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By Anonymous - / Thursday 12 July 2018 18:30 / India
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Today, I thought I was finally connecting with my new kitten when she was looking at me closely and letting me pet her. The moment was quickly ruined by her sinking a claw into my eyeball. FML

By FailedCatMum - / Wednesday 11 July 2018 23:00 / Australia - Drummoyne
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Today, I walked in on my sister having sex. On my bed. With my ex boyfriend. They both live 300 km away. FML

By YeahFML - / Saturday 7 July 2018 01:30 / Slovakia
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Today, I found out that my girlfriend of a month is actually my second cousin. I broke up with her. She broke my nose. Apparently “It's not incest if people don't find out.” FML

By GoT - / Saturday 7 July 2018 00:00 / India
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Today, I felt frisky and went down on my boyfriend, only to come face to face with a tick that had buried itself in his inner thigh. Killed the mood a bit. FML

By Ticknexttodick - / Tuesday 3 July 2018 05:00 / Netherlands - Utrecht
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By Eat that whiskey steak or else! - / Sunday 1 July 2018 20:30 / Spain - M?laga
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Today, my favourite vibrator got a good thrashing. Unfortunately, it was by my cat, who tore it to shreds. I guess she disapproves of my choice of leisure activities. FML

By XanderFierce - / Friday 29 June 2018 09:30 / Australia - Camperdown
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Today, at school, after returning from a very serious operation, a group of bullies stole something I got during my recovery - my new prosthetic leg. I still have no idea where it is. FML

By I can't stand leg puns - / Monday 25 June 2018 18:00 / United Kingdom - Feltham
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By Big Mistake - / Friday 22 June 2018 19:30 / Canada - Ajax
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Today, I found out I have oral and genital herpes as well as genital warts. I'm a 15-year-old virgin. I don't know how this happened. FML

By FML18 - / Friday 22 June 2018 14:30 / Spain
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Today, I was instructed to make the "Staff Orientation and Training Manual" at work. It's my second day here. FML

By Peanutbutter runner - / Friday 22 June 2018 07:00 / Canada - Edmonton
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Today, I discovered that my ex is still my emergency contact at work. I found this out when I fainted and my work called her. She told them to "pull the plug". FML

By Anonymous - / Wednesday 20 June 2018 19:30 / Australia
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Today, I came back from my prom and no one was home. I took off my dress, panties, and bra, grabbed the cake I'm not supposed to eat, and went to watch Walking Dead in the living room. My family was there already. FML

By Anonymous - / Tuesday 19 June 2018 23:00 / Canada - Thornhill
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By Anonymous - / Tuesday 19 June 2018 06:00 / South Africa - Johannesburg
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Today, I got slapped by a woman standing in front of me in line after a little kid grabbed her butt. FML

By FFAce - / Saturday 16 June 2018 13:00 / Canada - Toronto
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Today, I brought a guy home for the first time in a while. Everything was going great, and we ended up breaking my bed. To clarify: we didn't have sex, we just broke my bed. FML

By .22 - / Saturday 16 June 2018 04:00 / United Kingdom - Edinburgh
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By Maya - / Friday 15 June 2018 16:00 / Estonia - Tallinn
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By sadCowboysfan - / Wednesday 13 June 2018 19:30 / Canada - Ajax
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By Anonymous - / Wednesday 13 June 2018 00:30 / United Kingdom - Morecambe
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Today, I spent a good 20 minutes cleaning the massive shopfront window of my work outside in the scorching heat, only to watch some kid drag his sweaty, sticky hand all the way along it. FML

By anonymous - / Tuesday 12 June 2018 18:00 / United Kingdom - London
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Today, in front of my 6 brothers, my mother told me I had the smallest penis at birth. FML

By junkjunkie - / Monday 11 June 2018 11:30 / New Zealand - Tauranga
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Today, I gifted my boyfriend a $150 watch on his graduation day, but he was more excited when he got a $2 mug. FML

By julie - / Friday 8 June 2018 20:00 / Romania - Cluj-napoca
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Today, a few idiots were fooling around and they knocked down a porta-potty. The thing is, I was in that porta-potty. FML

By H3lmu1 - / Tuesday 5 June 2018 19:49 / Canada - Vancouver
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By snakes44 - / Sunday 27 May 2018 19:00 / Canada - Yellowknife
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Today, it’s my birthday. My family has spared no expense; cake, balloons, decorations, new outfits... nothing is too much. Oh, it’s not for me. They’re celebrating the Royal Wedding. FML

By RoyalFail - / Friday 25 May 2018 04:02 / United Kingdom - Wallasey
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By seriously - / Thursday 24 May 2018 02:30 / Romania - Bucharest
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By Anonymous - / Wednesday 23 May 2018 19:30 / United Kingdom - London
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Today, my own breast milk has caused my sensitive skin to break out into a rash all over my chest. FML

By Itchy - / Sunday 20 May 2018 18:00 / Algeria
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By Not paid enough - / Tuesday 15 May 2018 00:00 / Canada - Ajax
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By Sleepmonster - / Friday 11 May 2018 03:00 / Australia - Saint Kilda