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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, the fire alarm went off at work. My office is on the second floor, and the door to the stairs were jammed shut. The only way out was jumping out the window. The best part was breaking my leg due to someone burning their lunch. FML

#21218720
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42262) - you deserved it (7745)

On 07/23/2014 at 9:34pm - health - by timv94 (man) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I was so ashamed of my weight when I sat down and the suction of my thighs made a loud fart noise, I admitted to it being a fart rather than my fat rolls. FML

#21218616
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33235) - you deserved it (18239)

On 07/23/2014 at 7:24pm - health - by ThunderThighs (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I went to my weekly AA meeting. It was a huge crowd and I was the guest speaker. Not 5 minutes into my speech, I was booed off stage and banned from further attendance because I accidentally wore a Jack Daniel's shirt. FML

#21217633
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21241) - you deserved it (49866)

On 07/22/2014 at 7:20pm - health - by dypshyyt - United States (Florida)

Today, I taught my 23-year-old boyfriend how to correctly brush his teeth. FML

#21209921
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38611) - you deserved it (5776)

On 07/15/2014 at 5:24pm - health - by stinky breath - United States (California)

Today, my mom and dad played rock, paper, scissors over who gets to spend the night with me in the hospital tonight while I have surgery. FML

#21209860
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45645) - you deserved it (3657)

On 07/15/2014 at 4:11pm - health - by smh (woman) - United States

Today, I tried to impress my boyfriend by slowly backing up and biting my lip to get him to come closer and kiss me. I ended up smacking the back of my head against a brick wall. FML

Today, I accidentally twisted my balls in my own underwear so badly that I had to be hospitalized. FML

#21207158
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42399) - you deserved it (7007)

On 07/12/2014 at 4:19pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I went on a date and ate in the park. When I crossed my legs under the table, I scraped my knee and got a lot of splinters in it. When I got back home and started digging out the splinters, my dad furiously demanded to know why I'd been on my knees during the date. FML

#21206411
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44180) - you deserved it (4213)

On 07/11/2014 at 9:36pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Idaho)

Today, I confided to my boyfriend that I have a condition that causes me to grow thick toe hair. He now won't stop calling me "the sexy Hobbit." FML

#21206358
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40401) - you deserved it (6415)

On 07/11/2014 at 8:26pm - health - by sexyhobbit (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, while in my backyard, I had some insane gastric distress. I let out a fart so powerful that it made me yelp in pain, and left my asshole numb. A second later, I heard a cough come from over my neighbor's fence. I had to quietly limp back into my house in shame. FML

#21206177
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40258) - you deserved it (6114)

On 07/11/2014 at 4:34pm - health - by soundslikeadumbcommentersituation (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was in a restaurant bathroom, when another girl walked in. I have anxiety issues, and couldn't leave my stall until the other person went first. She rushed into a stall and had violent diarrhea for a good 10 minutes. FML

Today, we finished a sit-up test at school. I had been training for the athletic tests, so I was proud of my score. When someone asked what I got and I shared, proud, they responded with, "I bet it helps that your fat bounces you back up." FML

#21205700
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42341) - you deserved it (4127)

On 07/11/2014 at 2:04am - health - by Useless training - United States (Illinois)

Today, my road rage got so out of hand that I'm now actually inclined to honk obnoxiously at my computer when it's being slow. FML

#21204164
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28855) - you deserved it (14901)

On 07/09/2014 at 4:49pm - health - by Anonymous - United States



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