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Today, I woke up to find out that last night I got extremely drunk, dumped my boyfriend of 3 years, bought a female ostrich, named it Frederic, and confessed my undying love for it via YouTube. FML

By Fml4evr - / Sunday 22 April 2018 00:30 / United Kingdom
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By no handouts! - / Saturday 21 April 2018 21:00 / Philippines - San Pedro
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Today, I have to clear up after an orgy from last night. That would be bad enough, but I spent weeks arranging it, supplied the venue and everything else, and I was the only guy not to get laid. FML

By Frustrated - / Thursday 19 April 2018 04:00 / United Kingdom
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Today, based on the significant time I spend at work, my phone is automatically labeling my work destination as my home destination and my home destination as my workplace. FML

By MKfml - / Friday 13 April 2018 12:00 / Canada - Toronto
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By Bbpoor - / Tuesday 10 April 2018 19:30 / Canada - Waterloo
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Today, I was incredibly bored during a long bus journey, so I played chess against my e-book reader. On the lowest difficulty. I lost 27 times in a row. FML

By Kotlopou - / Tuesday 10 April 2018 19:00 / Czech Republic - Prague
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By Si123 - / Tuesday 10 April 2018 00:30 / United Kingdom - Renfrew
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By UnComfortablyNumb - / Thursday 5 April 2018 04:00 / United Kingdom - Hatfield
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Today I found out my university incorrectly calculated my GPA. The threshold for the Ph.D. scholarship was 2.69, and I had a 2.68, so I did not get the scholarship. My new GPA is 3.34. FML

By Anonymous - / Sunday 1 April 2018 01:00 / China - Xiamen
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By Anonymous - / Friday 30 March 2018 04:00 / United Kingdom
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Today, I tried to remove my contact lens, but it wouldn't budge. Turns out I was pulling on my cornea. I now have a pool of blood in my eye. FML

By Seeing Red - / Wednesday 28 March 2018 13:00 / Canada - Millbrook
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By Broken Heart Girl - / Monday 26 March 2018 10:00 / Canada - New Glasgow
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By Andy - / Monday 26 March 2018 01:30 / Germany - W?rselen
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Today, I called in sick at work and went to the bar, only to find out that my manager has a second job there. I am now jobless. FML

By lolbahadur - / Friday 16 March 2018 14:00 / Australia
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By Anonymous - / Thursday 15 March 2018 15:00 / Spain - Marbella
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By Anonymous - / Tuesday 13 March 2018 14:00 / United Kingdom
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Today, my colleague Skyped me to tell me my tampon string was hanging out my shorts. I had just come from lunch with 5 other colleagues. FML

By Frenchiesaffa - / Monday 12 March 2018 20:00 / South Africa - Durban
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Today, I learned that when airport security jokes that he's going to eat your box of donuts, you should not then joke back that he shouldn’t "because the powdered sugar is really cocaine". FML

By You won’t believe what happened next - / Saturday 10 March 2018 01:30 / Denmark
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By Anonymous - / Friday 9 March 2018 15:00 / Denmark
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Today, after installing a clapper in our bedroom, my wife and I had some rough sex and the lights went on and off. That's how we found out about her seizures. FML

By Mr. Brink - / Friday 9 March 2018 06:10 / Austria - Wilhelmsburg
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Today, my crush asked to speak with me in private. He took me to a secluded area and asked if my best friend was interested in him. FML

By Anonymous - / Thursday 8 March 2018 19:30 / Australia
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Today, I cut my balls while shaving. They wouldn't stop bleeding, so I had to go about my day wearing a maxi pad. My girlfriend won't stop congratulating me on growing into a beautiful young woman. FML

By Painful periods - / Thursday 8 March 2018 18:00 / United Kingdom - Lincoln
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Today, I'm stuck in the middle of a red weather warning because of two huge snowstorms. I've been snowed in at work for three days so far. No sign of getting home any time soon. FML

By Anonymous - / Tuesday 6 March 2018 14:00 / United Kingdom
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By HungryBird - / Sunday 4 March 2018 01:00 / Australia - Peakhurst
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Today, my landlord called me to complain about me and my fiancée having sex too loudly every Friday night. Every Friday night I work the night shift. FML

By Phil - / Thursday 1 March 2018 01:30 / Germany - W?rselen
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Today, my girlfriend went out on a date with someone else. We're in Spain on a trip together, but apparently we're all done and she's seeing this person for the time we are here. I still have 10 more days. FML

By Anonymous - / Tuesday 27 February 2018 09:00 / Spain
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By Anonymous - / Saturday 24 February 2018 14:00 / United Kingdom - Pontefract
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By Anonymous - / Wednesday 21 February 2018 14:00 / United Kingdom - Poole
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Today, I got robbed. They took my stereo and laptop, but they left my car and a note that reads "Wtf is this?" FML

By Nessa - / Sunday 18 February 2018 19:30 / New Zealand
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By To shave or not to shave - / Thursday 15 February 2018 19:30 / Canada - Ajax
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