Today, I helped my parents move out of their old house. While I was guiding my dad down the stairs with the couch, my mom asked me to pick up the tape on the step below me. I bent over and grunted. My dad thought I said "Go" and kept moving. He knocked me down two flights of steps. FML

by Anonymous / 05/02/2011 at 1:43pm / United States (New York) / Health

Today, I was so sick that I was puking and had the runs. While on the toilet, I yelled for my boyfriend to get me a bowl to puke in. As I did so, I saw that a ton of it was forming on the floor in dots. My boyfriend had given me a spaghetti strainer. FML

by megomania / 05/02/2011 at 9:51am / United States (North Carolina) / Health

Today, I found out that the weird lump on my eye is benign. That would be great news but they aren't going to treat it at all. Now I look like I'm high all the time. FML

by anon / 05/02/2011 at 6:58am / United States (California) / Health

Today, I accidentally set my hair on fire while lighting a cigarette. I panicked and put it out by slapping myself in the face. FML

by Burnt / 05/02/2011 at 5:33am / United States (Texas) / Health

Today, my favorite song came on and I started playing the air guitar and head banging to it. I didn't realize just how close I was to the chair next to me and went face first into the metal back. FML

by Jordan / 04/30/2011 at 3:52pm / United States / Health

Today, my bladder decided to empty itself while I was on a rollercoaster. FML

by Anonymous / 04/30/2011 at 3:03pm / United States (Kentucky) / Health

Today, I was stuck crouching over the toilet after a night of drinking. My fiancé walked in, gathered my hair, and held it out of the way. When another wave of nausea hit me and I leaned in, he shoved my face into the bowl and ran out, laughing and yelling, "That'll teach ya!" FML

by Laci / 04/30/2011 at 1:50pm / United States (North Carolina) / Health

Today, I had a horrible stomach flu and was well into my second hour of dry heaving when I heard my husband knock on the bathroom door. I was touched that he was worried about me until I heard, "Honey, what did you make me for dinner?" FML

by greenintheface / 04/30/2011 at 2:27am / United States (Michigan) / Health

Today, I was cruising with a coworker and his friend, and I started getting tired. His friend offered me a caffeine pill. It wasn't caffeine. It was laxatives. FML

by Username / 04/30/2011 at 12:49am / United States / Health

Today, I was sword fighting in a play when I accidentally hit the other person in the head. He called me a bitch and stormed off stage, leaving me alone with an audience of 50. FML

by me / 04/30/2011 at 12:25am / United States / Health

Today, my mom paid $40 for overnight shipping on delivery of paint for my Art major dropout sister, but insists on making me wait two weeks for my diabetes medication. FML

by thanksmom / 04/29/2011 at 9:00pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, my doctor told me my asthma was being triggered by my dad's smoking. He wrote a note to my dad, asking him to refrain from smoking while around me. My dad took one look at the note, then threw it in the trash, saying the doctor "doesn't know what he's talking about." FML

by Wtf / 04/29/2011 at 12:09pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health

Today, a tornado watch has been instituted in my town. At this moment, I have violent diarrhea, and my toilet sits right in front of a window. FML

by cnamobi / 04/28/2011 at 12:51pm / United States (North Carolina) / Health