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Today, was the day I would turn my life around and start losing weight. I went outside for my first run and said, "I got this!" I confidently stepped forward, the first symbolic steps to my new life. In the anticipation, I forgot my porch had steps. I face-planted on my driveway. FML

#21271662
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36475) - you deserved it (7264)

On 10/05/2014 at 11:17pm - health - by PickYourselfUp (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, a girl puked on me. No warnings, nothing. She just threw up on me, then walked off like nothing even happened. FML

#21271247
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40160) - you deserved it (2840)

On 10/05/2014 at 1:48pm - health - by Eww - United States (Oregon)

Today, my allergies flared up and I started sneezing. I guess my girlfriend was having a bad day, because she lost her shit and started telling me how annoying I am and how I can never do anything right. I'm not sure if we're still a couple, because she stormed out and won't answer my calls. FML

#21270617
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36189) - you deserved it (2998)

On 10/04/2014 at 11:17am - health - by Anonymous (man) - Denmark

Today, I finally got around to cleaning out my mother's things after her passing. In the process I found a fancy box. What did it contain? A collection of crack pipes. FML

#21270609
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36279) - you deserved it (2587)

On 10/04/2014 at 10:58am - health - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my teenage daughter asked me to buy her the morning after pill, saying "It's for my acne." FML

#21270394
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35878) - you deserved it (4224)

On 10/03/2014 at 11:08pm - health - by Disappointed -

Today, I found out I'm allergic to condoms. Which would be great if my girlfriend wasn't allergic to birth control. FML

#21270163
217 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43262) - you deserved it (3654)

On 10/03/2014 at 3:04pm - health - by oncehipjr (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my hand was stung by a wasp. It has resulted in all my fingers being swollen and therefore much bigger than usual. I'm getting married tomorrow and there's no way I can get the ring on my finger. FML

#21268375
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39461) - you deserved it (2718)

On 09/30/2014 at 2:46pm - health - by Tampax - Spain (Castilla-La Mancha)

Today, on my first day of sailing practice, I managed to sit on a metal cleat. After being admitted to the ER, I was informed that I had two vaginal lacerations that needed surgery. The nurse tried to convince me it was my lucky day, because the hospital café was serving vanilla pudding. FML

#21267748
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39813) - you deserved it (3537)

On 09/29/2014 at 3:39pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I found out I have an STD, courtesy of my girlfriend. Funnily enough, she was clean when we first started dating. FML

#21267650
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42945) - you deserved it (3829)

On 09/29/2014 at 12:48pm - health - by impure - United States

Today, my insomnia wins. I'm too wired and awake to sleep, but too stoned on my sleeping pills to get up and do something productive. FML

#21267554
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32135) - you deserved it (4011)

On 09/29/2014 at 8:06am - health - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I went into an exam room to do a check-up on one of my patients. I told the little girl's mother that she needed her flu shots. When the girl heard this, she took an apple out of her pocket and threw it at me. FML

#21267077
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33257) - you deserved it (3931)

On 09/28/2014 at 3:26pm - health - by jazzie7719 - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I realized how weak I truly am when I tore a muscle in my hand trying to discreetly fix a wedgie. FML

#21266558
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30439) - you deserved it (5567)

On 09/27/2014 at 7:55pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I'm sick with the worst head cold of my life. For some reason whenever I cough, I also fart. Everyone thinks I'm just trying to cover up flatulence with fake coughing. FML

#21266077
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33710) - you deserved it (2920)

On 09/26/2014 at 10:46pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)



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