Intimacy: Today, my friends hired a male stripper to give me a lap dance...

By polebitch49 - 14/03/2014 20:45 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my friends hired a male stripper to give me a lap dance for my birthday. It was all pretty nice until he let rip one of the most nauseating farts I've ever encountered, right in my face. Hours later, I can still smell it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 060

You deserved it 7 462

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Same thing different taste

By anonymous - 14/03/2012 05:18 - Canada

Today, I was sitting on the couch with my fiancé, when he jumped up and viciously sat on my face. I then heard, smelled, and tasted the most violent, horrific fart known to man. I still can't get the taste out of my mouth, and he can't stop laughing. I'm getting married to this guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 051

You deserved it 14 170

By Anonymous - 19/11/2017 06:00

Today, in the middle of sex, I was desperate for a fart but tried to hold it in so we weren't forced to stop halfway. Unfortunately, I accidentally let the fart escape, along with runny diarrhea all over my husbands legs and groin. The smell caused him to vomit all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 500

You deserved it 2 805

By Anonymous - 27/10/2009 10:28 - United Kingdom

Today, in the gym, as I bent over to pick up my weights an old man farted right in my face. The stench was appalling. To make matters worse, a girl I've fancied for ages thought it was me and reported it to the instructor. I was told to leave for 'anti-social behavior'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 613

You deserved it 2 938

Gross, dude

By Anonymous - 06/11/2018 03:00

Today, I took my date home for sex after quite a long dry spell. As he took off his shoes, I was hit right in the nose by the most disgusting foot odour I've ever encountered. It was so bad I forgot all about sex and threw him out. That was 3 hours ago and I can still smell it on the carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 133

You deserved it 524

By stink - 01/07/2015 02:40 - Australia - Sydney

Today, after working alone in a room all day, I let a fart sneak out. Just then, my drop dead gorgeous boss and two new girls walked in. I could literally see them hit the stench and cringe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 446

You deserved it 4 980

A load of hot air

By SkipBeatOtaku - 16/05/2020 20:00

Today, I was having hot sex with my boyfriend. Then, I felt a puff of air hit my face and a rancid smell. My dog had farted in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 711

You deserved it 696

By Anonymous - 01/03/2010 22:04 - United States

Today, a really hot guy smacked my ass. I farted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 724

You deserved it 10 923

Sounds like quite the catch

By Brooke - 14/08/2015 16:50 - United States - San Francisco

Today, a cute guy approached me at a nightclub. I was really excited, until he drunkenly slurred, "Babe, I'd suck the farts from your asshole!" and then threw up everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 778

You deserved it 2 347

Love is in the air

By Rydia - 31/10/2020 05:01

Today, my fiancé hugged me so tight that I couldn't move, said he loved me, let out a loud, obnoxious and smelly fart cloud and made me breathe it in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 957

You deserved it 194

By Anonymous - 14/12/2018 14:00

Today, after weeks of no sex, my boyfriend finally decided to have sex with me. While we were getting into it I accidentally farted in his face while his mouth was open. No more sex for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 656

You deserved it 2 129

Articulation 12

Saturday 15 March 2014 5:21

Not exactly what you'd call a *******.

Syncronisis 11

Saturday 15 March 2014 5:18

Everyone likes guys that smell nice.

Comments

Syncronisis 11

Saturday 15 March 2014 5:18

Everyone likes guys that smell nice.

HersheySquirts 17

Saturday 15 March 2014 7:25

I would say that this situation would be the opposite of of the "axe effect."

ebonyrose2828 16

Saturday 15 March 2014 11:53

I'm lucky. I can't smell most things. So I could never smell my ex's. Did make me run to the shower every time I heard him though *shudder*

Mr_Armageddon 5

Saturday 15 March 2014 13:50

38- I believe it's called the "ass effect"

jazzy_123 20

Saturday 15 March 2014 18:18

girl, those brows......

b00kn3rd 14

Saturday 15 March 2014 19:41

Girl...that cattiness....

the_real_dvd 21

Sunday 16 March 2014 0:05

This is one of the rare instances when a girl doesn't look ignorant for claiming she smelled a guys colon.

cactusprick 19

Saturday 15 March 2014 5:18

aw darn he blew it for you OP ;) sorry about that :(

Articulation 12

Saturday 15 March 2014 5:21

Not exactly what you'd call a *******.

pizzzah 9

Saturday 15 March 2014 5:22

i guess you can say he blew you away ;)

joeyl2008 29

Saturday 15 March 2014 5:24

Mmmmmm beans...

noobienick 19

Saturday 15 March 2014 5:24

Note to self: don't eat burrito before giving a lap dance

aubama_fml 15

Saturday 15 March 2014 5:25

The "Magic Mike" effect blown away by a fart

Just2cute2 7

Saturday 15 March 2014 5:29

Would be even funnier if your friends payed him to do that.

Philerup31 12

Saturday 15 March 2014 5:30

Happy Birthday

Ma_Nikka 24

Saturday 15 March 2014 5:30

Did you spank him for doing that?

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The Top

Today, I, for some reason, was talking to my mom about money. I jokingly said that the reason we're short on cash is because of her internet porn addiction. She replied, with a straight face, "How did you know?" I'm still not sure if she's joking or not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 705

You deserved it 5 784

Today, I went to the gym with two of my friends expecting to pay a guest fee but the cute guy working at the front desk let me in for free. On the way out after working out I started to flirt with him and he said, "Don't flatter yourself, I just let you in because I'm lazy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 702

You deserved it 16 736

The Top

Today, I found out the girl I’ve been seeing, and having lots of kinky sex with, I’m talking "confess to a priest or take to your grave" kind of kinky, is actually my cousin who moved abroad when she was two years-old, and only just recently moved back here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 448

You deserved it 377

Today, my boss recognized my shoes under the stall wall and had a conversation with me while we were both taking a dump. I had severe diarrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 401

You deserved it 2 343

Today, while shopping at a grocery store, I was the winner of the '1,000,000 customer of the year' award. I was surrounded with people taking pictures and everyone looking, all while I was buying adult diapers for my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 146

You deserved it 115

Today, I found out what happens when you sleep with a girl your chemistry major friend likes. He put silver nitrate in my body wash and shampoo. I look like I survived an explosion in a Sharpie factory. He says it'll come off "in a few days". FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 326

You deserved it 4 227

Today, at work, a man bought a lot of really expensive stuff. He paid the large bill with cash, and the manager helped me count the money. When we were done, he handed me a $100 bill to thank me for all the help. We can't accept tips. The manager was next to me. I had to say no. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 243

You deserved it 3 871

Today, I got married and it was wonderful. I had a beautiful mermaid-style tight dress, had fun with my husband, and drunk like there was no tomorrow. Then my bridesmaid forcefully took me to the bathroom to show a big, red stain on my butt. My period came two weeks early. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 955

You deserved it 240

Same thing different taste

Gross, dude

A load of hot air

Sounds like quite the catch

Love is in the air

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