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Today, I asked my spouse to help me apply some hemorrhoid relief cream, since I couldn't see what was going on down there clearly. Next time, I hope I'll remember if I'm still in a conference call with my online classmates so they don't witness the whole thing again. FML

Today, I noticed that I'm way more productive when I'm drinking than when I'm not. I think I just figured out why I'm related to so many alcoholics. FML

#21315807
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26264) - you deserved it (2804)

On 12/11/2014 at 8:17pm - health - by anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I got to experience the horror of my wife's pregnancy. She woke me up abruptly at 5 am by throwing up all over me due to her terrible morning sickness, then ate pickles covered in mayonnaise, and later dropped to the floor sobbing when I told her we were out of dog food. FML

#21315694
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35484) - you deserved it (4289)

On 12/11/2014 at 4:47pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was sitting on a fence watching a friend play soccer. He accidentally kicked the ball at my face and made me fall off the fence into mud. I laughed it off and got back on the fence. Two seconds later he did the same exact thing. I fell wrong and slammed my face into the fence. Pain. FML

#21315479
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27849) - you deserved it (5524)

On 12/11/2014 at 7:08am - health - by No thanks - United States

Today, while fasting for a medical test, my blood sugar became so low that I had heart palpitations and passed out. My doctor's advice? Fast, so he can run more tests. FML

#21314271
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29093) - you deserved it (2406)

On 12/09/2014 at 4:39am - health - by fucking moron (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I found out I have sodium fluoride poisoning. Apparently, my water has a high level of sodium fluorine. I've been drinking much more water lately trying to be healthier. FML

#21313951
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30760) - you deserved it (2506)

On 12/08/2014 at 6:23pm - health - by anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, I woke up with a swollen lump on my throat. It's extremely painful. My dad named it Gretchen and now talks about it as if it's a person. FML

#21311698
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27867) - you deserved it (2389)

On 12/04/2014 at 10:29pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, I injured my knee during dance class. When it started to feel a little bit better, I tried dancing again. I tripped, fell, and broke my wrist. FML

#21311641
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27699) - you deserved it (5465)

On 12/04/2014 at 8:54pm - health - by dumb dancer - United States (Michigan)

Today, I realised I was far too attached to my duvet. Literally. I just got a large tattoo on my back, and my duvet somehow stuck to my skin during the night and formed part of the scab. I now have the joy of deciding whether to tear it off fast or peel it away slowly. FML

#21306764
65 comments

Today, I decided to conquer my fear of blades, and tried shaving my legs with a razor. I sat on the side of my bathtub and wet my legs, but some of the water splashed. I slipped on it and fell back, hitting my head on the tile wall and slicing my leg open at the same time. FML

#21304063
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29975) - you deserved it (4933)

On 11/22/2014 at 7:10pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I went to the doctor's with my pregnant sister, only to find out she still weighs less than me. FML

#21303583
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28112) - you deserved it (7125)

On 11/21/2014 at 10:26pm - health - by alli67 -

Today, I slipped on a wet floor at the supermarket and busted my nose. It wouldn't be as embarrassing if I hadn't missed the "CAUTION: WET FLOOR" sign that I'd put there myself just 30 minutes earlier. FML

#21302796
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27690) - you deserved it (8230)

On 11/20/2014 at 3:45pm - health - by fark (woman) - Ireland

Today, I realized that I ran out of deodorant. On top of that, I was late to work so I had to run, making me all sweaty and smelly. To cover it up, I used the air-freshener in the toilet at work. Everyone recognized the "Lemon Tree" scent and now all of my colleagues think I'm a cheap bastard. FML

#21302617
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27061) - you deserved it (5897)

On 11/20/2014 at 6:32am - health - by LemonTree (man) - Hungary



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