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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I went out to a nice restaurant for my friend's birthday. I went to the bathroom and heard the woman in the other stall crying. She couldn't pull her underwear up over her obese, old-lady ass because her arms don't reach that far anymore. I was the only one there. I had no choice. FML

#1866535
380 comments

I agree, your life sucks (74904) - you deserved it (10793)

On 05/12/2009 at 3:19am - health - by bathroomseww (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got my wisdom teeth out. Due to the drugs they gave me I felt nauseous. When I went to the bathroom as a precaution I did not throw up. Instead I passed out face first in the toilet. FML

#1847078
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42172) - you deserved it (2621)

On 05/11/2009 at 4:37pm - health - by anon (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I went to the doctor. I had a spider bite that had been getting progressively larger for days. I had been putting Neosporin on underneath the bandage that was on it. The doctor saw my wound and laughed. He said the spider bite was no big deal, but that I was allergic to the Neosporin. FML

#1840722
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49373) - you deserved it (9113)

On 05/11/2009 at 11:14am - health - by Manatee (man) - United States (California)

Today, I poured myself some punch into a mug I have sitting on a shelf at my studio. Upon tipping it upside down to swallow the last few delicious drops, I see a cluster of mouse droppings stuck to the bottom. FML

Today, I went to go visit my beloved husband in the hospital. As I went past the nurses station, I heard them talking about the "bastard in Room 303." I went on to visit my husband in room 303. FML

#1801760
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45811) - you deserved it (4759)

On 05/10/2009 at 1:38am - health - by LadyLuck (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I wanted to look really good for my date. I was a little self-conscious, so I decided to use Nair on my upper lip just in case I had a female mustache. Unfortunately, it turns out I'm allergic to Nair. Now I DO have a mustache. A rash mustache. FML

#1801231
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41531) - you deserved it (15071)

On 05/10/2009 at 1:22am - health - by muffin (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I went to the zoo with a guy I like, when we were there we saw a swarm of bees. I told him that if I got stung he would have to watch me because my dad is deathly allergic to bees and I have never been stung. Jokingly, he nudged me into the bush and said "let's see". We did. I'm allergic. FML

#1797084
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58675) - you deserved it (5215)

On 05/09/2009 at 11:38pm - health - by busybee (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I had surgery on my foot. The doctor told me I'd be on crutches for 6 months. I texted my boyfriend the news, promising lots of intimate favors if he'd watch movies with me while on bed rest for the next week. He texted back, "No way. I don't date cripples." Dumped for a broken foot. FML

#1743823
221 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60197) - you deserved it (4687)

On 05/08/2009 at 4:28am - health - by gimp. (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was walking to class with my roommate. She didn't notice the car coming up behind her because her headphones were in. As I pulled her out of the way, she thought I was goofing around and shoved me back... in front of the car. I got hit and rolled off the hood. FML

#1719560
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (115038) - you deserved it (5640)

On 05/07/2009 at 3:11pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Italy (Toscana)

Today, is my mothers birthday. I decided to take her out to lunch. On the way there, we had a car accident. It was my fault. For my mothers birthday I gave her: 3 broken ribs. FML

#1688990
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46539) - you deserved it (16847)

On 05/06/2009 at 11:47am - health - by FortuneFaded (man) - South Africa (Gauteng)

Today, I went to donate blood for the first time. When they stuck the needle in my arm, I had a panic attack and begged that they take it out. The woman helping me told me she'd take it out in a moment and left. It was then that the Red Cross stole a pint of my blood while I had a panic attack. FML

#1674851
217 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46269) - you deserved it (16338)

On 05/05/2009 at 8:22pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, I donated blood for the first time, and all the nurses kept complimenting on how good my veins were. That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me in the past 2 months. FML

#1614849
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50016) - you deserved it (3910)

On 05/04/2009 at 12:40am - health - by lsta (woman) - United States (California)



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