FML : Your everyday life stories

By Big Mistake - / Friday 22 June 2018 19:30 / Canada - Ajax

World

Today, I was instructed to make the "Staff Orientation and Training Manual" at work. It's my second day here. FML

By Peanutbutter runner - / Friday 22 June 2018 07:00 / Canada - Edmonton

World

Today, I came back from my prom and no one was home. I took off my dress, panties, and bra, grabbed the cake I'm not supposed to eat, and went to watch Walking Dead in the living room. My family was there already. FML

Oops.

By Anonymous - / Tuesday 19 June 2018 23:00 / Canada - Thornhill

World

Today, I got slapped by a woman standing in front of me in line after a little kid grabbed her butt. FML

By FFAce - / Saturday 16 June 2018 13:00 / Canada - Toronto

World

Today, there was a swim competition at my college. During my race, my speedo started slipping. Not wanting to lose for the team, I kept going even after it came off. After my turn, I had to wait on the deck, totally naked, because coaches can’t help the swimmers. FML

By sadCowboysfan - / Wednesday 13 June 2018 19:30 / Canada - Ajax

World

Today, a few idiots were fooling around and they knocked down a porta-potty. The thing is, I was in that porta-potty. FML

By H3lmu1 - / Tuesday 5 June 2018 19:49 / Canada - Vancouver

World

Today, I let my dog out to go pee before heading to bed. She just stood there and looked at me, so I let her back in and went to sleep. I later woke up to a wet sensation on my back. My dog let out a full bladder all over my bed. FML

Sorry, eh?

By snakes44 - / Sunday 27 May 2018 19:00 / Canada - Yellowknife

World

Today, while working at Lowe's, I had to deal with a situation in one of the bathroom aisles. Unfortunately, it wasn’t someone sitting on one of the toilets. It was two guys fucking in one of the shower displays. FML

Is home repair supposed to be sexy?

By Not paid enough - / Tuesday 15 May 2018 00:00 / Canada - Ajax

World

Today, I brought my car into the shop because it kept picking up speed on its own and I was panicking. A mere $200 later, it turns out I didn’t put my car mat in right and it was sitting on my gas pedal. FML

By Meganbear - / Wednesday 9 May 2018 09:00 / Canada - Toronto

World

Today, I found a receipt for lingerie purchased by my husband. He hasn't wanted to have sex with me in 15 years. When I confronted him, he calmly told me he wears women's panties and said, "You're making this an issue when you just need to accept it so we can have a good life." FML

Kinky Canadians

By Sweetheart - / Tuesday 8 May 2018 21:00 / Canada - Edmonton

World

Today, I was laying naked, face down across our bed when I asked my husband to crack my back. He quickly replied with, "Holy! I never realized that your ass hairs were so long before." FML

By dereksboo44 - / Wednesday 25 April 2018 23:00 / Canada - Brantford

World

Today, I checked my e-mail after being sick for over a week to see that I missed an important email. It said I got the job I applied for, if I responded to the message within 48 hours. FML

By sassy666 - / Monday 23 April 2018 10:00 / Canada - Whitehorse

World

Today, based on the significant time I spend at work, my phone is automatically labeling my work destination as my home destination and my home destination as my workplace. FML

By MKfml - / Friday 13 April 2018 12:00 / Canada - Toronto

World

Today, I bumped into my old university roommate. He's now a young retired BlackBerry millionaire. I asked if he saw my resume back in the day. He did, and put it through the shredder. Making out with his girlfriend during senior year was apparently very expensive. FML

By Bbpoor - / Tuesday 10 April 2018 19:30 / Canada - Waterloo

World

Today, I tried to remove my contact lens, but it wouldn't budge. Turns out I was pulling on my cornea. I now have a pool of blood in my eye. FML

By Seeing Red - / Wednesday 28 March 2018 13:00 / Canada - Millbrook

World

Today, my boyfriend of 5 years sat me down and told me how much I meant to him. He then told me that he's gay and in love with my best friend Miles, who he's been secretly seeing behind my back for over 2 years. I thought he was going to propose. FML

By Broken Heart Girl - / Monday 26 March 2018 10:00 / Canada - New Glasgow

World

Today, I went on a beach date, so I wore flip flops. When she showed up, she took one look at me and said, “I could never date a guy who shaves his feet” and left. This from the girl wearing socks with her sandals. FML

Fashion Police

By To shave or not to shave - / Thursday 15 February 2018 19:30 / Canada - Ajax

World

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend of six years with another girl. He tried to apologize, stating that it was because I "look too much like a man". FML

So helpful.

By Jess - / Saturday 10 February 2018 11:00 / Canada - Calgary

World

Today, I was having sex with my wife. Halfway through, I had to go to the bathroom, but she complained so I stayed. It was explosive diarrhea. I was on top. FML

By Dr Pepper - / Sunday 28 January 2018 00:00 / Canada

World

Today, I moved into my new place. My boyfriend and I were breaking in my new couch when, right as I was about to cum, the door unlocked and my parents and siblings walked in. They now know I’m gay and what my embarrassing fetish is. FML

By sadCowboysfan - / Friday 26 January 2018 00:00 / Canada - Ajax

World

Today, during my annual performance evaluation, my boss responded to my career goal with, "Pfft! That ain't gonna happen." FML

By ThatGuy - / Thursday 18 January 2018 11:00 / Canada - Edmonton

World

Today, after thinking it over for 3 months and finally landing on the subject naturally, I was about to come out to my mom as bisexual when she said, "I have nothing against people who are gay, but people who are bisexual make me uncomfortable." FML

By WhoIAm - / Monday 15 January 2018 10:00 / Canada - Salisbury

World

Today, I was cleaning up the kitchen after a nice cozy dinner with my boyfriend at his parents' country house. I picked up the bottle of olive oil we'd used for cooking and spotted two dead mice in it. FML

By Lisbeth - / Sunday 7 January 2018 19:30 / Canada - Mascouche

World

Today, I finally found out why the water in my bottle had been tasting strangely minty for the past few weeks when I saw a piece of gum sitting at the bottom of it. I don't chew gum. FML

By RobotUnicorn1209 - / Tuesday 21 November 2017 19:30 / Canada - Hamilton

World

Today, I forgot to wear my shower shoes to my dorm shower. I didn’t think it was a huge deal until I walked in and stepped in something. On closer inspection, I realized that I stepped, barefoot, in someone's jizz. FML

College is gross.

By BarefootNoMore - / Friday 17 November 2017 00:00 / Canada - Ajax

World

Today, my horse and I got into a disagreement over the jumps. I thought "we" should be going over them. He thought "I" should be going over them instead. FML

Who won?

By AkaiKitsune - / Wednesday 15 November 2017 16:30 / Canada - Victoria

World

Today, at 10AM, I fried my $2000 work laptop by dropping a glass of water on the keyboard. One hour later, the IT tech gave me a new laptop with my former hard disk and I felt very lucky. Then, at 2PM, I dropped another glass of water on my keyboard. FML

By CathRoy - / Friday 3 November 2017 19:30 / Canada - Sherbrooke

World

Today, I found out that I’m the only guy in my family that's circumcised. When I asked my parents why they did it, they told me that they wanted me to be “different”. I have 3 older brothers and 5 older cousins. I finally get their helmet jokes. FML

By Why Dad? - / Saturday 21 October 2017 00:00 / Canada - Ajax

World

Today, during a romantic shower with my girlfriend, I slipped, fell, and took the both the shower curtain and rod with me. My dignity hurts more than my butt. FML

By "Alex Neiva" - / Monday 16 October 2017 19:30 / Canada - Toronto

World

Today, a guy tried a pick-up line on me and followed me into a nearby mall. He left me after 10 minutes, but later sent me a request on Instagram. I never gave him my name. FML

Insta-Creep

Today, my girlfriend was giving me head during the horror flick we were watching. Little did I know, my girlfriend isn't a big fan of horror films. It...

By wilmaa - / Sunday 15 October 2017 17:15 / Canada

FML

The Top

FML: Uncensored

Today, I was getting a bikini wax to prove to my husband that I could be sexy despite being five months pregnant. As the woman was applying the wax, she...

Today, I ran into my ex-boyfriend a few years after I slept with his boss and got him fired. He is now a multi-millionaire investor and won't take me back....

Today, after faking my orgasms for several years, I found out that my boyfriend has been telling his friends that I'm super loose because he doesn't feel...

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Nearly

Today, I met my boyfriend’s family for the first time. When I got there I was surprised to learn that his family are nudists (his dad answered the door...

Today I stood up too fast got dizzy and fell over. It wouldn’t have been that bad except I fell into the grandmother of the bride and pushed her into the...

Today, I missed the bus. I ran to the metro station in 45°C heat, slipped on dog shit, and fell face-first onto a staircase, breaking my glasses and front...

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World

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India

Australia

Today, I thought I was finally connecting with my new kitten when she was looking at me closely and letting me pet her. The moment was quickly ruined by...

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Photos

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Spicy

Today, I was sunbathing by my pool, totally naked. After a while I got a boner and decided to jerk off. As I was about to finish, I rolled over to cum...

Today, I had to awkwardly explain in a conference with HR, management, and my coworkers that the occasional bruises, cuts, welts, and choke marks are from...