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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I wanted to look really good for my date. I was a little self-conscious, so I decided to use Nair on my upper lip just in case I had a female mustache. Unfortunately, it turns out I'm allergic to Nair. Now I DO have a mustache. A rash mustache. FML

#1801231
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41589) - you deserved it (15087)

On 05/10/2009 at 1:22am - health - by muffin (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I went to the zoo with a guy I like, when we were there we saw a swarm of bees. I told him that if I got stung he would have to watch me because my dad is deathly allergic to bees and I have never been stung. Jokingly, he nudged me into the bush and said "let's see". We did. I'm allergic. FML

#1797084
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58775) - you deserved it (5222)

On 05/09/2009 at 11:38pm - health - by busybee (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I had surgery on my foot. The doctor told me I'd be on crutches for 6 months. I texted my boyfriend the news, promising lots of intimate favors if he'd watch movies with me while on bed rest for the next week. He texted back, "No way. I don't date cripples." Dumped for a broken foot. FML

#1743823
221 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60276) - you deserved it (4690)

On 05/08/2009 at 4:28am - health - by gimp. (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was walking to class with my roommate. She didn't notice the car coming up behind her because her headphones were in. As I pulled her out of the way, she thought I was goofing around and shoved me back... in front of the car. I got hit and rolled off the hood. FML

#1719560
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (115343) - you deserved it (5646)

On 05/07/2009 at 3:11pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Italy (Toscana)

Today, is my mothers birthday. I decided to take her out to lunch. On the way there, we had a car accident. It was my fault. For my mothers birthday I gave her: 3 broken ribs. FML

#1688990
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47311) - you deserved it (17136)

On 05/06/2009 at 11:47am - health - by FortuneFaded (man) - South Africa (Gauteng)

Today, I went to donate blood for the first time. When they stuck the needle in my arm, I had a panic attack and begged that they take it out. The woman helping me told me she'd take it out in a moment and left. It was then that the Red Cross stole a pint of my blood while I had a panic attack. FML

#1674851
218 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46365) - you deserved it (16361)

On 05/05/2009 at 8:22pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, I donated blood for the first time, and all the nurses kept complimenting on how good my veins were. That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me in the past 2 months. FML

#1614849
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50075) - you deserved it (3914)

On 05/04/2009 at 12:40am - health - by lsta (woman) - United States (California)

Today, it's my wedding day. It was meant to be perfect. The bouquet, along with a high pollen count, set my hay fever off. I walked down the aisle in front of 200 people with streaming eyes and a runny nose; I then had a sneezing fit during my vows and blew a large snot bubble. Real attractive. FML

#1602310
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62262) - you deserved it (7095)

On 05/03/2009 at 6:16pm - health - by Cherub (woman) - United Kingdom (Cheshire)

Today, I went to the dentist. After drilling my teeth for what seemed like hours, he gave me a long speech about how if I continue to smoke, the yellowing of my teeth won't be the only problem. I don't smoke. I never have. FML

#1585539
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46914) - you deserved it (8258)

On 05/03/2009 at 4:37am - health - by bananayellowteeth (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, during lunch at school, a wave of nausea came over me. I ran to the bathroom and made it just in time. As I was throwing up, I set off the toilet's automatic flush and my vomit came flying back into my face. FML

#1558068
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64143) - you deserved it (4704)

On 05/02/2009 at 1:05pm - health - by sicktomystomach (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I left a party after drinking, and was soon pulled over. I frantically grabbed my mouthwash I keep for emergency situations to cover up the alcohol smell on my breath. I was given the breathalyzer almost immediately. I blew a 2.37. Apparently, alcohol is the main ingredient of Listerine. FML

#1550059
240 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29657) - you deserved it (269145)

On 05/02/2009 at 2:21am - health - by breathalizard (man) - United States (North Dakota)

Today, I went to a fast-food joint and ordered off the $1.00 menu to save money. Five hours later I go to the hospital with food-poisoning. After a whole day of not eating, crapping, puking, having tests, and a bunch of IV fluids, my $1.00 burger ended up costing me $2,000 in bills. Really. FML

#1547778
418 comments

I agree, your life sucks (158138) - you deserved it (23982)

On 05/02/2009 at 12:56am - health - by Sick (woman) - United States (Florida)



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