Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Today, I took a hot plate out of the oven with my fancy silicone oven mitt. Seconds after carefully placing it on the cook top, I picked it up with my left, unprotected hand. FML

#6652180
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6615) - you deserved it (30780)

On 12/07/2009 at 6:08pm - health - by Van (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I sneezed while brushing my teeth and ended up with toothpaste in my eye. I haven't been able to see for two hours. FML

#6631791
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27872) - you deserved it (3549)

On 12/06/2009 at 9:03am - health - by lol (woman) - United Kingdom (North East Lincolnshire)

Today, I found out my diet and exercise plan wasn't nearly as effective when it comes to weight loss as I had originally thought. It turns out what really accounts for all the weight I've been losing is tape worms. FML

#6630317
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31274) - you deserved it (2704)

On 12/06/2009 at 4:16am - health - by wormsick (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I opened up a can of tomato soup I'd taken from my parents' house recently. After eating the whole can, I started feeling a little off, so I checked the expiration date. It expired 12 years ago. FML

#6624561
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13763) - you deserved it (32991)

On 12/05/2009 at 10:37pm - health - by soupduped (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I started growing hair on my upper lip. I'm finally becoming a man! Too bad I'm a 17 year old girl. FML

#6594462
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37066) - you deserved it (4626)

On 12/04/2009 at 12:55am - health - by harry (woman) - Hong Kong

Today, I asked my mom if she could include mashed potatoes and gravy with dinner. She then went on to yell at me about my "unhealthy eating habits" and how I've "gained a lot of weight in the past few months". I'm pregnant. FML

#6587756
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30894) - you deserved it (3681)

On 12/03/2009 at 7:02pm - health - by preggo (woman) - United States

Today, my husband stabbed me with his unusually long nasty toes nails in the leg while he slept. It took 3 stitches to fix it up, my husband and doctor laughed the entire time. He still refuses to cut them. FML

#6578474
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37207) - you deserved it (3451)

On 12/03/2009 at 12:59am - health - by ewww (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, while stepping out of the shower, I slipped and cut my head. I went to the hospital, got 8 stitches and was tested for head trauma. After hours of ignoring my calls and texts, my girlfriend finally responded, very angrily. Why? Today is her birthday, and I "selfishly made it about me." FML

#6565317
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36148) - you deserved it (3640)

On 12/02/2009 at 6:36am - health - by michelle91 (man) - Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur)

Today, I heard my cat climbing on the counters in the kitchen. To prevent a tremendous avalanche of dishes, I picked up the cat and put it outside. She got scared from the blinds and scurried away leaving deep scratches across my nipple. I wasn't wearing a shirt. FML

#6546793
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19567) - you deserved it (14886)

On 12/01/2009 at 2:05am - health - by ihatecats - United States

Today, my mom sat on a pencil and started bleeding. She then made me clean the wound on her butt and put ointment on it. FML

#6522437
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31399) - you deserved it (4320)

On 11/29/2009 at 9:39pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, it's decided, I'm going on diet. For real. But I said that yesterday. And the day before. FML

#6510175
25 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8462) - you deserved it (51574)

On 11/29/2009 at 8:02am - health - by Numnum (woman) - United Kingdom (Greater London)

Today, I am lying next to my new husband. We went to Hawaii for our honeymoon and planned on spending the entire time in bed together. We succeeded in that goal, with both of us unable to leave each other's side for entire week. Sex? No. Food poisoning? Yes. FML

#6497491
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39305) - you deserved it (2867)

On 11/28/2009 at 5:03pm - health - by IndieRox (woman) - United States (California)

Today, a doctor examined my wrist, which is completely swollen and painful. He diagnosed a case of tendonitis and asked me, "Do you use this hand for a particular sort of sport?" I just smiled like a twit. FML

#6480683
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8595) - you deserved it (43169)

On 11/27/2009 at 4:24pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London)



Bénédicte's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • The Xmas illustrated FML
  • Here we go, final lap before Christmas is finally upon us. Although, you could say we've been subjected to quite a few strains of Christmas already. The decorations are up since mid-August, and certain family…

Friday 19 December 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: