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Today, I called my mom to tell her: "Mom, I finally got my period!" There was an awkward pause. She was at work. I was on speakerphone. FML

#644673
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57316) - you deserved it (21936)

On 03/27/2009 at 3:15pm - health - by Crampon (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, as a veteran blood donor, I made a friend who was donating for the first time- I told her not to be scared and that I've been doing it for six years and that it was a great way to help people. While at the snack area afterwards, I passed out, started convulsing and went into shock. FML

#573136
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61601) - you deserved it (6493)

On 03/24/2009 at 8:43am - health - by bridalqueen (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my mom suspected me of doing marijuana. She went and bought a home-drug test and sent me to the bathroom. As I went in, I realized there was already pee in the toilet. I scooped that instead of my own and handed it to my mom. It came up positive. My sister used the bathroom last. She's 12. FML

#569324
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29582) - you deserved it (70917)

On 03/24/2009 at 12:19am - health - by smokythebear (man) - United States

Today, at the gym, I saw this really pretty girl. Trying to impress her, I started lifting with heavy weights. One of the weights slipped out of my hand. I then dropped the other one, trying to make it seem like it was on purpose. I dropped the weight on my phone. I squealed. She giggled. FML

#547480
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9243) - you deserved it (74584)

On 03/23/2009 at 1:42am - health - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was cutting a bagel, only to slice the back of my hand with the knife. As I grabbed paper towels to clean up the blood, I noticed that the bagel was pre-sliced. FML

#531777
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27126) - you deserved it (74354)

On 03/22/2009 at 2:43pm - health - by IHateBagels (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I stayed over at my grandparents' house. I woke up and had to brush my teeth. My grandma asked if I had found a toothbrush to use. I told her that I used my old purple toothbrush. She told me that was the toothbrush she used to brush her toenails. FML

#452198
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65110) - you deserved it (9182)

On 03/18/2009 at 9:41pm - health - by uofpalum (man) - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, my mother had to take a stool sample because she has been ill for several days. Curious, I eventually had to ask, "how did you intercept the poo before it got submerged in water?". She yelled from the other room, "you know that little plate with the red stripe". I was eating off of it. FML

#327078
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (77376) - you deserved it (6433)

On 03/14/2009 at 7:06pm - health - by imfullthanks (man) - Norway (Oslo)

Today, I went to Walmart with my mom. At the check out line I was eating a bag of chips as my mom bought her stuff. I inhaled while eating and I started to choke. The cashier asked me if I was okay. My mom just waved her hand, and said, "Sometimes she does that for attention, ignore her." FML

#314524
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (80809) - you deserved it (6727)

On 03/14/2009 at 12:13am - health - by choker (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I asked my parents if the outfit I was wearing made me look fat. My mom looked at me and paused for a while; my dad said, "Honey, that outfit doesn't make you look fat. Your fat makes you look fat." FML

#284763
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58457) - you deserved it (19381)

On 03/12/2009 at 3:49pm - health - by mugs (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I called a priest "lame". He responded jokingly with "God will smite you!" I laughed and walked out the door. I tripped and broke my ankle. FML

#280211
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32013) - you deserved it (93927)

On 03/12/2009 at 8:07am - health - by lolzor (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I was pulled over because I looked like a possible suspect for a robbery. While searching me, the police's radio went off and the person on the other line said, "Possible suspect, 5'5", thin" - the officer stopped right then and murmured, "too short and fat" and walked back to his car. FML

#263421
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52852) - you deserved it (4044)

On 03/10/2009 at 7:03pm - health - by yodada (woman) - United States (California)



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