Today, I dropped my toothbrush. Because I have the spatial awareness of a mentally-retarded gnat, I hit my head against the sink as I bent down to get it. Then I did the same on the way back up, almost KO'ing myself. My boyfriend saw the whole thing and nearly pissed himself laughing. FML

by dammit / 09/12/2015 at 4:11am / Australia (Queensland) / Health

Today, I gave blood for the first time, since I'm a universal donor. After it was done, I passed out, woke up, puked, and passed out again. The kind nurses told me I was the worst case they had seen all week. So much for doing something to help others. FML

by angelsaredicks / 09/11/2015 at 9:55am / United States (West Virginia) / Health

Today, in the early hours of the morning, I woke up in sleep paralysis, hallucinating the sight of children hanging from the ceiling. Now I'm scared to sleep. FML

by bwoolf96 / 09/10/2015 at 8:32am / Health

Today, at a public restroom, I caught my extremely eco-friendly daughter, who was on her period, looking through the trash. When I asked why, she said, "Because I'm looking for pads to use. It'll mean less garbage." I then had to lecture her in the public restroom about health and hygiene. FML

by Anonymous / 09/09/2015 at 9:15pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, after carefully, and might I say, expertly removing all the hair from my girlfriend's genitals, she decided to try and "Nair" my balls. 24 hours later and I still can't walk properly and my balls look like they were involved in a severe kitchen incident. FML

by davetherave1983 / 09/09/2015 at 1:09am / United Kingdom (Manchester) / Health

Today, my older brother offered me a cigarette. I took it and barely took a drag before he socked me in the arm and lectured me for taking the offer. He's an alcoholic, and smokes daily. FML

by Anonymous / 09/06/2015 at 2:59am / United States (Wisconsin) / Health

Today, at a party that was pretty big, I thought it would be funny to photobomb a photo. In doing so, I slipped over and snapped my arm in. I may now have to get surgery. The good thing is I made a hell of a photobomb. FML

by the poor man / 09/05/2015 at 1:36pm / Australia (Western Australia) / Health

Today, while using a portable restroom at the park, I discovered all too late that some very hostile and territorial hornets had made it their home. FML

by Anonymous / 09/05/2015 at 4:39am / United Kingdom / Health

Today, I arrived 10 minutes early to my orthodontist's office to get my braces off. It turns out my appointment was actually one hour earlier, and now the next available appointment is in four weeks. FML

by Anonymous / 09/04/2015 at 8:43pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Health

Today, I had an extreme panic attack in the middle of class. I interrupted another person's presentation, burst into tears, and ran out of class whilst everyone looked at me. FML

by siddance / 09/04/2015 at 2:08pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, my dick of a neighbor tried to file a noise complaint against me, all because I have the flu and am sneezing a lot. FML

by ACCCHHHOOOO!!!!!!!!! -_- / 09/04/2015 at 11:48am / United States (Maryland) / Health

Today, after the doctor poking around my urethra and vagina at a lump, she turns to me and says, "I'm going to be honest, I have no idea what that is. Have some antibiotics and we'll see how it goes in two weeks." Excuse me while I go panic in a corner. FML

by freakingout / 09/02/2015 at 5:10pm / United Kingdom (Coventry) / Health

Today, my doctor informed me that the tests we've been doing the previous months show no sign of leukemia. I was just about to express my relief when he casually followed up with, "Never mind, there's still a lot of other blood-related diseases we need to look out for." FML

by Lily / 09/02/2015 at 6:09am / Austria (Wien) / Health