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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I achieved a personal goal by completing a half-marathon for charity, despite being overweight and unfit before training. When I finished I cried, not because I was proud of myself, but because I ran the last 2 miles while being followed by kids on bicycles calling me a "fat cunt". FML

#21078597
323 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63898) - you deserved it (5053)

On 03/05/2014 at 7:33am - health - by rolypoly (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I made myself a hot pocket for lunch. I managed to scald myself on the red-hot cheese, and at the same time bite into the center, which was somehow still frozen solid. FML

#21073990
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34210) - you deserved it (6460)

On 02/28/2014 at 12:13pm - health - by loserr (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, while walking barefoot through my house, I saw something shine on the floor across the hallway. Curious as to what it was, I rubbed my foot across the carpet to feel it. It wasn't until it was deeply lodged in my foot did I realize it was an open safety pin. FML

#21069793
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17436) - you deserved it (35782)

On 02/23/2014 at 9:22pm - health - by owmyfoot - United States (California)

Today, I was walking home, when a car heading the other way hit a traffic cone. I must have been an asshole in a previous life, because the universe decided to make sure the cone flew into the side of my head. The bystanders were shocked for all of two seconds before laughing. FML

#21068594
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41811) - you deserved it (3928)

On 02/22/2014 at 4:02pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, at my therapy appointment, I was spilling my guts to my therapist. When I'd finished, to get rid of the awkward silence, I asked, "I'm not crazy, right?" His response was, "That's bit of a loaded question." FML

#21066990
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34343) - you deserved it (5260)

On 02/20/2014 at 9:46pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my mom and I flew three hours from Wyoming to a volleyball camp in Kentucky. When we arrived, we went to the volleyball center and told them I was there for the volleyball camp. They told me it had been cancelled two weeks ago and they forgot to call us. FML

#21066263
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49047) - you deserved it (3548)

On 02/20/2014 at 3:57am - health - by maddengirl12 (woman) - United States

Today, I had satanic gastric distress. Attempting to make light of this fact, and, being incredibly bored and seemingly alone at work, I managed to fart the intro to "Smoke on the Water" perfectly. Somebody clapped. FML

Today, I was watching TV, when I heard a blood-curdling scream from my boyfriend upstairs. It sounded like he was being murdered with a rusty fork, and I rushed to see what the hell was going on, hitting my shin against the stairs in the process. He'd stubbed his toe. FML

#21064600
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38278) - you deserved it (5191)

On 02/18/2014 at 4:15pm - health - by dating a pussy (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I was feeling really good about myself for running and walking everywhere so much so that I was out of breath and panting. Well, until I remembered that I was playing a video game and it was my character that was doing the running around that is. FML

#21063762
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17927) - you deserved it (39100)

On 02/17/2014 at 8:57pm - health - by Tomb Raider Wannabe (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I have Hello Kitty band-aids on my nips because I dozed off while tanning and burned them extra crispy. FML

#21062623
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21772) - you deserved it (38515)

On 02/16/2014 at 5:23pm - health - by extra crispy or original recipe (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was on a date, when I suddenly choked on my own saliva and coughed so hard that I passed out. FML

Today, I was out with my girlfriend at a club. As a slow dance began, a guy approached and asked, "May I cut in?" My girlfriend surprised me by saying, "Sure!" As I was about to protest, the guy cut me off and said, "Sorry miss, I was asking him." FML

#21059471
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46243) - you deserved it (6544)

On 02/13/2014 at 8:31pm - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, during an important exam, I had a huge panic attack and had to run out of the exam hall. Everyone saw me, and now everywhere I go, people keep pretending to have a panic attack and run away from me. I have to spend two more years with these assholes. FML



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