Today, I went to a party. After asking several people about the ingredients in a cake, I took one bite and ended up in the hospital with a severe reaction to the nuts that "definitely weren't" in it. FML

by unlucky / 05/31/2016 at 3:05pm / United Kingdom (Bristol, City of) / Health

Today, I fell down the stairs while holding some dirty glasses from my room. I ended up pulling pieces of glass from my body. Meanwhile all my mom cares about is the fact that I broke three of her favorite glasses. FML

by Anonymous / 05/31/2016 at 11:30am / Canada (New Brunswick) / Health

Today, my wheelchair was delivered. My brother and I were messing around with it when he rolled over my already injured foot. At least surgery is next week. FML

by ouch / 05/29/2016 at 7:27pm / United States (Nevada) / Health

Today, after waiting months for an appointment with a doctor who specializes in the disease I have, I showed up at his practice, only to find the cops executing a search warrant. FML

by Rescheduled / 05/28/2016 at 4:44am / United States (California) / Health

Today, I realized my recent weight loss probably wasn't caused by working out and eating more healthily. It was from the tapeworm I discovered hanging out my ass after I took a crap. I had to pull it out with my bare hands. FML

by scarred for life / 05/28/2016 at 1:23am / United States (Indiana) / Health

Today, due to a new tattoo, I can't wear a bra for the next few days. My coworker knows about it and thought it would be funny to blast the air-con all day. I swear I could have used my nipples to type this, instead of my fingers. FML

Today, I woke up with intense pain and bruising. It turned out I'd suffered such a rare kind of wrist bone dislocation that the doctors aren't sure how to fix it. FML

by chazzywazzy654 / 05/27/2016 at 9:20am / United Kingdom (Ealing) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was playing basketball in the searing heat with my friends. I jokingly told my friend that I was gonna die if I stayed out there much longer. Two minutes later, I got the ball and made the shot that won. Too bad I didn't see it, since I collapsed right as I took the shot and blacked out. FML

by Anonymous / 05/27/2016 at 12:07am / United States (South Carolina) / Health

Today, I went to a trampoline park and jumped into an adult-area foam pit that apparently used to be for children. I guess it never occurred to them to change the depth of it, as I now have a fractured ankle. FML

by anonymous / 05/25/2016 at 8:34pm / United States (New Mexico) / Health

Today, I was taking a shower, facing away from the faucet, when I dropped the soap. When I bent over to pick up the soap, my sister flushed a toilet in the next room, causing hot water to scorch my anus. I got made my shower's bitch, FML

by teflon_hammer / 05/25/2016 at 7:19pm / United States (Colorado) / Health

Today, I'm on crutches due to hip surgery. I went to the fridge to grab a bite to eat, but quickly realized if I wanted anything, I would have to eat there. I can't carry anything. Cold leftovers here we go. FML

by Tmth / 05/25/2016 at 6:24pm / Health

Today, I've tried literally every possible brand of antiperspirant deodorant available to me in my area. I went to the bathroom to discover I'd pitted out my favorite shirt. It's mild weather, I have done nothing active, and I'm not stressed. My body just loves to make me sweat. FML

by FastTurtle9 / 05/24/2016 at 4:10pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, I think I've finally gotten past the food poisoning that caused me to puke so violently that I pulled muscles in my abdomen and chest. Unfortunately, some of that vomit hung around long enough to give me a sinus infection. FML

by why?? / 05/24/2016 at 9:29am / United States / Health