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Man or woman?

Today, my mom spent over $200 getting me tested for every drug in the book. All because I admitted to smoking a single cigarette two years ago. FML

#21129797
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46288) - you deserved it (7295)

On 05/03/2014 at 5:10pm - health - by ughhhh - United States

Today, I was at a party. Trying to overcome my social anxiety, I was trying to take part in conversations. So, when a girl mentioned she had a doctor's appointment next morning, I blurted out: "What kind of a doctor?" Everyone stared as she responded: "A gynaecologist." FML

#21129433
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36855) - you deserved it (6861)

On 05/03/2014 at 6:38am - health - by cocacola999 (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I had an ingrown toenail cut out, and the pain medication I received does not actually help with the pain. Instead, it makes me high, which results in me losing balance and slamming my injured toe into objects and then getting sick from that new pain. FML

#21128289
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41387) - you deserved it (4250)

On 05/01/2014 at 8:23pm - health - by pained (woman) - United States

Today, I was hanging out with my friends, and we got the idea to do some improv comedy together for a laugh. Barely two minutes into our fake political debate, everyone had apparently forgotten it was all a joke. Raging ensued, and a vicious fight quickly followed. FML

#21127290
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33437) - you deserved it (7548)

On 04/30/2014 at 4:56pm - health - by idiotfucks (man) - New Zealand (Canterbury)

Today, I was out drinking with some colleagues, when one started ranting about some pretty sensitive subjects. There were some Latino guys nearby, and as soon as he said "I'm not racist, but..." I tried to casually get the hell out of there. We all got the crap beaten out of us anyway. FML

#21122958
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39256) - you deserved it (6256)

On 04/25/2014 at 7:45pm - health - by fuck you, Jeff (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, after an entire year spent in physical therapy recovering from three knee surgeries, I finally returned to doing light agility exercises and running on a treadmill. When I told my therapist I had never been so happy and proud, he responded with, "This usually only takes 5 months, pussy." FML

#21122058
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42213) - you deserved it (7006)

On 04/24/2014 at 7:42pm - health - by AnonymousAndSad (man) - United States (Iowa)

Today, I used a facial mask for super sensitive skin, recommended by several friends with similar skin issues. Apparently, when the warning says, "May cause some slight redness for thirty minutes", it really means, "Your face will have hives and swell to twice its normal size for several hours." FML

#21119632
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37663) - you deserved it (4462)

On 04/22/2014 at 1:31am - health - by Tomatoe Face - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I met my girlfriend's dad at a tennis game. I could tell he despised me from the start, but it only got worse when I played him. He smashed the ball at me and I went to hit it, but I missed and fell over, tearing my arm up on the gravel. He had a smirk on his face for the rest of the day. FML

#21116561
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36600) - you deserved it (3749)

On 04/18/2014 at 6:07pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, due to my short temper, I punched myself in the nose because I wouldn't stop sneezing. FML

#21116112
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21800) - you deserved it (53706)

On 04/18/2014 at 7:09am - health - by Ow (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was eating an apple in class. When I went to take a big bite, my teeth went right through the apple, causing me to scrape the apple right up my face. My nose then started to bleed. I'm now known as the girl who punched herself in the face with an apple. FML

#21114169
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39264) - you deserved it (6949)

On 04/15/2014 at 10:48pm - health - by Nose bleed - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I noticed something written on the top of my toaster, so I used a finger to clear away some of the crumbs, burning my finger in the process. The writing? "CAUTION: Hot surface!" Thanks, toaster. FML

#21106752
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19592) - you deserved it (43646)

On 04/07/2014 at 1:02pm - health - by Anonymous - Canada

Today, I was feeling adventurous and decided to freeball it to school. As I went to sit down during first class, I managed to sit on my own balls, scream, then collapse on the floor gasping. My teacher thought I was screwing around and gave me detention. FML

#21104415
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32434) - you deserved it (17935)

On 04/04/2014 at 1:26pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - Dominican Republic (Distrito Nacional)

Today, my dad got me one of those word locks for my gym locker, for which the password had to be a four-letter word instead of numbers. My dad chose the combo for me. It was "diet". FML

#21101196
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35298) - you deserved it (5185)

On 03/31/2014 at 6:10pm - health - by anon (woman) - United States (New York)



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