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Today, I stayed over at my grandparents' house. I woke up and had to brush my teeth. My grandma asked if I had found a toothbrush to use. I told her that I used my old purple toothbrush. She told me that was the toothbrush she used to brush her toenails. FML

#452198
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66750) - you deserved it (9425)

On 03/18/2009 at 9:41pm - health - by uofpalum (man) - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, my mother had to take a stool sample because she has been ill for several days. Curious, I eventually had to ask, "how did you intercept the poo before it got submerged in water?". She yelled from the other room, "you know that little plate with the red stripe". I was eating off of it. FML

#327078
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (80813) - you deserved it (6856)

On 03/14/2009 at 7:06pm - health - by imfullthanks (man) - Norway (Oslo)

Today, I went to Walmart with my mom. At the check out line I was eating a bag of chips as my mom bought her stuff. I inhaled while eating and I started to choke. The cashier asked me if I was okay. My mom just waved her hand, and said, "Sometimes she does that for attention, ignore her." FML

#314524
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (85882) - you deserved it (7341)

On 03/14/2009 at 12:13am - health - by choker (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I asked my parents if the outfit I was wearing made me look fat. My mom looked at me and paused for a while; my dad said, "Honey, that outfit doesn't make you look fat. Your fat makes you look fat." FML

#284763
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63228) - you deserved it (21321)

On 03/12/2009 at 3:49pm - health - by mugs (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I called a priest "lame". He responded jokingly with "God will smite you!" I laughed and walked out the door. I tripped and broke my ankle. FML

#280211
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33100) - you deserved it (96444)

On 03/12/2009 at 8:07am - health - by lolzor (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I was pulled over because I looked like a possible suspect for a robbery. While searching me, the police's radio went off and the person on the other line said, "Possible suspect, 5'5", thin" - the officer stopped right then and murmured, "too short and fat" and walked back to his car. FML

#263421
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54169) - you deserved it (4194)

On 03/10/2009 at 7:03pm - health - by yodada (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had my wisdom teeth pulled. There was a cyst behind one of them, and the dentist decided to extract it - except the Novocaine didn't reach that far back. I raised my hand like they said to do, and the dentist looked at me writing in pain and said, "No, you're fine." FML

#255362
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68794) - you deserved it (2772)

On 03/09/2009 at 9:03pm - health - by toothache (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I went to the ER for severe pain in my abdominal area. The doctor comes in after looking at the CT scan and says, "Well it's not your appendix." Thinking I'm in the clear I say, "That's Awesome", the doctor then responded with "It's probably your testicles." FML

Today, it was my final meeting with my psychologist who was helping me with my bipolar disorder. I just found out that he committed suicide. FML

#225762
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (118463) - you deserved it (5616)

On 03/06/2009 at 12:11pm - health - by drakx88 (man) - United States (California)

Today, I walked into my house to find everyone sitting around the table and looking sad. I thought it would be a good time to crack a joke and said "What's wrong? Grandma finally die?" Turns out she had. FML

#217290
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24671) - you deserved it (128532)

On 03/05/2009 at 2:33pm - health - by ubbernoob (man) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I was debating weed legalization in drug awareness. I was thoroughly unleashing arguments: how marijuana turns normal citizens into criminals, how the government spends billions to enforce drug laws, when I lost my train of thought. My teacher grinned saying, "My point exactly." FML

Today, I went to the movies with some girlfriends. The guy behind us was making these pervy, heavy breathing noises, so we threw some popcorn at him. When the movie finished, we saw him in a wheelchair - with a breathing tube sticking out of his neck. FML

#210718
303 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28226) - you deserved it (274119)

On 03/04/2009 at 8:13pm - health - by sheyo (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)



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