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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I was sitting in the break room at work eating lunch when I started to choke. My face turned red and tears began welling up in my eyes. Two of my coworkers were there. They began to argue over who would have to give me the heimlich maneuver rather than helping. FML

#4095368
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38474) - you deserved it (2028)

On 07/28/2009 at 12:11am - health - by swaiteATC (man) - United States (Mississippi)

Today, while doing aerobics in my room, I started doing really powerful Knee Highs. My cell phone fell out of my pocket while doing one knee high. As I looked down, I kneed myself in the face. I spent the next couple hours in the emergency room while the doctor told everyone my story. FML

#4054233
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29836) - you deserved it (17137)

On 07/26/2009 at 1:39pm - health - by mobster (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my nose was really stuffed up and I was out of cold medicine. I heard spices may help with this kind of problem. Unfortunately I thought red pepper would be a great thing to snort at the time. Not only is my nose still stuffed up but I also have immense nasal pain. FML

#4046388
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5716) - you deserved it (73401)

On 07/26/2009 at 1:57am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I went to the dentist to have two cavities filled. I hate the dentist. After he'd started drilling, I heard a "clunk" noise followed by an "Oops." My dentist had cut my tooth in half. Now I have to go to surgery to have the tooth extracted. FML

#4020266
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45306) - you deserved it (2215)

On 07/25/2009 at 12:21am - health - by Toothy. (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I was helping my sister by getting some old boxes down from her attic. Too bad I didn't realize the piece of plywood I was standing on doesn't extend all over the attic floor. Of course, I did realize it when I went through the ceiling onto the concrete floor of her garage. FML

#3973992
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31385) - you deserved it (4000)

On 07/23/2009 at 7:45am - health - by SBT1030 (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, at the dentist, the new, rather airy assistant went to prep me for an extraction. She began pulling on something in my mouth, and a moment later, I felt intense pain and then the wetness of blood. She was trying to pull out "that weird wire thing". In other words, my permanent retainer. FML

#3958624
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59913) - you deserved it (2164)

On 07/22/2009 at 6:36pm - health - by retainer (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, a resident went missing at our nursing home. When I found him, a man in a blue shirt and red pants, he started yelling at me in confusion. I just thought it was his alzheimers. When I brought him to my administrator, I was told the missing resident was wearing a red shirt and blue pants. Wrong guy. FML

#3933300
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15778) - you deserved it (34200)

On 07/21/2009 at 4:22pm - health - by torkx3 (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I came home from living in Spain for 2 years. My mom made dinner for me, and she had forgotten about my allergy to citrus, because she made lemon chicken. After using my EpiPen, and calling 911 for myself, I heard my mom say to my dad, "She always did have to be the center of attention." FML

#3927246
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57138) - you deserved it (3169)

On 07/21/2009 at 11:19am - health - by Lemonhead (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I received a medical bill because my daughter thought it would be hilarious to try and fit her fist in her mouth. She succeeded in getting it in, but not in getting it out. FML

#3907328
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37139) - you deserved it (3011)

On 07/20/2009 at 3:10pm - health - by KnuckleSandwich (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was at a Starbucks drive-thru and was grabbing a hot coffee when I got rear ended and my car hit the vehicle in front of me which deployed my airbag. Hot coffee can really burn when it hits your face at a high rate of speed. FML

#3875219
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47619) - you deserved it (3304)

On 07/19/2009 at 3:25am - health - by coffeeburns (man) - United States

Today, I went to a restaurant for lunch. The waiter brought some bread and I started eating it as I waited for him to take my order. When he approached me he looked at me and said, "Don't eat too much bread honey. It'll make you fatter." Not fat, fatter. I never thought of myself as fat. FML

#3746526
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38106) - you deserved it (5993)

On 07/14/2009 at 2:03pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Spain (Madrid)

Today, I received an email with a link to a story about a man who lost 650 pounds. I ignored it, until I saw who sent it. My mom, with the message "Maybe there's hope for you." FML

#3740812
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37726) - you deserved it (7641)

On 07/14/2009 at 7:41am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my building's elevators were temporarily out of service. I climbed up 17 flights of stairs only to realize I left my keys downstairs. After the painful climb back up, the elevator lights came on. FML

#3713187
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34928) - you deserved it (5756)

On 07/13/2009 at 9:25am - health - by Tired (woman) - Philippines (Bulacan)



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