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By Anonymous - / Monday 11 December 2017 14:00 / United Kingdom - Poole
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By Anonymous - / Sunday 10 December 2017 14:00 / United Kingdom - Bolton
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Today, I dropped a ring in the toilet. The new engagement ring my fiancé gave me at dinner last night. The dinner that gave me diarrhea today. In which I dropped the ring. FML

By poopplop - / Sunday 3 December 2017 19:00 / Italy - Monza
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By Anonymous - / Sunday 3 December 2017 00:30 / United Kingdom - Poole
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Today, my dad bought me my first car. On the way home, he crashed it. FML

By Mbh - / Thursday 30 November 2017 06:00 / Turkey - Istanbul
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Today, at work, a mosquito landed on my brand new tattoo. Without thinking, I slapped it. Hard. FML

By ouchy - / Wednesday 29 November 2017 19:30 / Australia
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By "Stella5127" - / Wednesday 29 November 2017 16:00 / Australia - Melbourne
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Today, my boyfriend of 2 years went on a 2-week trip to Italy to spend time with his family. Thinking nothing of it, I decided to go to a Comic Con alone. I saw him there with another girl. FML

By Anonymous - / Thursday 23 November 2017 14:00 / United Kingdom - Poole
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By emayc - / Wednesday 22 November 2017 05:00 / United Kingdom
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Today, I finally found out why the water in my bottle had been tasting strangely minty for the past few weeks when I saw a piece of gum sitting at the bottom of it. I don't chew gum. FML

By RobotUnicorn1209 - / Tuesday 21 November 2017 19:30 / Canada - Hamilton
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By Toni - / Saturday 18 November 2017 15:00 / Czech Republic - Prague
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Today, I got into a minor car accident. No one got hurt, but the person that hit me was my father. Everyone thought he died 8 years ago. FML

By WaitWhat - / Saturday 18 November 2017 08:16 / New Zealand - Auckland
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By BarefootNoMore - / Friday 17 November 2017 00:00 / Canada - Ajax
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Today, my horse and I got into a disagreement over the jumps. I thought "we" should be going over them. He thought "I" should be going over them instead. FML

By AkaiKitsune - / Wednesday 15 November 2017 16:30 / Canada - Victoria
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By Paracelcus - / Wednesday 15 November 2017 04:00 / United Kingdom - London
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By Dontplayjokes - / Monday 13 November 2017 06:00 / United Kingdom
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Today, I woke up to a red, raised, extremely itchy rash covering my whole body, face included. I have an 18-hour bus ride to look forward to this afternoon. FML

By Maz - / Sunday 12 November 2017 15:00 / France
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By Joe Dirt - / Sunday 12 November 2017 07:00 / Kuwait - Kuwait
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By BetterThanWastingItIGuess - / Saturday 11 November 2017 13:00 / Panama - Panama
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Today, after being hit by a car, I got up and hobbled to work instead of the hospital because no one else would cover my management shift. FML

By Anonymous - / Friday 10 November 2017 18:00 / United Kingdom - Derby
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By ShinyLadybird15 - / Thursday 9 November 2017 00:30 / United Kingdom
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Today, I was strolling along a sidewalk when I noticed that my shoelace was untied. As I knelt down to tie it, my brand new $1,000 phone fell out of my pocket and into a storm sewer. FML

By Phonessed - / Thursday 9 November 2017 08:00 / Australia - Balwyn
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Today, I showed my dad photos from my first fun night out in ages. His response? "You look at least 6 months pregnant." FML

By sazz - / Sunday 5 November 2017 03:00 / United Kingdom - Shepperton
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By CathRoy - / Friday 3 November 2017 19:30 / Canada - Sherbrooke
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Today, I woke up duct-taped to the toilet in nothing but a straitjacket. I don't remember what happened. FML

By Anonymous - / Wednesday 1 November 2017 20:00 / United Kingdom - Poole
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Today, at work, a customer I've never met before congratulated me on my gender transition and told me how brave I was. I'm not transgender, I'm just short and baby-faced. FML

By Shorty - / Tuesday 31 October 2017 14:00 / United Kingdom
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  Today, I heard what sounded like high-pitched feminine moaning coming from my son's room. I knocked and walked in, expecting to catch him red handed with a girl. He'd just beaten his high score on Flappy Bird. FML

By royallymessedup - / Tuesday 31 October 2017 05:00 / United Kingdom
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Today, I was having sex with a guy I really liked when he suddenly stopped and, while still inside of me, told me that he didn't "do relationships". FML

By "Ohholypuff" - / Sunday 29 October 2017 04:00 / United Kingdom
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Today, in the early hours of the morning, two of my wisdom teeth simultaneously began emerging. In my haste to get painkillers, I accidentally smacked my recently broken foot on a door. FML

By Ouch - / Saturday 28 October 2017 14:00 / United Kingdom
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Today, I realised that it is, in fact, not a great idea to put aftershave on your freshly shaven balls. Whenever I move it feels like Satan himself puts my genitals into a fiery pit of needles. FML

By Sonofaquiche - / Friday 27 October 2017 05:00 / Germany - Schweinfurt
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