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Today, I began to choke on a large pill while my mom was in the room. Hoping that she would help me, I began to make a lot of noise. After she completely ignored me, I threw my body over a chair, saving my life. At this point my mother asks me to shut up because she can't hear her friend. FML

#2436304
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56558) - you deserved it (4122)

On 05/30/2009 at 3:50pm - health - by quietdown (woman) - United States (California)

Today, we had to have our vet put our horse down. Afterwards we were discussing burial options. We then find the cat with a broken neck. Had to have her put down also. Now we have animal services questioning us for animal abuse. FML

Today, I was working at a day care center. A 5 year old boy came up to me telling me he wanted to eat my face. Confused, I asked him why. He said, "Because your face looks like pizza." FML

#2406815
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46568) - you deserved it (4691)

On 05/29/2009 at 5:09pm - health - by PiZzA_FaCe (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I got my belly button pierced. The guy put a small dot with a sharpie right above the center of my belly button so he knew exactly where to pierce. I also have a small freckle noticeably to the left of center of my belly button. Guess which one he pierced through. FML

#2399867
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45103) - you deserved it (6094)

On 05/29/2009 at 11:47am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, while getting ready for work I realized all my pants were getting a bit tight. When I got home from work I went in to the bathroom and stood on the scale which confirmed I have gained a few pounds. I then realized that I was eating while standing on the scale. FML

#2390335
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10785) - you deserved it (54119)

On 05/28/2009 at 10:35pm - health - by pathetic (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, it was my friend's birthday. She's been having problems with most of her friends besides me lately, so I wanted to do something special. I brought her a cake. Me and her were the only ones to have any. It gave us both food poisoning. FML

#2379437
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41845) - you deserved it (4276)

On 05/28/2009 at 5:43pm - health - by HappyBirthday (woman) - United States

Today, I was shaving my balls with a blade razor because my electric trimmer had died and I had a big date with the girl of my dreams. I moved too quickly and accidentally knicked a vein in my scrotum. I had to hold gauze over my balls until the paramedics arrived. FML

Today, I found some oversized-strawberry-spree candies in my pantry. They were delicious and I munched on them through out the day. I ended up in and out, but mostly in, the bathroom in the dead hours of the night experiencing the wonders and effectiveness of Fruit Flavored Fiber pills. FML

#2367025
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12978) - you deserved it (42946)

On 05/28/2009 at 3:14am - health - by KKimrae_ness (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was dealing with a psychiatric patient with a colonostomy bag. She got agitated and ripped the bag from her abdomen and threw it at my face. I got a bag filled with poop thrown at my face. FML

#2364469
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52376) - you deserved it (2979)

On 05/28/2009 at 1:04am - health - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I decided to give blood for the second time. I felt excrutiating pain when she stuck the needle in my arm. Another nurse came running over in a panic. Apparently my inexperienced nurse had put it in my tendon instead of my vein. FML

#2363233
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63141) - you deserved it (2477)

On 05/28/2009 at 12:19am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I hired an exterminator to get the roaches out of the house I am renting. I came back from work and went to my bathroom, noticing that he used the plunger to unclog the toilet after he took a dump. After $150, there was shit all over my floor and plunger, and roaches still in my kitchen. FML

#2303239
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54427) - you deserved it (3330)

On 05/26/2009 at 5:18am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Greece (Attiki)

Today, I weighed myself for the first time in a while and confirmed that I have put on a few pounds. I was feeling a bit down about it. I went to work and on arriving a workmate I hadn't seen in a while gave me a hug. She said, 'I love hugging you, you're so nice and squishy.' FML

#2302779
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43977) - you deserved it (7135)

On 05/26/2009 at 4:23am - health - by squishyboy (man) - New Zealand (Auckland)



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