By Lilica - 13/06/2017 21:00 - Brazil

Spicy
Today, I hooked up with a freshman at a party. No foreplay, just a quickie. The boy was a virgin, had phimosis, and didn't know. He started to bleed and scream, causing everyone from the party to gather around the bathroom door. He left with his dick bleeding and now everyone is saying I have a snapping vagina. FML
I agree, your life sucks 6 993
You deserved it 1 543
May Day: Lily of the Valley and Misunderstandings
When lilies of the valley bring good luck... or not! Discover the stories behind every little bell! More…
Previous FML Next FML

Top comments

I'madumbass 19

I have a couple of questions: 1) What grade are you in? 2) Is this high school or college? I would understand if it's a freshman in high school, but a freshman in college should be more mature. FYL.

70 5

Comments

Ray_of_midnight 22

Such a wonderful phrase... (h/t to Aerie, author of Queen of Wands)

6 1
cacheson 41

Ok ok I have to do this now because of what you said: ****** dentata What a wonderful phrase ****** dentata Ain't no passing craze It means no ******* For the rest of your days It's a penis free Philosophy ****** dentata *Takes bow, shielding face for thumbs down*

25 4
CrazyTrainWreck 19

That was bad, even for me

0 0
I'madumbass 19

I have a couple of questions: 1) What grade are you in? 2) Is this high school or college? I would understand if it's a freshman in high school, but a freshman in college should be more mature. FYL.

70 5
I'madumbass 19

Why did this submit twice? Oh well. ???????????????

1 3
cacheson 41

Since when would a college freshman be mature??

39 4
I'madumbass 19

He's in college. I thought it would make sense

0 0
MidnaLink 33

I'd hardly think anyone who's dick is bleeding for some reason would be "mature".

15 2
Xynie 20

Im sorry, but i just imagined a ****** snapping turtle and now my mom is wondering if i need help.

40 2
GhostFox 33

****! You made me spray my drink everywhere and choke from laughing!

13 3
Glowworm56 26

Well there is a rather obscure slang term for the ****** called a "cooter" which is also a kind of turtle. So a snapping turtle ****** does actually make some sense.

6 1
mayhem95 12

hahahaha this comment tho ???

1 0
pjsr 32

Congratulations - you made his first time incredibly memorable!

25 1
texaskitty86 25

To save others the google search... "Phimosis: A condition in which the foreskin of the penis is too tight to be pulled back to reveal the glans. This usually causes no problems and nothing needs be done" I can definitely see how not knowing about this could cause issues during sex, ouch!

38 2
Lobby_Bee 17

So the foreskin is choking the penis head? Sounds awful uncomfortable.

3 2
MrBlaTi 7

It's awefully painful, had the same thing happen to me, not on my first time tho. nevertheless, a scarring experience

5 0
campdude90 15

Circumcision would essentially cure it.

3 0
vishwa_evo 15

I guess this could have been avoided if he had used a condom.

4 18
MrBlaTi 7

what the? No. not considering the facts and not even making a play on the snapping ******. Condoms don't reduce the stress on the foreskin, neither do they protect against snapping anythings.

6 0
KereKris 25

Why do you even assume that he didn't?

1 0
GhostFox 33

Please tell me you were both either sober or equally drunk, otherwise this gets a whole lot darker and less amusing.

6 5
Alexandria79 22

he obviously wasn't drunk enough from the sound of it.

9 1
GoogieWithers 22

Feed me, Seymour!

7 0