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Today, I learned the worst part about being dared to shave your ass hair: Stubble. FML

#21079543
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35814) - you deserved it (14978)

On 03/06/2014 at 9:54am - health - by DaggerHole (man) - Australia

Today, my mum begged me to let her put fake nails on me to practice for her styling exam. I've been sitting on the toilet for the past half an hour trying to figure out how to wipe without damaging something. FML

Today, I achieved a personal goal by completing a half-marathon for charity, despite being overweight and unfit before training. When I finished I cried, not because I was proud of myself, but because I ran the last 2 miles while being followed by kids on bicycles calling me a "fat cunt". FML

#21078597
323 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63914) - you deserved it (5053)

On 03/05/2014 at 7:33am - health - by rolypoly (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I made myself a hot pocket for lunch. I managed to scald myself on the red-hot cheese, and at the same time bite into the center, which was somehow still frozen solid. FML

#21073990
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34217) - you deserved it (6460)

On 02/28/2014 at 12:13pm - health - by loserr (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, while walking barefoot through my house, I saw something shine on the floor across the hallway. Curious as to what it was, I rubbed my foot across the carpet to feel it. It wasn't until it was deeply lodged in my foot did I realize it was an open safety pin. FML

#21069793
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17438) - you deserved it (35796)

On 02/23/2014 at 9:22pm - health - by owmyfoot - United States (California)

Today, I was walking home, when a car heading the other way hit a traffic cone. I must have been an asshole in a previous life, because the universe decided to make sure the cone flew into the side of my head. The bystanders were shocked for all of two seconds before laughing. FML

#21068594
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41818) - you deserved it (3928)

On 02/22/2014 at 4:02pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, at my therapy appointment, I was spilling my guts to my therapist. When I'd finished, to get rid of the awkward silence, I asked, "I'm not crazy, right?" His response was, "That's bit of a loaded question." FML

#21066990
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34350) - you deserved it (5262)

On 02/20/2014 at 9:46pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my mom and I flew three hours from Wyoming to a volleyball camp in Kentucky. When we arrived, we went to the volleyball center and told them I was there for the volleyball camp. They told me it had been cancelled two weeks ago and they forgot to call us. FML

#21066263
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49057) - you deserved it (3548)

On 02/20/2014 at 3:57am - health - by maddengirl12 (woman) - United States

Today, I had satanic gastric distress. Attempting to make light of this fact, and, being incredibly bored and seemingly alone at work, I managed to fart the intro to "Smoke on the Water" perfectly. Somebody clapped. FML

Today, I was watching TV, when I heard a blood-curdling scream from my boyfriend upstairs. It sounded like he was being murdered with a rusty fork, and I rushed to see what the hell was going on, hitting my shin against the stairs in the process. He'd stubbed his toe. FML

#21064600
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38286) - you deserved it (5191)

On 02/18/2014 at 4:15pm - health - by dating a pussy (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I was feeling really good about myself for running and walking everywhere so much so that I was out of breath and panting. Well, until I remembered that I was playing a video game and it was my character that was doing the running around that is. FML

#21063762
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17929) - you deserved it (39107)

On 02/17/2014 at 8:57pm - health - by Tomb Raider Wannabe (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I have Hello Kitty band-aids on my nips because I dozed off while tanning and burned them extra crispy. FML

#21062623
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21773) - you deserved it (38519)

On 02/16/2014 at 5:23pm - health - by extra crispy or original recipe (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was on a date, when I suddenly choked on my own saliva and coughed so hard that I passed out. FML



FML's blog

  • FML on vacation #1: Getting there
  • A lot of people will spout off the tired old cliché that the destination isn't as important as the journey itself. Well, what if you're on your way to the Playboy Mansion then?…

Tuesday 22 July 2014

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