Animals: Today, I invited a girl back to my house and she seemed cool....

By Urinator - 16/09/2015 18:26 - United Kingdom - Inchture

Today, I invited a girl back to my house and she seemed cool. I then left to go to the toilet. When I came back, there was a giant wet patch on the rug. The girl then blamed it on my dog, whose picture is on the wall. My dog died last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 732

You deserved it 1 911

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Same thing different taste

By kittydead - 29/01/2009 01:05 - Canada

Today, when I was at my girlfriend's house, I farted and blamed it on the cat. I forgot the cat died 2 weeks ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 933

You deserved it 37 293

Bad boy

By Really - 14/05/2023 08:00 - United States

Today, my roommate let his dog out. Not even five minutes later, she walked into my room and dropped a deuce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 708

You deserved it 84

By marymark - 13/04/2012 01:02 - United States - West Long Branch

Today, I woke up to a note from my parents saying we needed to talk. Assuming it was about the weed I'd left on my dresser, I quickly confessed. Turns out my dog died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 115

You deserved it 38 986

What happened?

By nayahbear24 - 27/08/2014 22:52 - United States - Trenton

Today, after coming home from a two week vacation, my dog was pink, there were beer bottles and used condoms on my bed, and everything was a mess. I asked my sister, who'd been watching over the place, what had happened. She just said, "Oops." and hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 201

You deserved it 3 922

By Lisa - 24/09/2018 14:33

Today, I came home from my vacation. My sister had been taking care of my dog and my apartment while I was away. As I walked in, I was greeted by a floor covered in poop and a destroyed couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 579

You deserved it 251

By Anonymous - 30/08/2015 00:06 - Canada - Newmarket

Today, I found dog poop in my room that had probably been there for days. My girlfriend, who was watching the house, said she didn't realize it was there, because she thought it was the smell of her own farts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 693

You deserved it 2 201

By jf29 - 31/01/2009 00:49 - United States

Today, I drunkenly buried my girlfriend's recently deceased cat. Later she asked to see it and came back inside crying. It turns out I didn't bury it completely and its two back legs were poking out of the dirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 642

You deserved it 46 760

Dusty Springboard

By Anonymous - 01/07/2009 04:31 - United States

Today, I left my dog alone in the house for ten minutes while I took a shower. When I got out I found a mess of dust all over the floor and her ripping up a package that was supposed to be sent to my aunt. It contained my grandmother's ashes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 852

You deserved it 7 932

This means war

By Anonymous - 24/12/2023 16:00 - United States - New York

Today, after I spent the evening at a girl's house that I'm seeing, I woke in the morning and put my pants on to leave, only to have her dog's poop roll out of the leg of my pants. This wouldn't be so bad if last week the same dog hadn't left the same treat right where I step when getting out of bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 480

You deserved it 135

By jrad - 08/09/2010 19:23 - United States

Today, I went to move my dog that had been napping in the middle of my bed for the last few hours, only to discover that he wasn't napping. He died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 829

You deserved it 3 546

dezman2000 21

Thursday 17 September 2015 7:21

It used to be "My dog ate my homework" not "Your dog peed on the floor" What has our world come to

AyeJay101 25

Thursday 17 September 2015 7:29

I don't even know what to say... I guess new requirement in a partner is if they're potty trained?

Comments

dezman2000 21

Thursday 17 September 2015 7:21

It used to be "My dog ate my homework" not "Your dog peed on the floor" What has our world come to

igive 29

Thursday 17 September 2015 7:48

That's a step above blaming a fart on the dog.

brownapple 22

Thursday 17 September 2015 13:10

catastrophic nervousness

Sansa_fml 38

Thursday 17 September 2015 13:47

yeah being lazy is one thing, but peeing on the floor is just weird and nasty.

TommyG493 11

Thursday 17 September 2015 15:31

rub her nose in it

bobslawnservice 16

Thursday 17 September 2015 15:58

Kinky.

DerrickJames 33

Thursday 17 September 2015 7:21

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

larrena2377 26

Thursday 17 September 2015 10:18

Obviously the dog.

wanted_2_want 40

Friday 18 September 2015 5:39

This time was the "bitch"

margehh 10

Friday 18 September 2015 5:41

Well the title is "urinator" so I'm guessing she peed on his floor

Nathan_Henry 15

Thursday 17 September 2015 7:22

Well that must have been awkward

Kibblesnbitsss 10

Thursday 17 September 2015 7:22

I'm so sorry for your loss, OP!

CynicallyAlive 13

Thursday 17 September 2015 7:22

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

MyGFisaturd 23

Thursday 17 September 2015 7:23

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

leogachi 15

Thursday 17 September 2015 7:35

@6 It was his carpet, not his bed.

Exvolmag 6

Thursday 17 September 2015 7:36

Maybe if you actuallt read the FML you would see that he said it was Rug she pissed on, not the bed.

Aedan888 25

Thursday 17 September 2015 11:32

It wasn't a bed it was a rug.

LiteralxShit 15

Thursday 17 September 2015 7:24

She got wet for you?

AyeJay101 25

Thursday 17 September 2015 7:29

I don't even know what to say... I guess new requirement in a partner is if they're potty trained?

FalloutScrolls 25

Thursday 17 September 2015 7:32

I'd just be like "Get out, or I will throw you out." What the flying ****!?

ryannmichael 17

Thursday 17 September 2015 7:35

Put her on a leash & call her your new dog

bdsmslave 18

Thursday 17 September 2015 9:08

This comment excites me on so many levels...

Chicagoillinois 18

Thursday 17 September 2015 16:44

Dirty xD both of you. I like it

Xeebar 28

Sunday 20 September 2015 6:12

Seeing this comment had my mind rewording it to "Put her on a leash & collar your new dog."

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The Top

Today, I was stuck with a coworker all morning while she had the "front farts." I moved to a different area after lunch, only to have another coworker start talking loudly about her boyfriend's skin tags, and how he likes to have her bite them off. I'm so disgusted but afraid to report it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 447

You deserved it 85

Today, I was with my boyfriend. He got up, shut the blinds and turned around to say, "I don't usually shut the blinds, but no one can see this." Assuming we were going to have sex, I took my pants off. He asked me what I was doing, then sat down to eat an entire tub of ice cream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 256

You deserved it 2 123

The Top

Today, I was in a hurry to catch a plane. I got halfway to the airport when I realized I'd forgotten my phone. I drove back to the house and searched for it. I finally gave up and returned to the airport, only to find that I was 10 minutes late for my plane. Just then, my pocket vibrated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 922

You deserved it 40 507

Today, while my teacher was demonstrating how to use the ultrasound equipment, we all figured out that I'm pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 188

You deserved it 11 764

Today, I was having sex with a girl. Things were getting pretty hot, so I decided to smack her butt. I missed. I smacked my balls instead. Real hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 801

You deserved it 97 655

Today, my family went to the Christmas tree farm, and cut down the perfect tree. When we got home we put the kids down for a nap and took some time to relax. We went out to the truck to bring the tree into the house, it was gone. Someone stole my Christmas tree from my driveway in broad daylight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 471

You deserved it 5 832

Today, my boyfriend of 2 years took me to get a tattoo done with his name on. He paid for it. After it was done he told me it was over between us and he thought it'd be a nice reminder of him for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 315 196

You deserved it 173 870

Today, I was masturbating lying on the lower bed of my brother's and my bunk beds. I finished jacking off and tried to get up to clean myself I hit my head on metal panel of the upper bed and passed out. Later woke up in my bed... found out my parents came home and saw me passed out naked holding a porn mag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 358

You deserved it 47 176

Same thing different taste

Bad boy

What happened?

Dusty Springboard

This means war

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