Today, I was planning a date with a guy I recently started speaking...

This is a Nearly FML. It’s an FML, nearly. It got positive votes from the users, by wasn’t approved by our team.

By Jenna - 21/02/2018 13:28

Today, I was planning a date with a guy I recently started speaking to. He mentioned bowling so I said ok, I hope you're up for an arse kicking... I thought I said that anyway. It autocorrected to arse licking. Great start. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76

You deserved it 22

Epic Easter: Chases and Chutes
From egg hunts gone wrong to unforgettable family dinners, Easter has never been so much fun! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Top comments

No comments yet.

Comments

No comments yet.

Keywords

Music Cute Love Coworkers TMI Gross Work Racism Customers Scary Kids Technology Gamers Geek Neighbours Miscellaneous DIY Relatable Social Media Ironic Cheating Awkward Sex Insects Animals Health Money Insurance Plumbing Embarrassing

The Top

Today, I sat down and worked out I get paid £26000 a year for working 40 hours a week. Meanwhile my boss gets paid £115000 to answer emails when he remembers to and to attend 5 hours of mandatory meetings a month, which he now does over video chat from his vacation cottage in Scotland. FML

I agree, your life sucks 467

You deserved it 103

Today, so… you know how sometimes girls give the weird guys a chance and it works out beautifully and they marry, have kids, and live happily ever after. Yeah, didn’t work for me. I gave the weird guy from work a chance and he asked if he could lick my armpits on the first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 465

You deserved it 99

The Top

Today, after more than six years of working my ass off, I finally summoned the courage to ask my boss for a raise. She just chuckled, "I'm gonna need you to eat a dick, John." and stared at me unblinking until I awkwardly left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 685

You deserved it 4 212

Today, I found out my debit card information has been compromised and that someone in San Jose, CA has completely drained my bank account. Joke's on them though. I was already broke as fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 651

You deserved it 1 356

Today, I flew from Texas to meet my new girlfriend's family in Georgia. Turns out her sister was a random hookup I had a year earlier on a business trip, she remembered me as the douchebag with premature ejaculation. Guess who’s flying home single? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 152

You deserved it 1 975

Today, my mom left for a business trip. Thinking it was a good time to throw a party, I mass messaged everyone on my contact list. I thought it was going to be a success. The problem with this? My mom is on my contacts list. She replied "I'll be home in an hour. You're grounded." FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 083

You deserved it 69 936

Today, my step-mother threw a surprise party on my acceptance to college. People kept telling me how delightfully shocked and happy they are for me. "UPenn" was written everywhere, when I really got into Penn State. Everyone thinks I'm going to an Ivy League. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 464

You deserved it 5 133

Today, I crawled under a table to plug a new lamp. When I tried to get up, I hit my head on the corner of the same table, getting me my fourth concussion in three years for trying to plug a f***ing lamp. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 171

You deserved it 4 684