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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I received a package. When my mom asked what I had bought, I had told her that I had ordered dumbbells and was going to start lifting. She laughed her way into the kitchen. FML

#21255855
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29947) - you deserved it (3242)

On 09/10/2014 at 6:40pm - health - by skinnyguy23 (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I received a package in the mail. It was a workout and weight-loss plan that I ordered last week. I finished an entire pizza and pint of ice-cream as I read the guidelines. FML

Today, I found out I sent several embarrassing videos while under the influence of the meds I was given while getting my wisdom teeth out. When I asked my mom why she didn't take my phone, she said she tried but I started whining and growling at her. FML

Today, I overcame my debilitating seasickness long enough to have a shower and take a breath of fresh air on the cruise ship balcony. Then as a reward, a passing seagull shat on my head. FML

#21255023
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32007) - you deserved it (2621)

On 09/09/2014 at 11:53am - health - by nomfuck - United States (Ohio)

Today, my husband injured his back badly. He's taken three percocets, because according to him, he knows the dosage better than his doctor, and is demanding that I let him drive himself to work, with no pants on. FML

#21254463
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39682) - you deserved it (3636)

On 09/08/2014 at 1:56pm - health - by jkim - United States (California)

Today, I woke up to find a huge zit directly between my two eyebrows. My friends have started calling me "The North Star." FML

#21253662
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34930) - you deserved it (3235)

On 09/07/2014 at 11:55am - health - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my hormones decided to make my pimples appear symmetrically on my face around my nose and mouth. FML

#21253432
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31502) - you deserved it (2426)

On 09/07/2014 at 12:52am - health - by SymmetricalPizzaFace (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I found out I'm allergic to our new cat. My mom said she'd rather get rid of me than the cat. FML

Today, I told my physiotherapist a funny story. She got so entertained that she started giggling and twisted my broken arm. The pain was worse than when it broke in the first place. FML

#21251280
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31935) - you deserved it (3127)

On 09/03/2014 at 5:30pm - health - by svenska75 (woman) - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was punched in the face because my uncontrollable hiccups were "annoying". FML

#21250817
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35519) - you deserved it (3815)

On 09/02/2014 at 10:13pm - health - by soccer8goalie - United States (West Virginia)

Today, while my orthodontist was working on my teeth, she made the comment, "Wow! It looks like a murder scene in there!" FML

#21250795
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32238) - you deserved it (4766)

On 09/02/2014 at 9:35pm - health - by Gee... Thanks (man) -

Today, my roommate came back from camping. My toothbrush magically reappeared as well. FML

#21250056
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34905) - you deserved it (2804)

On 09/01/2014 at 9:53pm - health - by germophobe (woman) - Canada (Alberta)



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