FML : Kids, Your everyday life stories

By Anonymous - / Monday 16 October 2017 23:15 /

Today, my 1-year-old son walked up to me with a disgusted look on his face. I could tell he had something in his mouth so I pulled it out. He'd been sucking on a piece of cat poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Anonymous - / Monday 16 October 2017 01:30 /

Today, my dad's face flushed when I introduced him to my new boyfriend. I live in a small town, and it turns out my dad recognized him. He's the secret child from an affair two decades ago. He's my half-brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By anonymous - / Sunday 15 October 2017 01:30 /

Today, I offered to let my niece and brother stay at my apartment, as my brother was going through a rough divorce and had lost his job. After coming home from work, I found my niece had snapped all of my pencils and had ruined over ten years worth of artwork. FML

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You deserved it

By Anonymous - / Saturday 14 October 2017 20:00 /

World

Australia

Today, I learnt that my 2-year-old half brother is going to a private school while my brother and I go to a public school. My stepmom said it's for the best because "he's way smarter than you two are". FML

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You deserved it

By Anonymous - / Friday 13 October 2017 17:15 / Australia

Today, the only way my newborn sleeps is if I dance around with him strapped to me. Six hours and counting. FML

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You deserved it

By Lordofdance - / Friday 13 October 2017 16:00 /

Today, my mom borrowed my computer without my permission and downloaded a virus. I came home to a blue screen of death. She refuses to admit fault and pay for a new computer. FML

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You deserved it

By Anonymous - / Thursday 12 October 2017 20:00 /

Today, I learned how artistically talented my daughter is. Unfortunately, her favorite medium to work in is poo. FML

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You deserved it

By NooOOooOO - / Wednesday 11 October 2017 23:15 /

Today, I had to try to explain to my stepsister that it's inappropriate to ask to borrow my mother's wheelchair to dress up 'like a cripple' on Halloween. When I told her my mother would need the chair on Halloween anyway, she suggested we just carry her around for the night. FML

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You deserved it

By stupidstepsister - / Thursday 12 October 2017 05:00 / Australia - Canberra

Today, I went to my first ultrasound appointment. The daughter I was hoping for is actually going to be boy triplets. FML

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You deserved it

By Sam - / Tuesday 10 October 2017 16:00 /

Today, in the midst of an interview, I was asked what my best qualities are. I panicked and quickly responded that I can make a great Pikachu impression. They wanted to hear it. FML

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You deserved it

By Pika - / Monday 9 October 2017 01:30 /

World

Poland

Today, I became a father. I don't know how to tell my wife. FML

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You deserved it

By Timon Nowak - / Saturday 7 October 2017 21:45 / Poland - Grabownica Starzenska

Today, I was chilling with my boyfriend of 2 years when, out of the blue and with complete seriousness, he asked me if I want kids anytime soon. This wouldn't be odd if we weren't both 14 years old. FML

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You deserved it

By Anonymous - / Saturday 7 October 2017 19:00 / United Kingdom - Poole

Truthbomb

Today, I made my niece cry when I told her that snakes are just tails with faces. She won't stop. FML

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You deserved it

By DuckMan - / Saturday 7 October 2017 13:00 /

Today, I had an "accident" for the second time this week. I'm 21. I should not be having this problem. FML

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You deserved it

By Seriously - / Friday 6 October 2017 11:00 / United States

Today, I was crying after a bad day at work. As I walked down the street, a young boy in a minivan tried to get my attention. He kept saying, "Hi, hi, please wave!" in a sad voice. When I politely waved at him, I saw a group of kids in the van giggling hysterically and taking pictures of me. FML

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You deserved it

By Anonymous - / Thursday 5 October 2017 20:00 /

Today, I learned that my daughter will literally eat until she is sick to keep her father and brothers from getting her dessert. I also learned that my boys are sympathetic vomiters. All five of them. FML

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You deserved it

By castironstomach - / Tuesday 3 October 2017 20:00 /

Wild Child

Today, my daughter's quirkiness and eccentricities may have gone to a whole new level when her school faculty describes her as "no stranger to LSD". She's 5. FML

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You deserved it

By epic flash - / Monday 2 October 2017 20:00 /

Today, when I called my 2-year-old son over for a hug, he giggled and squealed as he ran over to me. He then stopped in front of me, punched me in my bollocks, and walked away quite happily whilst I was doubled over in pain. FML

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You deserved it

By "Omar Khalaf" - / Thursday 28 September 2017 01:30 /

Now I ain't saying she a gold digger...

Today, I was forced to sit silently through my 20-year-old daughter's wedding to a man who is 8 years older than I am. FML

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You deserved it

By Anonymous - / Tuesday 26 September 2017 19:34 /

Today, I had to explain to my 7-year-old son that it's not okay to smell others' "wieners". FML

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You deserved it

By nature - / Monday 25 September 2017 23:15 /

Today, I woke up extremely hung over on a friend's couch after a night of heavy drinking and partying. To my horror, I discovered that, in my drunken state, I'd allowed said friend's six-year-old daughter to trim my hair. I now have a bowl cut. FML

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You deserved it

By mushroomtop - / Saturday 23 September 2017 23:15 /

Today, my mom bitched me out in front of my friends because I had my first kiss at "such a young age". She's 15 years older than me. FML

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You deserved it

By MrDisgrace - / Sunday 17 September 2017 13:00 /

Today, I found my daughter playing on my phone. When I got it back, I saw multiple texts to my boss saying that I quit. FML

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You deserved it

By "GumStickExtraGmail" - / Thursday 14 September 2017 17:30 / United States - Arvada

Today, I thought it would be funny to mow a dick into my grandmother's lawn, but the mower leaked gasoline and now there's a giant dead grass outline. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Anonymous - / Wednesday 13 September 2017 08:00 / Canada - Grand Bay

Throw the bill at the kid. Do it.

Today, I was really excited that I'd made it the two weeks I'd borrowed my mother-in-law's new car without putting a scratch on it. I got off work to discover a customer's child throwing rocks in the parking lot. They cracked the windshield. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Deadmeat - / Tuesday 12 September 2017 04:29 /

Today, I showed my girlfriend some old home videos of me as a kid. My dad must have taped over one though, because halfway through it cut to extremely graphic footage of his colonoscopy. FML

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You deserved it

By RectalSteve - / Sunday 10 September 2017 20:00 / United Kingdom - Belfast

Today, my mom yelled at me for fighting with my younger brother. Not because she wanted us to stop, but because my brother couldn't find a good comeback to my argument. FML

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You deserved it

By petty petty petty - / Friday 8 September 2017 16:00 /

Today, a teenage kid holding a cell phone ran up to me and kicked me as hard as he could in the groin. After I fell to the ground in pain, I realized he was liveblogging the event and asking people to subscribe to his YouTube channel. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Anonymous - / Tuesday 5 September 2017 17:15 / United States - New Hyde Park

Today, at the mall, my 4-year-old son threw up on a man's shoes. When he approached me, I immediately machine-gun mouthed him in public. The man apparently is a doctor and concernedly said that my son may have a rare gastric disease based on the puke. I got him checked, and he's right. FML

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You deserved it

By one sorry mom - / Tuesday 5 September 2017 04:31 /

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United Kingdom

...but why?

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You deserved it

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You deserved it

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