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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
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Today, I woke up after taking the new sleeping pills I was prescribed for my insomnia. I slept for 12 hours and had 5 missed calls from my boss. FML

#21346205
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26359) - you deserved it (2351)

On 01/29/2015 at 1:32pm - health - by anon - United States (New Mexico)

Today, I found out my girlfriend is bulimic. Like that wasn't bad enough, I found out because she spent all of our rent money on food. FML

#21345004
112 comments

Today, I was diagnosed with gonorrhea. My dad's reaction was to slowly clap at the news then giggle at his own joke. FML

#21342311
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26908) - you deserved it (8969)

On 01/22/2015 at 3:23pm - health - by annoyed (man) - United States (California)

Today, I made a joke that my boyfriend was going to end up sending me into premature labor. Later, I went into labor for real. My boyfriend thought I was faking and refused to take me to the hospital. FML

#21342125
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30962) - you deserved it (7419)

On 01/22/2015 at 6:32am - health - by unsuspectingmom - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was riding my bike to work in a hurry and hit a pothole. I flew off and hit the ground hard. I was badly shaken, but an old lady came over, checked me out and helped me to my feet. After she left the scene, I realized she'd pickpocketed my wallet while "helping" me. FML

#21342099
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32190) - you deserved it (2661)

On 01/22/2015 at 4:02am - health - by shifala (man) - Philippines (Quezon City)

Today, thinking he was being so hilarious, my friend slipped me enough laxatives to make a horse shit its intestines out. I haven't been able to move from the toilet for over an hour. FML

#21341346
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30993) - you deserved it (2430)

On 01/20/2015 at 11:29pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, while walking to work, I sneezed so violently that I slipped on a patch of ice and hit the ground hard, badly spraining my shoulder. I lay there in agony as a pair of bystanders just stood there, laughing their asses off. FML

#21340378
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29154) - you deserved it (2791)

On 01/19/2015 at 5:07pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, after the longest time, I went to the gym. I ran and ran and ran on the treadmill for an eternity, beating myself up for getting so overweight. Then I tripped and fell off, sweating and sobbing for being so useless. When I looked up, I saw I'd been on the machine for barely 2 minutes. FML

#21339526
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26892) - you deserved it (18724)

On 01/18/2015 at 11:34am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Ireland

Today, at a ski resort, I tried to impress an attractive girl on the slopes and failed, horribly. I ended up with a mild concussion and some serious cuts after tripping, tumbling and hitting my head against the ground. I don't think she was impressed. FML

#21338794
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21587) - you deserved it (9396)

On 01/17/2015 at 8:54am - health - by badluck_jean (man) - France

Today, I realized that while I've been the same minuscule height for the past five years, my feet won't stop growing. I'm 5 foot and a size 12. I look like a clown. FML

#21338417
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28438) - you deserved it (5762)

On 01/16/2015 at 5:15pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my mother kindly brought me some soup as was recovering from having my tonsils out. Spicy Mexican bean soup. Yep, very spicy. FML

#21338407
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27134) - you deserved it (2095)

On 01/16/2015 at 4:59pm - health - by Jensa (woman) - United Kingdom (Buckinghamshire)

Today, I gambled on a fart and lost. FML

#21337828
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23583) - you deserved it (15104)

On 01/15/2015 at 8:08pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I have bad adult acne. This wouldn't be so bad, except that it's only on one side of my face. I look like a Batman villain. FML

#21337414
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28571) - you deserved it (2214)

On 01/15/2015 at 2:28am - health - by twoface_chick - United States (California)



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