FML : Kids, Your everyday life stories

Today, I asked my mom if I could go to a friend's birthday. She said no, claiming I had been to too many this year already. I'd only been to one. It was my own. FML

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By "doyouwantmedead" - / Monday 21 August 2017 12:00 / United Kingdom - Northolt

Today, my daughter decided to draw me a heart for my birthday. Unfortunately, she drew it on the side of my car. With a rock. FML

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By Whywhywhy - / Sunday 20 August 2017 13:01 /

Today, my 3-year-old son put into practice the lesson I taught him yesterday, about how to use a larger piece of Play-Doh to pick up smaller bits. Unfortunately, he used this method to pick up a small bit of poo from his pants with a larger bit of poo direct from the toilet. I was an hour late for work. FML

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By Anonymous - / Wednesday 16 August 2017 16:00 /

Today, while riding around the lake, a pair of kids thought it was okay to take turns yanking my horse's tail and running away so they didn't get kicked. When I told the parents not to let their kids do that, they said that I shouldn't be riding if I can't "control my beast". FML

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By AkaiKitsune - / Saturday 12 August 2017 11:00 / Canada - Victoria

Doggone It

Today, my 3-year-old pooped on the floor and blamed it on the dog. How do I know? We don't have a dog. FML

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By "smonds13" - / Wednesday 9 August 2017 00:29 /

Today, my 2 year old is being potty trained. He got the gist of it and actually did #1 and #2 in the potty and after our little celebratory dance, I went to get him a cookie (it took me 2 seconds). I come back to see him covered in shit and pee because he tried to go empty the potty himself. FML

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You deserved it

By NeverEndingBathtime_ - / Thursday 3 August 2017 20:00 /

Mommy Goes Commando

Today, I went to a restaurant with my family. My five year old goes under the table and says "Mommy! You forgot to wear underwear!" FML

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By Anonymous - / Thursday 3 August 2017 13:00 /

Everybody wants to be a cat

Today, I caught my 10 year-old in the closet, naked, on his hands and knees, eating cat food straight from the bag. He'd torn a hole in the side of the bag, cat food was everywhere. We have plenty of food in the house, but he wants to be a cat. FML

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By azouwa - / Saturday 29 July 2017 05:00 /

Today, I asked my dad if he'd like to go fishing together, but he said he was busy with errands. Later, in a casual conversation with my friend, she opened up her phone to show me pictures of her fishing with my dad. FML

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By Ruby Lore - / Thursday 20 July 2017 00:31 /

Today, my 8-year-old nephew told me he liked the way I smelt. Apparently I smell like "cat food and cheese." FML

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By Zedscar - / Saturday 15 July 2017 22:30 / United States - Martinsburg

Today, someone called wanting to talk to my son. My 6-week-old baby is receiving more phone calls than I am. FML

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You deserved it

onyinye Say more :

Hi, OP here. Someone called and went like "Can I talk to Mr. N****, please?". At first I thought he meant my husband, but it turned out to be my son. I said "Well, I don't think you can talk to him, he is just six weeks old. So you might want to talk to me instead". Turns out he was the assistant of the specialist I had made an appointment with because of an issue with my son's spine (something went...

By onye - / Tuesday 11 July 2017 01:53 /