Love: Today, I hooked up with this man for the first time. He takes...

By banana - 04/02/2009 20:20 - United States

Today, I hooked up with this man for the first time. He takes his shirt off and has a chestful of black hair. He had his name shaved into it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 059

You deserved it 8 693

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
Find out how a day off can turn into a series of hilarious, unexpected events. More…

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 19/02/2013 06:19 - United States - New Castle

Today, I was hanging out with the guy I really like. I lifted my arms to put my hair in a ponytail when he noticed a hole that had apparently tore in the armpit of my shirt, so he put his finger through it. I haven't shaved in weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 189

You deserved it 55 560

By Anonymous - 19/05/2012 02:35 - United States

Today, I was at the laundromat when a huge, tattoo-covered man wearing nothing but denim booty shorts and a wife-beater sat down beside me. He stared at me for a while, before telling me all about how I reminded him of his "first prison bitch." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 492

You deserved it 2 356

By eww. - 22/03/2013 05:28 - Australia

Today, I kissed my gorgeous new boyfriend for the first time. I ran my hands through his hair; a multitude of dandruff rained out and five lice crawled onto my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 359

You deserved it 7 199

Discrimination

By joe - 02/01/2009 11:09 - France

Today, the only man who has ever fallen in love with me is bald. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 442

You deserved it 37 934

By maybe dead in a day - 20/01/2013 19:28 - United States - Buffalo

Today, my boyfriend of three days met up with me at the movie theater, sporting a crude tattoo of my face on his cheek, along with a love heart and the word "forever." Looks like I'm single again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 871

You deserved it 4 248

Mr. Smooth

By funkmylife69 - 23/09/2019 06:06

Today, I made out with the guy I've had a huge crush on for the first time. He wrapped his arms around me, and whispered softly into my ear, "I can't wait to bone you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 572

You deserved it 472

By Anonymous - 12/07/2011 01:12 - United States

Today, I met a really nice guy. He was funny, handsome, and we were both into each other. He told me his name, and when I replied with mine, it came out sounding like "I'm a bear." FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 947

You deserved it 16 359

Inked

By damnit - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, I got my first tattoo. It's a large broadsword which runs the length of my spine. I went home to show it off, only to learn that the hilt on my neck looks just like a penis when the rest of it is covered with my shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 937

You deserved it 64 670

By bojangles - 28/02/2009 00:34 - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend that I don't like his facial hair and that he should shave it off. He replied, "You first." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 269

You deserved it 47 964

By coop42 - 15/01/2014 19:22 - United States - Hortonville

Today, my boyfriend was playing with my hair, when his hand got caught. He ended up ripping out a handful of hair trying to get it free. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 104

You deserved it 6 076

Dr_Phil 0

Thursday 5 February 2009 13:25

I'm not sure how this makes your life suck. I think this is pretty awesome and am now going to go shave my name into my chest hair.

exceptyourheart 0

Thursday 5 February 2009 10:21

that's amazing. i'm sorry....but that's just absolutely amazing.

Comments

exceptyourheart 0

Thursday 5 February 2009 10:21

that's amazing. i'm sorry....but that's just absolutely amazing.

alliewillie 22

Monday 7 May 2012 23:19

"hooked up with this man"... YDI.

joedirtxtc 5

Tuesday 12 June 2012 16:51

At least she said man and not guy.

Dr_Phil 0

Thursday 5 February 2009 13:25

I'm not sure how this makes your life suck. I think this is pretty awesome and am now going to go shave my name into my chest hair.

pman590 8

Tuesday 21 June 2011 7:08

it'll take a long time to shave kahulaulauklaibini in

nonameisaname 0

Wednesday 11 February 2009 14:16

ROFL!

BJacobs 0

Monday 16 February 2009 13:46

hahaha, my freind patrick carved a big P into his chest with nair, it was so funny.... especially when his nipples started bleeding

Eir_fml 1

Friday 20 February 2009 1:59

I wouldn't have hooked up with him. I'd try to laugh to make him think it looks stupid enough, and leave.

holynemesis1208 3

Sunday 22 February 2009 18:13

that just took me back to the 40 year old virgin and the man-o-latern.

onions 0

Wednesday 25 February 2009 8:18

thats awesome

Chura 0

Wednesday 25 February 2009 14:29

i bet he was the 'latin-lover' type.. and i hope he had a name like francisco adalberto

klynn_fml 0

Wednesday 25 February 2009 17:51

EWW........

yougotboyed 0

Wednesday 25 February 2009 22:58

absolute legend

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The Top

Today, I began noticing a certain female name popping up on my husband’s social media notifications,so I asked him about it. He got irrationally upset at the fact that I pronounced her name wrong, told me she’s “nobody”, then said, “I hate it when you accuse me of shit!” I didn’t even accuse him of anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 563

You deserved it 74

Today, my husband pathetically tried to convince me that his “friend” has his Facebook password, and “hacks” into his account to message another woman using his profile. The dick picture he sent her by text message? His “friend” has his iCloud password and “hacked” it, and sent it himself. Right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 690

You deserved it 168

The Top

Today, I was walking down the street and spotted a man who was about 6 and a half feet tall passing by me. As he passed me, I turned and asked him "How's the weather up there?" He then turned around, spat on me, and replied "Raining." FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 844

You deserved it 127 626

Today, I'd planned a DIY 'treat yourself' spa day at home. I put on a face mask and settled to relax in a bubble bath. Just as I was getting out of the tub, I slipped on the wet floor and crashed into the wall, leaving a perfect imprint of the face mask on the tiles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 556

You deserved it 111

Today, my mother threw away my brand new headphones. She saw them on the couch with duct tape on the wires and assumed they were "old, broken, and cheap." I put the tape there to avoid damaging the wires. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 602

You deserved it 14 341

Today, my father came to my sister's place and yelled at her, "I knew it, you're such a whore!" because she slept with her new boyfriend. He's her first boyfriend in five years, since my father scared her previous boyfriend because of my father's possessive behavior. My sister is 34. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 811

You deserved it 101

Today, I learned I have a slight allergy to wasps when I cut down a dead tree they made a home out of. Half my face now looks like I'm wearing a fat suit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 823

You deserved it 372

Today, my boyfriend gave me a teddy bear. I thought it was a sweet thing to do, until I saw him open a slit in its back while visiting later in the day and removing a bag of weed. He gave me a teddy bear just so he could smuggle drugs past my parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 553

You deserved it 6 701

Same thing different taste

Discrimination

Mr. Smooth

Inked

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