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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, as I was walking through the park I had to yawn. In mid-yawn, with my mouth wide open, I walked right through a spider web getting both the spider and the prey it was eating stuck in my mouth. FML

#5128135
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41822) - you deserved it (7366)

On 09/08/2009 at 3:02pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I woke up, took a shower, made some pasta, drank 3 glasses of water and brushed my teeth. I then left my apartment to see signs posted all over warning us not to use the water without boiling it because the water company just found E-coli in the water. FML

#5126886
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50024) - you deserved it (3699)

On 09/08/2009 at 1:29pm - health - by UhOhhhh (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I discovered that I don't have Herpes or Genital warts. I have acne on my penis. FML

#5082348
241 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58192) - you deserved it (8664)

On 09/06/2009 at 2:19pm - health - by Curt (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, my friend got drunk. We tried to get him into a cab, he punched me in the face, three chavs then accosted me, accusing me of trying to mug him. I was then beaten up by said chavs and then the police charged me for being drunk and disorderly. FML

#5072563
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38250) - you deserved it (2899)

On 09/06/2009 at 12:03am - health - by DrunkenValor (man) - United Kingdom (Warwickshire)

Today, my dentist asked me about my fillings, so I told him that when I was younger, I had 2 cavities. He replied, "No you didn't. I just looked at your x-rays." Turns out my old dentist ripped me off. I never needed fillings. FML

#5061381
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42103) - you deserved it (2111)

On 09/05/2009 at 2:16pm - health - by itsjustnotfair (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I tried to wash my cat in the shower, conveniently naked myself. He disapproved, scratching my man-parts and nicking a vein. I just got back from the hospital with a blood infection, swollen nuts, and an hole in my butt where I had to get a shot of antibiotics. FML

#5021908
269 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14867) - you deserved it (64519)

On 09/03/2009 at 3:55pm - health - by keeperstride (man) - United States (California)

Today, my mum hit me with her car as she was backing out of the drive way, hurting my leg and crushing my bike. For the third time this year. FML

#4994613
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47149) - you deserved it (9265)

On 09/02/2009 at 5:45am - health - by broken (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my best friend thought it would be funny push me off my bike. He thought it was even funnier when the paramedic accidentally dropped me. FML

#4983911
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43091) - you deserved it (2615)

On 09/01/2009 at 8:04pm - health - by Misterhippo (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was at an amusement park with my kids. When we were on the Ferris wheel, I discovered my fear of heights. I hyperventilated, screamed from our seat "LET ME OUT! OH GOD LET ME OUT!!" I also began crying hysterically. They stopped the ride for me to get off. I'm a 45 year old man. FML

#4970470
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38378) - you deserved it (14361)

On 09/01/2009 at 2:30am - health - by pussyOUT (man) - United States

Today, I decided to ride my rusty old bike to work, since it will help the environment. I was standing up and had a tight grip on the handle bars. The handle bars came off and I fell down on the cross bar, busting my nuts. FML

#4967329
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37891) - you deserved it (9132)

On 09/01/2009 at 12:03am - health - by David (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I realized I can hold a pencil in my fat rolls. FML

#4923649
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15873) - you deserved it (56353)

On 08/30/2009 at 3:12am - health - by tomchuq (man) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I was curious as to whether or not my mom was off of her medication. When I asked her, she pulled a knife on me. Looks like I got my answer. FML

#4905255
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46134) - you deserved it (4063)

On 08/29/2009 at 12:46pm - health - by mommy_issues (man) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I stretched really hard when I woke up, only to feel something twang. This was followed by a really sharp pain. Thinking I'd given myself a hernia, I got up to check myself in the mirror, and was repulsed by the bulge I saw hanging out of my gut. Then I realised it was just my own flab. FML

#4903195
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8934) - you deserved it (35992)

On 08/29/2009 at 10:15am - health - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Newcastle upon Tyne)



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