Today, my head has been killing me. I've had the worst headache ever. Happy that I could finally sleep, I plopped onto my bed and bashed my head on the wall. FML

by Monique / 04/10/2011 at 2:50am / United States (Texas) / Health

Today, when I picked up my repeat subscription of anti-anxiety medication, they had changed the packaging to be more 'child safe'. Now it's so hard to get the pills out that I had an anxiety attack trying to take one. FML

by VoiceMail / 04/09/2011 at 8:53am / Australia (Queensland) / Health

Today, after getting up to press snooze on my alarm clock, I climbed back into bed. When I went to reach for the covers quickly because I was cold, I missed, yet still managed to pull back my fist with force punching myself in the face. I now have a bloody fat lip. FML

by FistFighter / 04/09/2011 at 12:01am / United States (California) / Health

Today, as a going away present after five years of military service and one combat tour, the hospital scheduled me for a prostate exam. FML

by jonh_215 / 04/08/2011 at 12:09pm / United States / Health

Today, I finally found a reason to quit smoking. I threw my cigarette butt out the window and it blew back in, went down the back of my pants, and burnt my butt in 3 different places. FML

by Anonymous / 04/08/2011 at 11:30am / United States / Health

Today, I was in the emergency room. The doctor told me that my injuries and back problems are the intensity of those after a car accident. I slipped on a grape. FML

by ridella / 04/08/2011 at 6:35am / Health

Today, I accidentally clamped my hair straightener down on my ear. Eleven hours later, it still feels like I have a burning, swollen fireball hanging off the side of my head. FML

by Anonymous / 04/07/2011 at 5:18pm / United States / Health

Today, at 21 years old, I am still so flat chested that I can't even fit into training bras meant for 12 year olds. FML

by nerdsgetmehot / 04/07/2011 at 12:55pm / United States (Oregon) / Health

Today, I finally learned why the application of lasers, acids, liquid nitrogen and witchcraft never did any good on the huge warts on my hands. Apparently, it's a genetic disease and not a virus. For unknown reasons, I've recently grown the normal viral kind too. On my tongue. FML

Today, I sprained my sternum in my rugby match. I now can't yell, laugh, cough, inhale or exhale fully, or sneeze without a sharp pain shooting through my chest. I have a pollen allergy, and sneeze every 5 or 10 minutes. FML

by ouchiee / 04/07/2011 at 12:17am / United States (California) / Health

Today, I discovered that an unmentioned side effect of my new medication is body zits. I now have zits on my neck, my ear, and inside my nose. FML

by ewwww / 04/06/2011 at 3:31pm / United States (Virginia) / Health

Today, I went to a baseball game. It was windy, so I decided to get my hat from the car trunk. When I opened it and reached in, loose papers started flying everywhere. Panicked, my dad slammed the trunk shut on my fingers. Entering the stadium, I discovered it was free hat day. FML

by oww / 04/05/2011 at 3:46am / United States (California) / Health

Today, I heard that one of our customers had passed away. Saddened, I told everyone who came into our shop about his death. Understandably, some customers got very upset and one even fainted. Suddenly, the 'dead' man walked into the shop. Turns out I got the name wrong. FML

by Anonymous / 04/04/2011 at 8:17pm / Ireland (Cavan) / Health