FML : Your everyday life stories

By Embarrassed - / Friday 14 September 2018 00:00 / Canada - Whitby

World

Today, I was cleaning out my little sister's bedroom as she moved out and left a huge mess. I found her wearable vibrator. FML

By Anonymous - / Thursday 13 September 2018 00:00 / Canada - Ottawa

World

Today, I was kicked out of an Ed Sheeran concert because my friend arrived wasted on chardonnay. She didn't care because it was her 17th time seeing him. This was my 1st time seeing him and 1st time being kicked out of a place. I was dead sober. FML

By Lindora - / Tuesday 11 September 2018 19:30 / Canada - Richmond Hill

World

Today, I'm afraid to show my face in church ever again after I farted too hard and shit myself there this past Sunday. I'm the priest. FML

By oops_i_did_it_againnn - / Saturday 1 September 2018 09:00 / Canada - Welland

World

Today, I was scheduled to work even though I'd booked the day off months in advance to take an important exam. Two weeks ago, I informed my manager and he said he found a replacement for me. An hour ago, my manager angrily called asking why I didn't show up. FML

By AtLeastIPassed - / Wednesday 22 August 2018 09:30 / Canada - Berwick

World

Today, I walked into a sexual health clinic to get checked for STDs and they sent me to emerge instead. After 6 hours of tests, I was diagnosed with testicular cancer at the age of 27. I never thought I'd wish to have gonorrhea or chlamydia instead. FML

By HalfSack - / Tuesday 21 August 2018 12:30 / Canada - Montr?al

World

Today, after he fought tooth and nail to win me back, my boyfriend had to break up with me. His parents found out he was dating while he was studying abroad, and are bringing him home. He told me that his parents knew about me and were really fond of me. FML

By Anonymous - / Monday 20 August 2018 13:42 / Canada - Markham

World

Today, both my flip flops broke when I left the pool. Since I was getting on the bus soon, I didn't think it was a big deal, but when it came the driver said that I couldn't get on without shoes and drove off. I walked barefoot for over an hour downtown to get home. FML

By Bad footwear choice - / Wednesday 8 August 2018 19:30 / Canada - Whitby

World

Today, I broke up with my live-in boyfriend after an emotional conversation and months of feeling neglected. He tried to have sex with me not even an hour later because he thought I was just mad at him, and "you usually just shut up about your feelings". FML

By Anonymous - / Saturday 4 August 2018 13:00 / Canada - Scarborough

World

Today, I found a conversation between my husband and some girl arranging a one-time thing while I'm away visiting my family in a few weeks. It's our wedding anniversary. FML

Bastard.

By canadianwife08 - / Wednesday 1 August 2018 08:00 / Canada - Winnipeg

World

Today, I refilled a water glass I'd left out on the counter and took a long drink. At the end, I felt something spongy and panicked. When I spit it all out into the sink, a huge centipede was staring back at me. FML

By Anonymous - / Friday 20 July 2018 12:00 / Canada - Ancaster

World

Today, my new colleagues discovered the videos I did in college when I was short of money and didn't know they would end up online. My friend even asked if I was "the guy who came after 30 seconds and was comforted by the director". I was that guy. FML

Desperate times call for desperate measures!

By Big Mistake - / Friday 22 June 2018 19:30 / Canada - Ajax

World

Today, I was instructed to make the "Staff Orientation and Training Manual" at work. It's my second day here. FML

By Peanutbutter runner - / Friday 22 June 2018 07:00 / Canada - Edmonton

World

Today, I came back from my prom and no one was home. I took off my dress, panties, and bra, grabbed the cake I'm not supposed to eat, and went to watch Walking Dead in the living room. My family was there already. FML

Oops.

By Anonymous - / Tuesday 19 June 2018 23:00 / Canada - Thornhill

World

Today, I got slapped by a woman standing in front of me in line after a little kid grabbed her butt. FML

By FFAce - / Saturday 16 June 2018 13:00 / Canada - Toronto

World

Today, a few idiots were fooling around and they knocked down a porta-potty. The thing is, I was in that porta-potty. FML

By H3lmu1 - / Tuesday 5 June 2018 19:49 / Canada - Vancouver

World

Today, I let my dog out to go pee before heading to bed. She just stood there and looked at me, so I let her back in and went to sleep. I later woke up to a wet sensation on my back. My dog let out a full bladder all over my bed. FML

Sorry, eh?

By snakes44 - / Sunday 27 May 2018 19:00 / Canada - Yellowknife

World

Today, while working at Lowe's, I had to deal with a situation in one of the bathroom aisles. Unfortunately, it wasn’t someone sitting on one of the toilets. It was two guys fucking in one of the shower displays. FML

Is home repair supposed to be sexy?

By Not paid enough - / Tuesday 15 May 2018 00:00 / Canada - Ajax

World

Today, I brought my car into the shop because it kept picking up speed on its own and I was panicking. A mere $200 later, it turns out I didn’t put my car mat in right and it was sitting on my gas pedal. FML

By Meganbear - / Wednesday 9 May 2018 09:00 / Canada - Toronto

World

Today, I found a receipt for lingerie purchased by my husband. He hasn't wanted to have sex with me in 15 years. When I confronted him, he calmly told me he wears women's panties and said, "You're making this an issue when you just need to accept it so we can have a good life." FML

Kinky Canadians

By Sweetheart - / Tuesday 8 May 2018 21:00 / Canada - Edmonton

World

Today, I was laying naked, face down across our bed when I asked my husband to crack my back. He quickly replied with, "Holy! I never realized that your ass hairs were so long before." FML

By dereksboo44 - / Wednesday 25 April 2018 23:00 / Canada - Brantford

World

Today, I checked my e-mail after being sick for over a week to see that I missed an important email. It said I got the job I applied for, if I responded to the message within 48 hours. FML

By sassy666 - / Monday 23 April 2018 10:00 / Canada - Whitehorse

World

Today, based on the significant time I spend at work, my phone is automatically labeling my work destination as my home destination and my home destination as my workplace. FML

By MKfml - / Friday 13 April 2018 12:00 / Canada - Toronto

World

Today, I bumped into my old university roommate. He's now a young retired BlackBerry millionaire. I asked if he saw my resume back in the day. He did, and put it through the shredder. Making out with his girlfriend during senior year was apparently very expensive. FML

By Bbpoor - / Tuesday 10 April 2018 19:30 / Canada - Waterloo

World

Today, I tried to remove my contact lens, but it wouldn't budge. Turns out I was pulling on my cornea. I now have a pool of blood in my eye. FML

By Seeing Red - / Wednesday 28 March 2018 13:00 / Canada - Millbrook

World

Today, my boyfriend of 5 years sat me down and told me how much I meant to him. He then told me that he's gay and in love with my best friend Miles, who he's been secretly seeing behind my back for over 2 years. I thought he was going to propose. FML

By Broken Heart Girl - / Monday 26 March 2018 10:00 / Canada - New Glasgow

World

Today, I went on a beach date, so I wore flip flops. When she showed up, she took one look at me and said, “I could never date a guy who shaves his feet” and left. This from the girl wearing socks with her sandals. FML

Fashion Police

By To shave or not to shave - / Thursday 15 February 2018 19:30 / Canada - Ajax

World

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend of six years with another girl. He tried to apologize, stating that it was because I "look too much like a man". FML

So helpful.

By Jess - / Saturday 10 February 2018 11:00 / Canada - Calgary

World

Today, I was having sex with my wife. Halfway through, I had to go to the bathroom, but she complained so I stayed. It was explosive diarrhea. I was on top. FML

By Dr Pepper - / Sunday 28 January 2018 00:00 / Canada

World

Today, I moved into my new place. My boyfriend and I were breaking in my new couch when, right as I was about to cum, the door unlocked and my parents and siblings walked in. They now know I’m gay and what my embarrassing fetish is. FML

Today, I was getting a bikini wax to prove to my husband that I could be sexy despite being five months pregnant. As the woman was applying the wax, she...

By sadCowboysfan - / Friday 26 January 2018 00:00 / Canada - Ajax

FML

The Top

Today, after faking my orgasms for several years, I found out that my boyfriend has been telling his friends that I'm super loose because he doesn't feel...

Today, I scrambled up some eggs and found that I was out of pepper. I used pepper spray instead, thinking it would be the same thing. FML

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, my phone rang. We continued to have sex while I took the call. It was my gyno calling to tell me that I tested...

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Nearly

Last week I was hospitalized due to a severe mental breakdown. I called my mom to inform her and she yelled at me because I was going to miss her big solo...

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to have band practice for our duo. I've been playing cello for almost a year and wanted to incorporate it. He picked...

Today, my wife and I got back from our cruise ship holiday. It was intended to be ten nights of relaxation and romance. The first five nights she had her...

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World

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New Zealand

Today, I went to the gym for the first time. I was nervous about using the showers because I'm embarrassed about my dick, but I felt better when I heard...

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Photos

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Spicy

Today, one of my residents was having super loud sex. I'm an RA in a college freshman dorm, and I had to knock on her door and tell her to quiet down....

Today, while getting dressed, I discovered that when my brother and his friends got drunk last night one of them wanked into a pair of my panties and put...

W.T.F.