Today, I went to the doctor after being sick for weeks. I found out that I had bronchitis that then progressed to pneumonia. My girlfriend is hearing impaired, and when I can finally get words to come out when I speak, she can't understand them. I'm not sure who I feel more sorry for. FML

by FueledByFate / 02/03/2016 at 11:59pm / United States (Arizona) / Health

Today, I tried to explain autism to my classmates. One of them, a professional cunt who's always looking for an excuse to lecture people, accused me of being "ableist" because my explanations weren't accurate, and said I shouldn't explain things I don't understand. I'm actually autistic. FML

by Ishikur / 02/03/2016 at 8:33am / Canada (Alberta) / Health

Today, I was at the gym. I'm 360 lbs and have finally decided it's time to change that. Some girl and her two bitch friends thought it'd be fun to follow me and belittle me at everything I did. When I mentioned it to the staff, they said that they were just "encouraging" me. FML

by Anonymous / 02/02/2016 at 5:17am / Canada (Ontario) / Health

Today, when I went to see my therapist, she handed me a tube of tooth paste and said, "Please use it". FML

Today, I got in trouble with my boss for not showing up to work yesterday. It seems going into anaphylactic shock isn't a valid excuse. FML

by Allergic to Assholes / 01/30/2016 at 4:33am / United States (Indiana) / Health

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom. I was there with the lights out when something ran across my foot. I freaked out, tried to kick it off, and ended up smashing my foot into the side of the tub. FML

by Anonymous / 01/28/2016 at 3:24pm / United States (Hawaii) / Health

Today, I was diagnosed with a condition that makes me lactate. I'm a 6' tattooed guy with a boxing competition coming up soon. I'm never going to hear the end of this. FML

by Anonymous / 01/28/2016 at 11:26am / United Kingdom / Health

Today, it was an extremely hot day so I hit up the beach for a swim. Just as I entered the water, the first wave approached me. I tried to jump it and lost my footing, managing to dislocate my hip. I had to be dragged from the water by the lifeguards. FML

by water fail / 01/28/2016 at 6:42am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Health

Today, I woke up with a pounding headache. My wife tells me that last night I woke up from a nightmare, screaming, tried to run away and knocked myself out running headfirst into the bedroom wall. So she put me back to bed and went back to sleep. FML

by oliver / 01/27/2016 at 7:02am / United States / Health

Today, I learned that I have a sinus infection, ear infection and bronchitis so bad it was on the verge of pneumonia. My work won't let me call in sick. I work with kids. Lovely. FML

by sicky / 01/27/2016 at 12:02am / United States (Utah) / Health

Today, I donated blood for the first time. It wasn't until I passed out on the ice during hockey practice that I remembered the nurse warning me not to do any type of exercise. FML

by ktm1313 / 01/26/2016 at 4:38pm / United States (Ohio) / Health

Today, I learned the hard way what the inside of my toe looks like. FML

by soni_miller / 01/26/2016 at 1:02am / United States (Virginia) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I had to leave class early due to a profusely bleeding pimple on my forehead. FML

by my face though / 01/25/2016 at 12:04pm / United States (Washington) / Health