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Today, I went to the movies with some girlfriends. The guy behind us was making these pervy, heavy breathing noises, so we threw some popcorn at him. When the movie finished, we saw him in a wheelchair - with a breathing tube sticking out of his neck. FML

#210718
303 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28225) - you deserved it (274064)

On 03/04/2009 at 8:13pm - health - by sheyo (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was in the gym, when i noticed three trainers who worked there staring at me. Thinking that they were checking me out, i turned the speed on the tread mill higher. Finally one of the trainers came over, and asked me to leave until i got a sports bra that actually worked. FML

#209594
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22264) - you deserved it (42428)

On 03/04/2009 at 6:45pm - health - by girlie (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I visited my ex-girlfriend's house. I saw her mother and asked "Hi! Have you recovered from that nasty cold that you had for so long?" She said "I don't have a cold," to which I smiled and said "That's great to hear!" Turns out she had lung-cancer instead. FML

#191131
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39384) - you deserved it (14321)

On 03/02/2009 at 11:09pm - health - by AbsentMindedBoy (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was baking cookies. When I took the tray out of the oven I closed the door, but it bounced back open and hit me in the back of the knees. That caused me to sit down on the hot oven door. I was just wearing my short bathrobe and no underwear. I really burned my ass and um...stuff. FML

#168503
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (81432) - you deserved it (13973)

On 03/01/2009 at 3:45am - health - by Monty (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I found out I could not go to the Philippines because I have never had Chicken Pox. The school took the radical decision to prohibit students who have never had Chicken Pox to leave the college. I am condemned to stay in Hong Kong in some shitty project because I am a healthy young man. FML

#168373
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58316) - you deserved it (3849)

On 03/01/2009 at 3:14am - health - by Swaby (man) - Hong Kong

Today, I went to get a sports physical at a hospital. My nurse was morbidly obese and unattractive. She told me she would go through the tests listed on the sheet. She did everything, including feeling my genitalia. When it was done, I read over the sheet. Genitalia wasn't a test listed. FML

#162461
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (153920) - you deserved it (13823)

On 02/28/2009 at 4:58pm - health - by TahRah (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I drank for every year I've been in school. While in my bed I decided I was too drunk to get up and throw up in the bathroom so I decided to just do it on my floor and clean it up later. Later on I woke up and realized I threw up on my $1000 laptop. FML

#153348
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27438) - you deserved it (205626)

On 02/27/2009 at 3:28pm - health - by ugh!! (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I went to the gym and worked out with a trainer. While doing arm exercises he commented on how impressed he was with the size of my triceps. That really boosted my self-confidence, until he leaned in to feel them and said, "Oh, it's just fat." FML

#125305
23 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40357) - you deserved it (6108)

On 02/24/2009 at 6:14pm - health - by Sheezey (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I stayed home, sick in bed. I had been sleeping on my arms. I got up quickly to grab the phone. My numb left arm rocketed and punched me in the (now cut) lip, which threw me off balance, making me smash my (now bloody) nose off of the headboard. It was a telemarketer. FML

#123831
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48619) - you deserved it (5463)

On 02/24/2009 at 3:34pm - health - by Sick (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I saw a girl texting at school. I told her she might want to put her phone away before she got a detention. She turned around and I saw she was changing her insulin level on her pump. She has diabetes. FML

#112568
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10881) - you deserved it (50873)

On 02/23/2009 at 9:41am - health - by kcd (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I finally won an ongoing battle with my family to go to a restaurant I like, rather than a restaurant I hate with a passion. Now I'm throwing up, and my back is killing me. I'm the only one who got food poisoning. FML

#104112
17 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35583) - you deserved it (11059)

On 02/22/2009 at 2:02pm - health - by amandapurple (woman) - United States

Today, while on a blind date at Hooters, I ordered my food and the waitress asked me if I was stoned, because she couldn't understand me. I have a speech impediment. FML

#98933
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54048) - you deserved it (3768)

On 02/21/2009 at 8:15pm - health - by Vince (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I went to get my blood drawn for the first time. After I explained to the nurse how nervous I was, she replied, "Oh honey, don't worry! This is my first time too!" FML

#91995
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47160) - you deserved it (2451)

On 02/20/2009 at 9:37pm - health - by trackgurl (woman) - United States (Connecticut)



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