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Today, I woke up to find out that last night I got extremely drunk, dumped my boyfriend of 3 years, bought a female ostrich, named it Frederic, and confessed my undying love for it via YouTube. FML

By Fml4evr - / Sunday 22 April 2018 00:30 / United Kingdom
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Today, I have to clear up after an orgy from last night. That would be bad enough, but I spent weeks arranging it, supplied the venue and everything else, and I was the only guy not to get laid. FML

By Frustrated - / Thursday 19 April 2018 04:00 / United Kingdom
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By Si123 - / Tuesday 10 April 2018 00:30 / United Kingdom - Renfrew
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By UnComfortablyNumb - / Thursday 5 April 2018 04:00 / United Kingdom - Hatfield
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By Anonymous - / Friday 30 March 2018 04:00 / United Kingdom
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By Anonymous - / Tuesday 13 March 2018 14:00 / United Kingdom
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Today, I cut my balls while shaving. They wouldn't stop bleeding, so I had to go about my day wearing a maxi pad. My girlfriend won't stop congratulating me on growing into a beautiful young woman. FML

By Painful periods - / Thursday 8 March 2018 18:00 / United Kingdom - Lincoln
World

Today, I'm stuck in the middle of a red weather warning because of two huge snowstorms. I've been snowed in at work for three days so far. No sign of getting home any time soon. FML

By Anonymous - / Tuesday 6 March 2018 14:00 / United Kingdom
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By Anonymous - / Saturday 24 February 2018 14:00 / United Kingdom - Pontefract
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By Anonymous - / Wednesday 21 February 2018 14:00 / United Kingdom - Poole
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Today, I started a part-time job at a nursery. One of the kids asked me if I was single, so I explained to her that I am with another woman. My boss fired me on the spot for "acting inappropriately". FML

By Anonymous - / Friday 9 February 2018 14:00 / United Kingdom - Poole
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Today I found out that my 21-year-old son has been using my face razor on his balls and butthole since he was 13. The best part is that he doesn't actually clean it when he's done; he just wipes the hair off. FML

By Damn - / Friday 12 January 2018 00:30 / United Kingdom - Manchester
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By Horror_girl - / Sunday 7 January 2018 14:00 / United Kingdom - York
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Today, I took it upon myself to treat my wife to the sights of London. Big Ben was being renovated, London Eye had no tickets left, and it rained all day. FML

By Inam Junichi Petrache Mahmood - / Friday 5 January 2018 00:30 / United Kingdom - Romford
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Today, I was so tired I somehow managed to use black false eyelash glue instead of my liquid eyeliner. Every time I sneeze my eyes become glued shut. FML

By Katxx93 - / Monday 1 January 2018 14:00 / United Kingdom
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Today, in gym class, we were doing leg exercises. Unsure how to do it, I somehow managed to kick the wall, lose my balance, faceplant, and break my ankle. FML

By Anonymous - / Friday 22 December 2017 00:30 / United Kingdom - Poole
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By Anonymous - / Monday 11 December 2017 14:00 / United Kingdom - Poole
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By Anonymous - / Sunday 10 December 2017 14:00 / United Kingdom - Bolton
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By Anonymous - / Sunday 3 December 2017 00:30 / United Kingdom - Poole
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Today, my boyfriend of 2 years went on a 2-week trip to Italy to spend time with his family. Thinking nothing of it, I decided to go to a Comic Con alone. I saw him there with another girl. FML

By Anonymous - / Thursday 23 November 2017 14:00 / United Kingdom - Poole
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By emayc - / Wednesday 22 November 2017 05:00 / United Kingdom
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By Paracelcus - / Wednesday 15 November 2017 04:00 / United Kingdom - London
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By Dontplayjokes - / Monday 13 November 2017 06:00 / United Kingdom
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Today, after being hit by a car, I got up and hobbled to work instead of the hospital because no one else would cover my management shift. FML

By Anonymous - / Friday 10 November 2017 18:00 / United Kingdom - Derby
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By ShinyLadybird15 - / Thursday 9 November 2017 00:30 / United Kingdom
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Today, I showed my dad photos from my first fun night out in ages. His response? "You look at least 6 months pregnant." FML

By sazz - / Sunday 5 November 2017 03:00 / United Kingdom - Shepperton
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Today, I woke up duct-taped to the toilet in nothing but a straitjacket. I don't remember what happened. FML

By Anonymous - / Wednesday 1 November 2017 20:00 / United Kingdom - Poole
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Today, at work, a customer I've never met before congratulated me on my gender transition and told me how brave I was. I'm not transgender, I'm just short and baby-faced. FML

By Shorty - / Tuesday 31 October 2017 14:00 / United Kingdom
World

Today, I was having sex with a guy I really liked when he suddenly stopped and, while still inside of me, told me that he didn't "do relationships". FML

By "Ohholypuff" - / Sunday 29 October 2017 04:00 / United Kingdom
World

Today, in the early hours of the morning, two of my wisdom teeth simultaneously began emerging. In my haste to get painkillers, I accidentally smacked my recently broken foot on a door. FML

By Ouch - / Saturday 28 October 2017 14:00 / United Kingdom
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