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Today, I was at walmart when my stomach began to hurt. I quickly waddled to the restroom in pain. As soon as I got in the stall, a huge crap exploded out of me. The child in the stall next to me started crying. When her mom asked what was wrong she said that I'd "killed her nose". FML

#3361418
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55793) - you deserved it (8567)

On 06/30/2009 at 7:53am - health - by poopshooter101 (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I decided to start running to stay fit. Before I left, I put my cell phone in my sweat shirt pocket, and jumped vigorously up and down and ran around my apartment to make sure it wouldn't fall out. On a bridge, it slides out of my pocket and drops fifteen feet into the water below. FML

#3360429
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38706) - you deserved it (14594)

On 06/30/2009 at 5:23am - health - by Ginny (woman) - Netherlands (Friesland)

Today, I took chocolax to help lose some weight before I left for Miami. Turns out it doesn't happen right away like in the movies, it happens six hours later in front of your girlfriends parents, that you've just met for the first time at a very upperclass restaurant. FML

#3355159
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12354) - you deserved it (50280)

On 06/30/2009 at 1:14am - health - by POLYBLOT (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I got my wisdom teeth out. My doctor said it was okay to eat, so, I had some mashed potatoes. Apparently, my body disagreed with the doctor, because I threw up. Because my face was so swollen, it didn't make it out my mouth. It went through my nose instead. I literally blew chunks. FML

Today, I asked my mother if we could test me for OCD, since so many people have suggested to me that I might have it. She smiles at me and says, "No, honey, you're just really really weird." FML

#3246317
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40293) - you deserved it (6242)

On 06/26/2009 at 3:48pm - health - by sad_panda (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I couldn't sleep and in the process of tossing and turning I did something very painful to my back. I spent 4 years in the marine corps infantry, but laying in a bed kicks my ass. FML

#3137547
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39419) - you deserved it (4548)

On 06/23/2009 at 1:16am - health - by usmcpain (man) - United States

Today, I discovered that the hearing in my left ear is still good. I haven't been able to hear that well out of it for 2 weeks and I thought I popped an eardrum and waited for it to heal. I stuck a Q-Tip in there to clean it out. Turns out there was actually a dead fly in my ear. For 2 weeks. FML

#3130305
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52828) - you deserved it (9976)

On 06/22/2009 at 9:13pm - health - by JK710 - United States (Georgia)

Today, I visited my grandma. She offered me some chips in ziploc bag. I thought they were sour cream and onion chips from the look. They tasted funny, but I didn't want to be rude and I kept eating. I looked closer after a while and noticed that what I thought were chives was actually mold. FML

#3109891
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43959) - you deserved it (8473)

On 06/22/2009 at 1:43am - health - by badeats (man) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I was talking to my only grandson about how I was going to the dentist to get my teeth fixed and how it was going to cost a lot of money, he replied saying "Who cares, you're going to die soon anyways". FML

#3096413
225 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61267) - you deserved it (3506)

On 06/21/2009 at 5:46pm - health - by oldtimerclark - United States (Georgia)

Today, my insomnia started back up again. It was too late to get something to help me sleep so I was lying there wondering what I should do. I decided to listen to some ambient music. It helped a lot, but when I was about to fall asleep my parents decided to start doing 'it'. FML

#3050624
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47110) - you deserved it (2433)

On 06/20/2009 at 1:28am - health - by sleepless (man) - United States (California)

Today, the weather was nice so I decided to eat outside. I quickly found out that my new, expensive hair conditioner attracts bees. Lots of bees. FML

#3017474
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41646) - you deserved it (6188)

On 06/19/2009 at 12:32am - health - by Stung (woman) - United States (Illinois)



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