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Today, I noticed something written on the top of my toaster, so I used a finger to clear away some of the crumbs, burning my finger in the process. The writing? "CAUTION: Hot surface!" Thanks, toaster. FML

#21106752
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19608) - you deserved it (43690)

On 04/07/2014 at 1:02pm - health - by Anonymous - Canada

Today, I was feeling adventurous and decided to freeball it to school. As I went to sit down during first class, I managed to sit on my own balls, scream, then collapse on the floor gasping. My teacher thought I was screwing around and gave me detention. FML

#21104415
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32467) - you deserved it (17953)

On 04/04/2014 at 1:26pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - Dominican Republic (Distrito Nacional)

Today, my dad got me one of those word locks for my gym locker, for which the password had to be a four-letter word instead of numbers. My dad chose the combo for me. It was "diet". FML

#21101196
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35328) - you deserved it (5186)

On 03/31/2014 at 6:10pm - health - by anon (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, it was my first ever live piano performance. It went all great until the end, when I stood up, slipped, and smashed face-first into the keys. I've lost half a tooth and all my dignity. FML

#21100221
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42838) - you deserved it (3427)

On 03/30/2014 at 2:45pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Worcestershire)

Today, I dislocated my shoulder. My doctor failed to fix it, but did succeed in practically dislocating the other one. FML

#21099597
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36876) - you deserved it (2974)

On 03/29/2014 at 7:06pm - health - by unlucky - United States (Florida)

Today, I wanted to eat my last bowl of sugary cereal before starting my new diet. I fell down the stairs with the full bowl in hand. Message received, universe. FML

#21097759
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37792) - you deserved it (7351)

On 03/27/2014 at 2:10pm - health - by bonbon789 - United States

Today, someone on Instagram posted a picture of himself with gym lifting straps around his neck. I commented "autoerotic asphyxiation" and now a 250-pound bodybuilder wants to kill me. FML

#21097153
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21260) - you deserved it (35490)

On 03/26/2014 at 6:39pm - health - by athletiks (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I told my boyfriend the dentist said my blood pressure was high. He was more interested in the fact that the dentist took my blood pressure than my blood pressure being high. FML

#21095607
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32740) - you deserved it (9430)

On 03/24/2014 at 10:11pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I went to a paintball match with my family and the family of my brother's girlfriend. A few minutes into, my brother's girlfriend's dad snuck up on me, unloaded into me from behind, and snarled, "That's for knocking my daughter up." He got the wrong guy. My back is killing me. FML

#21092834
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38713) - you deserved it (3109)

On 03/21/2014 at 5:44pm - health - by iusedprotectionanyway (man) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, three days before I take my bar exam, the biggest exam of my life, I got my monthly. And I get to bring my belongings in a clear plastic bag so the world knows. FML

#21092507
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42352) - you deserved it (8488)

On 03/21/2014 at 7:09am - health - by SeriouslyMakeItStop (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, about 10 minutes into my first jog in months, someone in a car started following me, yelling stuff like "Oh my god, it's Shamu!" and "Run faster, fatty!" I ended up breaking down in tears before he finally sped off, roaring with laughter. FML

#21090080
220 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53220) - you deserved it (4509)

On 03/18/2014 at 3:44pm - health - by see you next cunt (woman) - United States

Today, I found out what it feels like to be slapped in the face with a potted cactus. FML

#21088237
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41767) - you deserved it (5749)

On 03/16/2014 at 3:28pm - health - by thanksdad (man) - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, I walked into my elderly client's home for my first day of work. I was immediately hit in the eye with something small, and had to get medical attention for a scratched cornea. It turns out my client likes to clip his toenails right by his front door. FML

#21088031
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38493) - you deserved it (3156)

On 03/16/2014 at 10:00am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)



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