Rule number one: never trust a fart

So what you're saying is that you lied like a dog to your boss about some shit that went down that morning.

My brother essentially had to do the same thing in so many words to his boss a few days ago. We both got food poisoning from the new Mexican restaurant. We've had a rough week. We are both beginning to feel somewhat better now. I think the worst of it is over. ?

I laughed at this for a while there, I was in tears. Ahaha.

Sounds like you suddenly have a shit zoo!

You can never fully trust that a fart is just a fart, especially if it's a long fart

Or you could have told the truth and he probably would have made you stay home because he wouldn't be able to tell if you were contagious or not. Now you have to create a dog, because eventually people are going to ask if your "dog" has gotten better. Then they'll be asking what he looks like, followed by personality, and next thing you know you'll have created this entire portfolio dedicated to your false dog.

Hmmm. so you were awake in bed before your alarm went off, and you didn't have enough time to yank the sheets off the bed and toss them in the washer and make it to work on time? How close do you cut your time to work on a daily basis?

"I shat the bed" must be an effective excuse for not going into work. There aren't that many bosses who are going to start questioning you over it.

Couldn't you have call and said you were taking a personal day/sick day because you weren't feeling good