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Today, while on the crapper, I learned that morphine has a nasty side-effect. It appears that it can cause a massive rock-hard piece of dung the size of a bus to form in your intestines. I went to the doctor, he handed me a glove and some laxatives and said "Have fun!" FML

#5846674
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26807) - you deserved it (3077)

On 10/15/2009 at 9:59pm - health - by Rob - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was in bed sick from pneumonia. I asked my boyfriend to nuke a can of soup for me. He said "in a sec, let me finish this game" and continued to play on his Xbox for an hour. Starving, I crawled out to make soup. When I sat down to eat, he paused the game and asked "you didn't make me any?" FML

#5826469
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37891) - you deserved it (4875)

On 10/14/2009 at 9:00am - health - by tooflufoschool (woman) - United States (California)

Today, at work, my stomach hurt and I passed gas for relief. Moments later, I discovered that my loose, silent "fart" was actually a wet, sneaky shart. The mess was beyond repair; I had to fake a family emergency and crept out of the office so that my coworkers wouldn't see my obvious crap stain. FML

#5796915
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31744) - you deserved it (8040)

On 10/12/2009 at 2:10pm - health - by Few_Absolutes (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, it was my 19th birthday. My boss let me out early to celebrate. On my way home I was hit by a man doing 65 in a 40mph stretch of road. My car was completely destroyed. I spent the rest of my birthday sitting in the ER being treated for a pinched shoulder nerve and whiplash. FML

#5769676
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38721) - you deserved it (2113)

On 10/11/2009 at 1:09am - health - by WhoDoYouLove6208 (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I had a UTI and the doctor said the medicine can sometimes make you leak a little. "Leak a little" apparently translates into peeing all over myself, my boyfriend, and his bed while we were sleeping. The doctor also said this medicine can stain your urine a beautiful, bright orange color. FML

#5769325
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32629) - you deserved it (2531)

On 10/11/2009 at 12:48am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I decided to see if electric dog collars work on human necks. They do. FML

#5769209
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7529) - you deserved it (107173)

On 10/11/2009 at 12:40am - health - by zappy (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I learned that the excessive groin sweating I've been trying to deal with for weeks isn't groin sweating. It's a slow and steady stream of urine that I have no control over. FML

#5743316
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47017) - you deserved it (3239)

On 10/09/2009 at 5:25pm - health - by lizzzie (woman) - United Kingdom (Dorset)

Today, as I got up from the couch, my computer, which was next to me, fell on to my pinky toe. It fell just so that the edge of it cut my toe open. I cursed, and hobbled toward the bathroom to get a bandage. As I'm going into the bathroom, I stub said toe on the door jamb. FML

#5741744
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32956) - you deserved it (4358)

On 10/09/2009 at 3:52pm - health - by Unlucky (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I woke up in the hallway. I took a sleeping pill the night before to get a good sleep in for work, but it turns out it was too strong. I got dizzy and passed out on my way to my bed, fell in the hall and chipped my two front teeth, and slept there - straight through work the next day. FML

#5737045
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27990) - you deserved it (6651)

On 10/09/2009 at 8:29am - health - by StillDrowsy (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was chewing my pen while I was paying attention to my teacher. I chewed a bit too hard, and something broke off, so I casually looked at my pen. It was unharmed. One of my front teeth had broken off. Everyone in class, including the teacher, had to see it before I could call my dentist. FML

#5705079
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26180) - you deserved it (11545)

On 10/07/2009 at 4:07pm - health - by Nochnoii (man) - Belgium (Antwerpen)

Today, I was eating ice cream and struggling to chew a particularly hard chunk of chocolate. After finally breaking it into pieces, I spat it out because it tasted terrible. Then I discovered that I was missing my temporary crown. Now I have no upper molar. FML

#5696976
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26927) - you deserved it (5648)

On 10/07/2009 at 1:43am - health - by Toothless (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I was eating a packet of chips while watching TV. I saw a crumb on the table in front of me, so without thinking I picked it up and ate it. It wasn't a crumb. It was a tick. FML

#5679809
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12908) - you deserved it (42560)

On 10/06/2009 at 9:01am - health - by ticked (man) - Pakistan (Sindh)

Today, I was sitting around a bonfire when an ember landed on my crotch. Without thinking, I quickly slapped at it and hit myself square in the nuts. FML

#5655008
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12364) - you deserved it (35981)

On 10/05/2009 at 12:16am - health - by Painful (man) - United States (Minnesota)



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