Today, I was doing my grocery shopping, absent-mindedly wondering if my new diet was working. I got my answer when my panties fell down around my ankles. FML

by knickersdontfit / 01/26/2011 at 12:44pm / United States (New Jersey) / Health

Today, after mourning and making my girlfriend cancel her big birthday party, I found out my grandma didn't actually die. FML

by WronglySad619 / 01/26/2011 at 5:31am / United States (California) / Health

Today, my uncle had a flashback to Vietnam. I'm now missing a tooth and have a cracked rib. FML

by Randall / 01/25/2011 at 2:28am / United States (California) / Health

Today, my boyfriend had to give me an enema. FML

by Anonymous / 01/24/2011 at 7:30pm / United States (Texas) / Health

Today, I went to the eye doctor. For the past three days every time I wear my glasses I become nauseous, get migraines, and have that "fish-eye view" where everything is rounded. Turns out they placed my lenses on the wrong sides. FML

by l0stnwundrland / 01/24/2011 at 3:01am / United States / Health

Today, I had a panic attack because I was constipated. FML

by Sostupid / 01/23/2011 at 10:41pm / Canada (Alberta) / Health

Today, I was at my doctor's office. I thought I had a kidney stone. Turns out I'm pregnant and I have a kidney stone. FML

by Anonymous / 01/23/2011 at 7:22pm / United States (Illinois) / Health

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house and had to go to the bathroom. While peeing, I had a cough attack. The cough shook my body, making me pee all over my pants. My girlfriend's parents just arrived. FML

by GuillermoCJ / 01/22/2011 at 12:36am / Mexico (Baja California) / Health

Today, after months of living with my roommate's horrific snoring, I looked over to see her sleeping quietly. Elated that I might actually get a full night of rest for once, I went to bed. Just as my eyelids began to droop, she started making vile hissing sounds. Yes, hissing. FML

by turnedintoinsomniac / 01/21/2011 at 2:46pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, I braved the winter weather conditions to get to a clinic for a prescription anti-diarrhea medication. When I arrived to find it closed, I turned around to walk to my car where I slipped on the ice. The impact made me simultaneously bruise my elbow and shit myself. FML

by chelseaface / 01/21/2011 at 10:13am / United States (New Jersey) / Health

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I'm "high maintenance." I'd only asked him to use deodorant and brush his teeth. He hasn't had a shower in over a week. FML

by Anonymous / 01/21/2011 at 4:25am / Monaco / Health

Today, I now know why my next-door neighbour can't look me in the eye without smirking. He can hear every grunt, groan, fart and strain that happens in my bathroom from his bathroom. FML

by Username / 01/20/2011 at 10:55pm / Health

Today, I came to school really sick because I had to take an important exam. After I finally finished, I accidentally sneezed on my answer sheet right before turning it in. The teacher refused to take it. FML

by sickly / 01/20/2011 at 12:47am / United States (Texas) / Health