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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, a fly landed on my face. Before I could even react, my brother "helpfully" punched it hard enough to both kill the fly and knock me out. FML

#21182108
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43057) - you deserved it (4370)

On 06/20/2014 at 5:00pm - health - by blackchin III (man) - United Kingdom (Edinburgh, City of)

Today, I found out I have genital herpes. I'm a virgin. FML

#21181955
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54835) - you deserved it (5367)

On 06/20/2014 at 2:20pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I feel massively depressed, but I can't talk to anyone about it as I'm British. FML

#21177849
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35757) - you deserved it (10057)

On 06/17/2014 at 8:26am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom

Today, my dad called me into the bathroom, saying "Get a load of this shit, son" and forcing me to look at the biggest, foulest-smelling turd I have ever seen in my life in the toilet. It's been three hours and I still feel physically ill. FML

#21173465
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43202) - you deserved it (5446)

On 06/13/2014 at 4:17pm - health - by green and not with envy (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was walking in the street, and the next thing I know, I'm waking up in a hospital. According to witnesses, a guy came up and hit me over the head with a baseball bat. Apparently that's a thing that happens now. But it's okay, he had an excuse: he said he was drunk. FML

#21168803
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47108) - you deserved it (3476)

On 06/09/2014 at 9:56pm - health - by Harry (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I broke my nose trying to pop a zit. FML

#21168348
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45618) - you deserved it (20703)

On 06/09/2014 at 3:36pm - health - by blanknameisblank (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was playing some soccer with my buddies, when a kid came over, yelled "CUP CHECK!" and nailed me in the nuts then ran away laughing. Millions of my unborn children died in agony. All his fatass mom did was chuckle nervously and pat her satan-spawn on the head. FML

#21166299
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48167) - you deserved it (4887)

On 06/07/2014 at 5:16pm - health - by wish his dad had worn one (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I fell down the stairs and broke my leg. My dad helped me to the car so he could drive me to the hospital, but when he saw our neighbor, he went over and had a 15 minute screaming match with him over how his dog keeps shitting on our lawn, all while I sat in the car in agony. FML

#21165275
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49584) - you deserved it (4050)

On 06/06/2014 at 7:09pm - health - by wo-ow (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, after a big house party the night before, I woke up with a dry mouth and a pounding hangover. I took a swig from a cup I'd left on my bedside table the night before, thinking it was water. Nope; it was vodka. FML

#21165218
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23224) - you deserved it (39057)

On 06/06/2014 at 6:01pm - health - by shartface12 (man) - United States (California)

Today, my brain decided to go into suicide mode. So far I've managed to open a fridge door into my face, walk balls-first into the corner of a table, and sliced my finger while trying to cut open some thick plastic packaging with scissors. I'll probably be dead by the time this is posted. FML

#21165186
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48178) - you deserved it (5576)

On 06/06/2014 at 5:26pm - health - by FMyBrain (man) - United States (Alaska)

Today, I figured I needed to go on a diet when I discovered I could make farting noises with my neck. FML

#21163432
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36176) - you deserved it (16821)

On 06/05/2014 at 12:11am - health - by fat and alone - United States (Alabama)

Today, as I was standing in line at the checkout, the elderly guy in front turned around and said quietly to me, "Sometimes I shit my pants." He then nodded grimly and turned back around, hitting me with the full force of the stench now coming from his pants. FML

#21158187
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42614) - you deserved it (3653)

On 05/31/2014 at 12:39pm - health - by half-dead in CA (man) - United States (California)



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