Today, I got kneed in the stomach by a sixth grader. I couldn't breathe. I have a black belt in Taekwondo. FML

by Stiny / 06/01/2011 at 2:44pm / United States / Health

Today, my daughter called for me to come into the bathroom. Turns out the tummy ache she'd been complaining of was actually parasites in her digestive tract. I could swear they were looking at me from the toilet. FML

by mrsekko / 05/31/2011 at 8:44am / United States / Health

Today, when I weighed myself on my scale, it broke. FML

by trev / 05/30/2011 at 12:12pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Health

Today, my only motivation to get out of bed was cupcakes in the refrigerator. FML

by skigal24 / 05/30/2011 at 10:59am / United States (Illinois) / Health

Today, I was snowboarding when a skier cut me off, resulting in me colliding with a 12 year old girl. The girl was totally fine, and I was alright except for a slight nose bleed. I apologized to the girl, then her mom hit me over the back with a ski pole as I snowboarded away. FML

by kerdersty / 05/29/2011 at 11:27pm / Canada / Health

Today, I got so stressed about my upcoming final exams that, in the silent section of the library, I had a panic attack and almost passed out. No one helped me. 3 people shushed me. FML

by justletitbeover / 05/28/2011 at 8:20am / United Kingdom (London) / Health

Today, my boyfriend convinced me to sneak out. As I was climbing out of my 3rd floor window, he got a text and moved the ladder. Now I'm in the hospital with two broken ribs. FML

by epicfail / 05/28/2011 at 2:45am / United States (California) / Health

Today, I was really psyched to go see Kung Fu Panda 2 at the movies. Excited, I tried to do a flying kick off the cafeteria wall at work. Instead of kicking off, my leg crashed through the plasterboard and got stuck. My co-workers had to pull me free. FML

by Anonymous / 05/27/2011 at 8:56pm / United States (Colorado) / Health

Today, I drove my boyfriend to hospital because he felt extremely ill. His buddies had gotten their hands on a taser, and he had the brilliant idea of being shot as part of a Youtube stunt video. Now I have an empty gas tank and have to clean up a puddle of vomit in my living room. FML

by moron / 05/27/2011 at 8:04pm / United States / Health

Today, my sister and I were eating at Wendy's. On the way out, I thought it would be funny to kick the door open and yell, "This is Sparta!" I lost my balance and fell flat on my butt. FML

by taydean / 05/26/2011 at 5:31pm / United States (Colorado) / Health

Today, I found out my mom intentionally puts extra butter and oil in the food she cooks for me because she wants me to be fatter than her. FML

by fatteningmeup / 05/26/2011 at 10:24am / United States / Health

Today, I finally got the wedding dress I've been waiting months to see. It turns out that my mom ordered the dress 2 sizes smaller than my size, this way it will be "an incentive to lose weight". FML

by Angelica / 05/25/2011 at 11:19pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health

Today, while I was mowing the lawn in my backyard, I ran over a glass bottle. My legs looked like a disco ball. FML

by tash / 05/24/2011 at 8:33am / Canada (Ontario) / Health