FML : Love, Your everyday life stories

Today, I found out my soon-to-be husband and father of my unborn child is already married to another man. FML

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By Elayne Warthen - / Wednesday 25 April 2018 01:30 /

Today, the father of one of my music students asked me out to dinner via my work e-mail. I thought it was kind of sweet, albeit a little strange, until I got his daughter's instrument rental check, with both his and his wife's name printed on it. FML

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Raemel Say more :

OP here. While I definitely wouldn't have accepted, as it might make things weird for my student (who is only 11 btw for whoever thought I should ask her if her parents are together), he is definitely still married, as I asked him. According to him, they are separated, which I'm sure is not fun, but I live in a small town and I'm sure I would be fired were I to date a married person. I explained that...

By no thanks - / Tuesday 24 April 2018 00:54 /

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend of 2 years and my best friend of 10 years making out in my bedroom. I stared and when they noticed me, my boyfriend didn’t even bat an eye and suggested we have a threesome. My best friend immediately agreed. FML

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By TheThirdWheel - / Monday 23 April 2018 05:00 /

Friendzone 2.0

Today, I finally got the courage to ask my best friend to go on a date with me. She assumed I meant a double date and squealed, "Who's the lucky guy?!" She thought I was her gay best friend for the past year. FML

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By NeverNumberOne - / Monday 23 April 2018 01:30 /

World

Today, I woke up to find out that last night I got extremely drunk, dumped my boyfriend of 3 years, bought a female ostrich, named it Frederic, and confessed my undying love for it via YouTube. FML

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By Fml4evr - / Sunday 22 April 2018 00:30 / United Kingdom

Today, my husband got jealous of my new vibrator. I got the vibrator to "spice things up" between us, because he hasn't touched me in months. FML

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By Anonymous - / Saturday 21 April 2018 05:00 /

Today, I've been dating my boyfriend for 6 years. I've had a really bad week and am feeling depressed, and he knows this. He's also just decided to tell me he has a two-month-old daughter. We do not have an open relationship. FML

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By Fucked4life - / Wednesday 18 April 2018 20:30 /

Today, after spending 12 hours desperately searching everywhere I could think of, I'm forced to admit I left my wedding ring in the bathroom of the hotel suite we just spent our honeymoon in, on the literal other side of the planet. I am a dead man. FML

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By Anonymous - / Wednesday 18 April 2018 15:00 /

Today, I bought a tail for my girlfriend to dress as a cat at a hen party. She put the box in her suitcase, then left to catch her plane. I checked my purchase history and realised it's a cat tail butt plug. Now she keeps ringing me, but I'm too chicken to answer the phone. FML

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By Honest mistake - / Wednesday 18 April 2018 05:00 /

Today, my wife sent me a text expressing her "love and thinking to the future with you, Chad". Too bad my name isn't Chad. FML

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By Anonymous - / Monday 16 April 2018 19:00 /

Today, my husband popped out to the hotel gym while I jumped in the shower. After a while I heard a knock on the door. Thinking it was him, I cheekily opened the door in my naked glory to be greeted by the maid. I didn’t know do-not-disturb signs aren’t double sided. FML

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By Fifi - / Monday 16 April 2018 05:00 /

Today, I drove 2 hours to spend the night with a man who I have been seeing for a few weeks. We had sex for the first time. About an hour later, he told me he wasn't really into me and asked to be friends. Then, he apologised because he has herpes. FML

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By stdfree_hopefully - / Sunday 15 April 2018 06:00 /

WTF?

Today, I went to my fiancé's mother's funeral. His step-sister proudly announced that she's pregnant with his baby and they are engaged. FML

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By Anonymous - / Sunday 15 April 2018 01:30 /

Today, my wedding limo driver got high and forgot to pick us up, so the photographers gave us a ride back to the venue from the photo shoot. Three bridesmaids, a flower girl, and I, in my full wedding dress, had to fit in the back of the 1997 Toyota Camry. FML

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By happybride - / Friday 13 April 2018 01:30 /

Today, after 11 years together, including 8 years of engagement and 3.5 months of marriage, I found out he had sex with his ex-girlfriend on my birthday. He's now leaving me and our kids to be with her because she's his "soul mate". FML

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By Anonymous - / Thursday 12 April 2018 15:00 /

Today, the girl who'd asked me to prom told me she assumed we weren't going together and is now going with her friends. After agreeing to go with her, I'd bought a $200 non-refundable suit along with the ticket. I have no one else to go with. FML

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By horribletimeeverywhere74747 - / Wednesday 11 April 2018 13:00 / United States - Navarre

Today, I asked my girlfriend of 8 years if we should get a bigger place. She responded by insisting she get her own place. FML

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By Loveless - / Monday 9 April 2018 13:00 / United States - Ashland

Kinky.

Today, after I got fed up and told my bullying step-brother exactly what I thought of him, he became overly polite. He then admitted that me shouting at him was the most turned on he's ever been in his life. Now he loves me and wants to be my "submissive" boyfriend. FML

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By Therapy needed urgently - / Sunday 8 April 2018 19:00 /

Meep Meep

Today, I had to do a Google Image search to prove to my 32-year-old husband that road runners are real animals, and not just made up for Looney Toons. FML

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By MeepMeep - / Sunday 8 April 2018 01:30 /

Today, my girlfriend did the whole "break up with your boyfriend and kick him out of the house" thing from the movies. Except it's my house. She kept my stuff. FML

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By Anonymous - / Saturday 7 April 2018 15:00 /

Today, my Tinder date arranged an Uber to pick her up before we had even finished our appetizers. She was so bored she couldn't be bothered to stay for the whole meal. FML

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By post valentines depression - / Saturday 7 April 2018 01:30 /

Today, I surprised my girlfriend of 3 years with Stone Sour and Korn tickets, since I knew how badly she wanted to go. She responded by asking if we could go as just friends. FML

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By TheComedyAudio - / Friday 6 April 2018 01:30 /

World

Uncomfortably Numb

Today, I bought variety condoms. I chose one called "Endurance" thinking it would be extra strong, put it on him, and gave it a suck. I realised my mistake when my lips and mouth went numb. It has benzocaine on to delay him. I still can't feel my mouth. FML

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By UnComfortablyNumb - / Thursday 5 April 2018 04:00 / United Kingdom - Hatfield

Today, my girlfriend of 6 years broke up with me because she's feeling "emotionally unstable". It could be that, but maybe it has more to do with the fact her ex-boyfriend contacted her a week ago. FML

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By onymus - / Wednesday 4 April 2018 19:00 /

Today, I was doing a PowerPoint presentation in front of my whole class, when I accidentally clicked on the folder that has zillions of pictures of my crush. He's one of my classmates. FML

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By notyouraverage - / Tuesday 3 April 2018 19:00 /

Today, my boyfriend put chili powder on our loo roll as a "harmless" prank. He forgot women use loo roll to wipe the sensitive parts of their bodies. I have itchy weeping sores inside my vagina and am considering sticking an ice cube up there to stop the burning. FML

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By Anonymous - / Tuesday 3 April 2018 05:00 /

Douchebag Alert!

Today, my brother bragged about the number of break-up texts he sent this week while driving. I don't know what's worse, the fact that he was dating 3 girls, that he broke up with them over text, that he was texting and driving, or that he's proud of his actions. FML

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By amy - / Monday 2 April 2018 09:00 / United States

No Chick-Hating on Easter!

Today, I proposed to my boyfriend of 13 years. He broke up with me because "Chicks can't propose, that's gay!" FML

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By Anonymous - / Sunday 1 April 2018 19:00 /

Today, my boyfriend took me to my first session of Dungeons and Dragons, which I had been excited about for weeks. I picked it up quickly, but my rolls were so bad that I "embarrassed" my boyfriend. He won't be taking me to any future sessions. FML

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By mia - / Sunday 1 April 2018 01:30 /

Today, I met the "cute guy" I've been chatting with online for a few months. He never smiled in pics, but I didn't think anything of it until I got to his place and he started talking. He didn't have a single tooth in his mouth. FML

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By Catfish - / Thursday 29 March 2018 01:30 /

Happy birthday !

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Today, I checked my e-mail after being sick for over a week to see that I missed an important email. It said I got the job I applied for, if I responded...

Today, I woke up to find out that last night I got extremely drunk, dumped my boyfriend of 3 years, bought a female ostrich, named it Frederic, and confessed...

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Today, I drove 2 hours to spend the night with a man who I have been seeing for a few weeks. We had sex for the first time. About an hour later, he told...

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