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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, someone on Instagram posted a picture of himself with gym lifting straps around his neck. I commented "autoerotic asphyxiation" and now a 250-pound bodybuilder wants to kill me. FML

#21097153
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21408) - you deserved it (35771)

On 03/26/2014 at 6:39pm - health - by athletiks (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I told my boyfriend the dentist said my blood pressure was high. He was more interested in the fact that the dentist took my blood pressure than my blood pressure being high. FML

#21095607
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32764) - you deserved it (9435)

On 03/24/2014 at 10:11pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I went to a paintball match with my family and the family of my brother's girlfriend. A few minutes into, my brother's girlfriend's dad snuck up on me, unloaded into me from behind, and snarled, "That's for knocking my daughter up." He got the wrong guy. My back is killing me. FML

#21092834
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38759) - you deserved it (3112)

On 03/21/2014 at 5:44pm - health - by iusedprotectionanyway (man) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, three days before I take my bar exam, the biggest exam of my life, I got my monthly. And I get to bring my belongings in a clear plastic bag so the world knows. FML

#21092507
215 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42372) - you deserved it (8488)

On 03/21/2014 at 7:09am - health - by SeriouslyMakeItStop (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, about 10 minutes into my first jog in months, someone in a car started following me, yelling stuff like "Oh my god, it's Shamu!" and "Run faster, fatty!" I ended up breaking down in tears before he finally sped off, roaring with laughter. FML

#21090080
220 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53266) - you deserved it (4513)

On 03/18/2014 at 3:44pm - health - by see you next cunt (woman) - United States

Today, I found out what it feels like to be slapped in the face with a potted cactus. FML

#21088237
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41789) - you deserved it (5751)

On 03/16/2014 at 3:28pm - health - by thanksdad (man) - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, I walked into my elderly client's home for my first day of work. I was immediately hit in the eye with something small, and had to get medical attention for a scratched cornea. It turns out my client likes to clip his toenails right by his front door. FML

#21088031
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38530) - you deserved it (3159)

On 03/16/2014 at 10:00am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, after running across London to catch my train, I collapsed, panting, into a seat across from a concerned elderly woman. She leaned over to ask whether I had my inhaler and I smiled and nodded. I didn't have the heart to tell her that I'm not asthmatic, just really unfit. FML

#21082556
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34383) - you deserved it (6270)

On 03/09/2014 at 8:36pm - health - by alipallie - United Kingdom (Suffolk)

Today, I learned the worst part about being dared to shave your ass hair: Stubble. FML

#21079543
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35852) - you deserved it (14997)

On 03/06/2014 at 9:54am - health - by DaggerHole (man) - Australia

Today, my mum begged me to let her put fake nails on me to practice for her styling exam. I've been sitting on the toilet for the past half an hour trying to figure out how to wipe without damaging something. FML

Today, I achieved a personal goal by completing a half-marathon for charity, despite being overweight and unfit before training. When I finished I cried, not because I was proud of myself, but because I ran the last 2 miles while being followed by kids on bicycles calling me a "fat cunt". FML

#21078597
325 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64014) - you deserved it (5057)

On 03/05/2014 at 7:33am - health - by rolypoly (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I made myself a hot pocket for lunch. I managed to scald myself on the red-hot cheese, and at the same time bite into the center, which was somehow still frozen solid. FML

#21073990
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34493) - you deserved it (6500)

On 02/28/2014 at 12:13pm - health - by loserr (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, while walking barefoot through my house, I saw something shine on the floor across the hallway. Curious as to what it was, I rubbed my foot across the carpet to feel it. It wasn't until it was deeply lodged in my foot did I realize it was an open safety pin. FML

#21069793
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17465) - you deserved it (35849)

On 02/23/2014 at 9:22pm - health - by owmyfoot - United States (California)



FML's blog

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  • So, is everyone back from their vacation? Can we get back to regular programming? No? OK, I get it. You're all still crying about not being at the beach any more, well, I am anyway. And this time of year…

Thursday 11 September 2014

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