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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I'm at that age where sitting down carries a 50/50 chance of turning my balls into scrambled eggs, a fact confirmed yet again today. Third time this week. I think it's time to switch to briefs. FML

#21259403
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26195) - you deserved it (3762)

On 09/16/2014 at 12:20pm - health - by I need a new ballsack. (man) - United Kingdom (Cheshire)

Today, my dad picked me up from school, something he'll be doing while my broken leg heals. He thought it'd be hilarious to arrive early and ask the staff where his "crippled" son was, loudly saying I'd broken my leg in a "masturbation-related accident". FML

#21259401
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38188) - you deserved it (3337)

On 09/16/2014 at 12:18pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I ran one of the hardest cross-country courses in the country. I'm a pretty good runner, and I was feeling confident for the first mile. Then the chipotle from last night's dinner hit, and my legs weren't the only thing running. FML

#21257129
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36209) - you deserved it (8461)

On 09/12/2014 at 8:19pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I received a package. When my mom asked what I had bought, I had told her that I had ordered dumbbells and was going to start lifting. She laughed her way into the kitchen. FML

#21255855
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29084) - you deserved it (2986)

On 09/10/2014 at 6:40pm - health - by skinnyguy23 (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I received a package in the mail. It was a workout and weight-loss plan that I ordered last week. I finished an entire pizza and pint of ice-cream as I read the guidelines. FML

Today, I found out I sent several embarrassing videos while under the influence of the meds I was given while getting my wisdom teeth out. When I asked my mom why she didn't take my phone, she said she tried but I started whining and growling at her. FML

Today, I overcame my debilitating seasickness long enough to have a shower and take a breath of fresh air on the cruise ship balcony. Then as a reward, a passing seagull shat on my head. FML

#21255023
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31970) - you deserved it (2619)

On 09/09/2014 at 11:53am - health - by nomfuck - United States (Ohio)

Today, my husband injured his back badly. He's taken three percocets, because according to him, he knows the dosage better than his doctor, and is demanding that I let him drive himself to work, with no pants on. FML

#21254463
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38928) - you deserved it (3383)

On 09/08/2014 at 1:56pm - health - by jkim - United States (California)

Today, I woke up to find a huge zit directly between my two eyebrows. My friends have started calling me "The North Star." FML

#21253662
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34881) - you deserved it (3235)

On 09/07/2014 at 11:55am - health - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my hormones decided to make my pimples appear symmetrically on my face around my nose and mouth. FML

#21253432
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31464) - you deserved it (2419)

On 09/07/2014 at 12:52am - health - by SymmetricalPizzaFace (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I found out I'm allergic to our new cat. My mom said she'd rather get rid of me than the cat. FML

Today, I told my physiotherapist a funny story. She got so entertained that she started giggling and twisted my broken arm. The pain was worse than when it broke in the first place. FML

#21251280
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31894) - you deserved it (3124)

On 09/03/2014 at 5:30pm - health - by svenska75 (woman) - Sent from mobile version



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