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Today, I was eating a bag of almonds I got from the bulk food store, picking off what I thought was stringy remnants of their shells. When I finally got down to the bottom of the bag, I found a silk worm circling around the last almond left of a bag of about 200. FML

#6674609
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30989) - you deserved it (5513)

On 12/09/2009 at 12:25am - health - by somechick (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I slipped on the new snow and sprained my ankle. As my mom and I were leaving the emergency room, she says, "You owe me $4 for parking," and she meant it. FML

#6663134
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28396) - you deserved it (3651)

On 12/08/2009 at 10:19am - health - by redcherries90 (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I gave my sister some Lubriderm for a skin condition we share. While she was applying the lotion I joking said "Wouldn't it be funny if it made it worse?" Guess who got punched in the face, twice, because it did. FML

#6660258
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11490) - you deserved it (21708)

On 12/08/2009 at 1:53am - health - by Anonymous - United States (Oregon)

Today, I took a hot plate out of the oven with my fancy silicone oven mitt. Seconds after carefully placing it on the cook top, I picked it up with my left, unprotected hand. FML

#6652180
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6652) - you deserved it (30906)

On 12/07/2009 at 6:08pm - health - by Van (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I sneezed while brushing my teeth and ended up with toothpaste in my eye. I haven't been able to see for two hours. FML

#6631791
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28944) - you deserved it (3648)

On 12/06/2009 at 9:03am - health - by lol (woman) - United Kingdom (North East Lincolnshire)

Today, I found out my diet and exercise plan wasn't nearly as effective when it comes to weight loss as I had originally thought. It turns out what really accounts for all the weight I've been losing is tape worms. FML

#6630317
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31383) - you deserved it (2834)

On 12/06/2009 at 4:16am - health - by wormsick (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I opened up a can of tomato soup I'd taken from my parents' house recently. After eating the whole can, I started feeling a little off, so I checked the expiration date. It expired 12 years ago. FML

#6624561
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13821) - you deserved it (33133)

On 12/05/2009 at 10:37pm - health - by soupduped (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I started growing hair on my upper lip. I'm finally becoming a man! Too bad I'm a 17 year old girl. FML

#6594462
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37236) - you deserved it (4641)

On 12/04/2009 at 12:55am - health - by harry (woman) - Hong Kong

Today, I asked my mom if she could include mashed potatoes and gravy with dinner. She then went on to yell at me about my "unhealthy eating habits" and how I've "gained a lot of weight in the past few months". I'm pregnant. FML

#6587756
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31092) - you deserved it (3696)

On 12/03/2009 at 7:02pm - health - by preggo (woman) - United States

Today, my husband stabbed me with his unusually long nasty toes nails in the leg while he slept. It took 3 stitches to fix it up, my husband and doctor laughed the entire time. He still refuses to cut them. FML

#6578474
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37314) - you deserved it (3459)

On 12/03/2009 at 12:59am - health - by ewww (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, while stepping out of the shower, I slipped and cut my head. I went to the hospital, got 8 stitches and was tested for head trauma. After hours of ignoring my calls and texts, my girlfriend finally responded, very angrily. Why? Today is her birthday, and I "selfishly made it about me." FML

#6565317
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37833) - you deserved it (3796)

On 12/02/2009 at 6:36am - health - by michelle91 (man) - Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur)

Today, I heard my cat climbing on the counters in the kitchen. To prevent a tremendous avalanche of dishes, I picked up the cat and put it outside. She got scared from the blinds and scurried away leaving deep scratches across my nipple. I wasn't wearing a shirt. FML

#6546793
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19693) - you deserved it (14934)

On 12/01/2009 at 2:05am - health - by ihatecats - United States

Today, my mom sat on a pencil and started bleeding. She then made me clean the wound on her butt and put ointment on it. FML

#6522437
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31592) - you deserved it (4331)

On 11/29/2009 at 9:39pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)



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