Today, I found out that if I try to resist a 70 pound bulldog that's humping my leg, I will end up with stitches. FML

by Anonymous / 12/22/2010 at 2:54am / United States / Health

Today, I got all four of my wisdom teeth taken out. I happen to be allergic to all types of pain medication. FML

by Anonymous / 12/21/2010 at 3:25pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health

Today, my wife got her second kidney stone in a month. I gave her some pills to help with the pain. An hour later she started hallucinating, pulled down her pants and tried to pee on our couch. FML

by qwaynick / 12/21/2010 at 4:25am / Health

Today, I had to go to the bathroom. I was in a rush, so I went into the boys bathroom. I then had diarrhea. The entire basketball team was waiting for me outside the stall. They did a slow clap for me. FML

by Anonymous / 12/20/2010 at 9:31pm / United States (Illinois) / Health

Today, I fell over on the bus. X-Rays revealed not only that I have been growing extra bones in my foot, but that when I fell, I crushed all of them. Doctors don't know how to fix bones that aren't supposed to be there, so they're just going to cut them out. Two days before Christmas. FML

by Anonymous / 12/19/2010 at 4:17am / New Zealand (Otago) / Health

Today, I was run over by my own car as I tried to push it out of a snowbank. FML

by drew / 12/18/2010 at 3:22pm / United States (Michigan) / Health

Today, after struggling with anorexia for months, I got food poisoning. FML

by Anonymous / 12/18/2010 at 12:16am / United States (North Carolina) / Health

Today, I realized that the fish-shaped birth mark on the back of my leg, that I have had all my life, is not really shaped like a fish as I had originally thought. It looks just like a penis. FML

by BYUwildchild / 12/17/2010 at 11:23am / United States / Health

Today, I took out my ear cartilage piercing. With my comb. FML

by Anonymous / 12/17/2010 at 8:13am / Australia (Victoria) / Health

Today, after a week of insomnia, I finally managed to fall asleep. Thirty minutes later, my friends decided to bang on my door, yelling at me to wake up and party with them. I'm now wide awake and hallucinating from lack of sleep. FML

by dmsmcd / 12/17/2010 at 4:48am / United States (California) / Health

Today, I discovered that the painful eczema I get every winter was actually being caused by the moisturising cream I use to treat it. FML

by spleg / 12/16/2010 at 7:06am / United Kingdom (Northamptonshire) / Health

Today, I found out what sound a hammer makes when it strikes the back of my hand. FML

by nukebroadcast / 12/16/2010 at 1:32am / United States (Nevada) / Health

Today, in art class, we made plaster masks. We were supposed to put Vaseline on our partner's face so the plaster didn't rip their facial hair out. My partner forgot to put it on my eye brows and eye lashes. My face is now completely hairless. FML

by Charlayyyy / 12/15/2010 at 9:30pm / Health