous - / Wednesday 31 May 2017 19:07 /

Today, my mom's friend came over. She brought her son and claimed that we could have bonding time. I ended up chasing the five-year-old around the house for an hour. After they'd left, my mom saw that the little kid had broken a lamp and a clock. She then said I had to pay for it using my money. FML

By Nickel - / Tuesday 30 May 2017 23:21 /
World
Brazil

Today, a month ago, with great sacrifice, I bought my daughter an expensive gift she wanted - a doll the size of her. We had a big party for her where she took the doll out of the box, threw it on the floor, and has only played with the box for a entire month. FML

By Val - / Wednesday 10 May 2017 16:01 / Brazil
World
France

Today, I was out for a walk with my family when we saw a sign that read "you are here." That's when my son asked, "how do they know where we are?" My son is 14 years old. FML

By Anonymous - / Wednesday 10 May 2017 14:54 / France

Today, it's been three weeks since my son found my old red dress and hat outfit in the attic, and like every day since then, he has been putting it on and bursting into rooms without warning and shouting, "NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION!" He's almost 18 and going to college in September. FML

By Monty Python's Flying Circus - / Tuesday 9 May 2017 22:37 /
World
Brazil

Today, I was getting a visit from a co-worker when my 6-year-old son came in to ask me where the ointment was. I said that it was in my room, so he went there and soon came back with a tube of KY jelly asking "is this it, mom?" I died. FML

By Scarlett - / Wednesday 10 May 2017 14:27 / Brazil
FML - The follow-up

Today, my daughter told me I should have had an abortion or given her up for adoption because I wouldn't buy her a pair of $300 shoes to impress her friends. She's only 13. FML

INDYSTRUCTABLE Say more :
hi, OP here! wow, I can't believe I finally got posted! Okay, so here's what happened. My daughter got upset because her 2 year old brother was wearing Birkenstocks and she claimed he would grow up to be bullied like she is by her "friends" because those sandals are "lame" & "cheap". I'm not wealthy but i do strive to give them what I consider nice things, or so I thought. For Christmas she got 225...
By "INDYSTRUCTABLE" - / Sunday 30 April 2017 04:07 /
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