Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
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Man or woman?

Today, my teenage daughter asked me to buy her the morning after pill, saying "It's for my acne." FML

#21270394
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35949) - you deserved it (4233)

On 10/03/2014 at 11:08pm - health - by Disappointed -

Today, I found out I'm allergic to condoms. Which would be great if my girlfriend wasn't allergic to birth control. FML

#21270163
218 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44709) - you deserved it (4169)

On 10/03/2014 at 3:04pm - health - by oncehipjr (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my hand was stung by a wasp. It has resulted in all my fingers being swollen and therefore much bigger than usual. I'm getting married tomorrow and there's no way I can get the ring on my finger. FML

#21268375
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39533) - you deserved it (2722)

On 09/30/2014 at 2:46pm - health - by Tampax - Spain (Castilla-La Mancha)

Today, on my first day of sailing practice, I managed to sit on a metal cleat. After being admitted to the ER, I was informed that I had two vaginal lacerations that needed surgery. The nurse tried to convince me it was my lucky day, because the hospital café was serving vanilla pudding. FML

#21267748
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39872) - you deserved it (3545)

On 09/29/2014 at 3:39pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I found out I have an STD, courtesy of my girlfriend. Funnily enough, she was clean when we first started dating. FML

#21267650
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43051) - you deserved it (3835)

On 09/29/2014 at 12:48pm - health - by impure - United States

Today, my insomnia wins. I'm too wired and awake to sleep, but too stoned on my sleeping pills to get up and do something productive. FML

#21267554
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32199) - you deserved it (4016)

On 09/29/2014 at 8:06am - health - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I went into an exam room to do a check-up on one of my patients. I told the little girl's mother that she needed her flu shots. When the girl heard this, she took an apple out of her pocket and threw it at me. FML

#21267077
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33336) - you deserved it (3937)

On 09/28/2014 at 3:26pm - health - by jazzie7719 - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I realized how weak I truly am when I tore a muscle in my hand trying to discreetly fix a wedgie. FML

#21266558
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30500) - you deserved it (5575)

On 09/27/2014 at 7:55pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I'm sick with the worst head cold of my life. For some reason whenever I cough, I also fart. Everyone thinks I'm just trying to cover up flatulence with fake coughing. FML

#21266077
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33762) - you deserved it (2924)

On 09/26/2014 at 10:46pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, I have such severe ADD that I can't focus without my medication. When I take the medication, I can only focus on one thing, but not necessarily the thing I need to be focusing on. I have a chem test soon, and I've been vacuuming my room for the past 4 hours. FML

#21265203
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40980) - you deserved it (4492)

On 09/25/2014 at 3:32pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I was told by my doctor I should start eating meat again after two years of vegetarianism, in an effort to be healthier. After horrid gas after my first turkey sandwich, I was told that my body no longer has the enzymes to digest meat. My efforts to be healthy crippled my stomach. FML

#21264930
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29156) - you deserved it (14577)

On 09/25/2014 at 2:21am - health - by skollasch - United States (California)

Today, I had to inform my roommate that dry shampoo, deodorant, and perfume are not the same as a shower. It's been two weeks. FML

#21263853
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35501) - you deserved it (2476)

On 09/23/2014 at 2:30pm - health - by catgiraffegirl (woman) - United States

Today, I got yelled at by a bleeding-heart hippy in the restroom for using paper towels. Apparently I'm a "tree-hating, paper-wasting bitch". I had a nosebleed. FML

#21263128
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33989) - you deserved it (2574)

On 09/22/2014 at 1:41pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)



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