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By WhoIAm - / Monday 15 January 2018 10:00 / Canada - Salisbury
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Today, I went to a corporate event and lit my hair on fire in front of everyone due to an unfortunately-placed candle on the bar. FML

By Amy - / Saturday 13 January 2018 08:30 / Hong Kong
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Today I found out that my 21-year-old son has been using my face razor on his balls and butthole since he was 13. The best part is that he doesn't actually clean it when he's done; he just wipes the hair off. FML

By Damn - / Friday 12 January 2018 00:30 / United Kingdom - Manchester
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Today, while my boyfriend was going down on me, he started to really get into it and get rough. He tore my labia and I now need stitches. FML

By Becca - / Tuesday 9 January 2018 13:30 / Australia
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Today, I was cleaning up the kitchen after a nice cozy dinner with my boyfriend at his parents' country house. I picked up the bottle of olive oil we'd used for cooking and spotted two dead mice in it. FML

By Lisbeth - / Sunday 7 January 2018 19:30 / Canada - Mascouche
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By Horror_girl - / Sunday 7 January 2018 14:00 / United Kingdom - York
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Today, I took it upon myself to treat my wife to the sights of London. Big Ben was being renovated, London Eye had no tickets left, and it rained all day. FML

By Inam Junichi Petrache Mahmood - / Friday 5 January 2018 00:30 / United Kingdom - Romford
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Today, I was so tired I somehow managed to use black false eyelash glue instead of my liquid eyeliner. Every time I sneeze my eyes become glued shut. FML

By Katxx93 - / Monday 1 January 2018 14:00 / United Kingdom
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Today, in gym class, we were doing leg exercises. Unsure how to do it, I somehow managed to kick the wall, lose my balance, faceplant, and break my ankle. FML

By Anonymous - / Friday 22 December 2017 00:30 / United Kingdom - Poole
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Today, I received a housewarming gift from an easily offended friend of mine. I recently explained to her how terrible I am at keeping plants alive. What did she get me? An orchid. FML

By Orchidmurderer - / Thursday 21 December 2017 09:00 / New Zealand
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Today, Christmas is around the corner. I ordered my mom's gift in August to avoid Christmas shopping madness and hid it so she wouldn't find it. Now I can't find it either. FML

By xloverin - / Saturday 16 December 2017 01:30 / Slovakia - Bratislava
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By Anonymous - / Monday 11 December 2017 14:00 / United Kingdom - Poole
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By Anonymous - / Sunday 10 December 2017 14:00 / United Kingdom - Bolton
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Today, I dropped a ring in the toilet. The new engagement ring my fiancé gave me at dinner last night. The dinner that gave me diarrhea today. In which I dropped the ring. FML

By poopplop - / Sunday 3 December 2017 19:00 / Italy - Monza
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By Anonymous - / Sunday 3 December 2017 00:30 / United Kingdom - Poole
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Today, my dad bought me my first car. On the way home, he crashed it. FML

By Mbh - / Thursday 30 November 2017 06:00 / Turkey - Istanbul
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Today, at work, a mosquito landed on my brand new tattoo. Without thinking, I slapped it. Hard. FML

By ouchy - / Wednesday 29 November 2017 19:30 / Australia
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By "Stella5127" - / Wednesday 29 November 2017 16:00 / Australia - Melbourne
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Today, my boyfriend of 2 years went on a 2-week trip to Italy to spend time with his family. Thinking nothing of it, I decided to go to a Comic Con alone. I saw him there with another girl. FML

By Anonymous - / Thursday 23 November 2017 14:00 / United Kingdom - Poole
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By emayc - / Wednesday 22 November 2017 05:00 / United Kingdom
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Today, I finally found out why the water in my bottle had been tasting strangely minty for the past few weeks when I saw a piece of gum sitting at the bottom of it. I don't chew gum. FML

By RobotUnicorn1209 - / Tuesday 21 November 2017 19:30 / Canada - Hamilton
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By Toni - / Saturday 18 November 2017 15:00 / Czech Republic - Prague
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Today, I got into a minor car accident. No one got hurt, but the person that hit me was my father. Everyone thought he died 8 years ago. FML

By WaitWhat - / Saturday 18 November 2017 08:16 / New Zealand - Auckland
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By BarefootNoMore - / Friday 17 November 2017 00:00 / Canada - Ajax
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Today, my horse and I got into a disagreement over the jumps. I thought "we" should be going over them. He thought "I" should be going over them instead. FML

By AkaiKitsune - / Wednesday 15 November 2017 16:30 / Canada - Victoria
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By Paracelcus - / Wednesday 15 November 2017 04:00 / United Kingdom - London
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By Dontplayjokes - / Monday 13 November 2017 06:00 / United Kingdom
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Today, I woke up to a red, raised, extremely itchy rash covering my whole body, face included. I have an 18-hour bus ride to look forward to this afternoon. FML

By Maz - / Sunday 12 November 2017 15:00 / France
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By Joe Dirt - / Sunday 12 November 2017 07:00 / Kuwait - Kuwait
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By BetterThanWastingItIGuess - / Saturday 11 November 2017 13:00 / Panama - Panama
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