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Today, I found out I wasn't invited to my neighbor's funeral, with whom I had been good friends with for a long time. When I asked her husband why, he said, "We have a small amount of money and can't afford for you to eat all of the refreshments." FML

#21424589
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24732) - you deserved it (3209)

On 06/11/2015 at 5:04pm - health - by DUFF - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I took new sleeping meds. One of the side effects was sleepwalking. I had a dream my girlfriend wanted me to pee on her. Apparently, while sleepwalking, I pissed all over our dog. FML

#21423425
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24650) - you deserved it (2988)

On 06/09/2015 at 4:03pm - health - by feels like an asshole - United States

Today, I attempted to break the record for the heaviest squat in my local gym. A small crowd witnessed me breaking the record as well as releasing a huge fart. FML

#21420235
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28129) - you deserved it (5538)

On 06/03/2015 at 1:36pm - health - by YuckyDuckyLucky - Norway (Oslo)

Today, I got my make-up remover wipes mixed up with my sister's self-tan wipes. I am currently watching my face slowly turn orange and there is nothing I can do about it. FML

#21420192
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26605) - you deserved it (5621)

On 06/03/2015 at 11:46am - health - by betterthanhodor - United Kingdom

Today, I made a nursing home resident laugh so hard that he had a heart attack. FML

#21420106
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32112) - you deserved it (2988)

On 06/03/2015 at 6:15am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I sneezed and ended up in the emergency room. How? Apparently the sneeze dislodged a kidney stone that is now slowly, painfully working its way from my kidney to my bladder so that I can piss it out. FML

Today, I was having a panic attack so I went to my mum for support. She blocked her ears because my heavy breathing was annoying her. FML

Today, tears and 3 hours on the toilet have made me reevaluate my desire for new culinary experiences. FML

#21417945
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24503) - you deserved it (2650)

On 05/30/2015 at 6:59am - health - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, at my daughter's wedding celebration, I was doing a Michael Jackson act with a few buddies. It went well until I did the crotch-grab. I yanked my balls too hard and fell to the floor, writhing in agony in front of nearly 70 guests. FML

#21417667
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16339) - you deserved it (24933)

On 05/29/2015 at 4:15pm - health - by not a kiddy fiddler really (man) - United States (California)

Today, my father told me that my mental health issues, which have been confirmed by multiple doctors and tests, are all caused by the fact that I'm slightly overweight and don't exercise a lot. FML

#21417547
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26912) - you deserved it (4563)

On 05/29/2015 at 10:23am - health - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, some guy I passed in the street was so high out of his mind, he beat the crap out of me, thinking I was a piñata. FML

#21416582
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30325) - you deserved it (2641)

On 05/27/2015 at 10:21am - health - by Anonymous (man) - Mexico

Today, my dad stood by and nodded in agreement as my sister told me that my clinical depression is "getting REALLY old." FML

#21416569
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29731) - you deserved it (3504)

On 05/27/2015 at 9:39am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Hertford)

Today, I got hit on by an attractive young doctor. After talking for a while we realized that we recognized each other but couldn't figure out how. Then he remembered. He was the one who'd delivered my 10 1/2 lb baby 7 months ago. I stood out because my vag tore worse than anything he'd ever seen. FML



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