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Today, I was in a video chat with an old friend who I haven't talked to in years, and my mom walks in. The first thing she says is, "Did you close the toilet after you pooped? Cause today on the news I heard that your poop particles can fly up to 25 feet, landing on your toothbrush." FML

#5593248
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30403) - you deserved it (2681)

On 10/01/2009 at 9:09pm - health - by Poop (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I realized that I can't shave my unibrow because I have too much acne on my forehead. FML

#5583286
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50647) - you deserved it (9496)

On 10/01/2009 at 11:49am - health - by ugh (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was on my computer when the girl that I really like instant-messages me. I went to type back, accidentally pressed control-V, and posted an entire article on how to remove genital warts. FML

#5579268
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13360) - you deserved it (40975)

On 10/01/2009 at 1:58am - health - by Garrett (man) - United States (Oregon) - moderated by Kevin Nealon

Today, I went to the coffee shop for my usual morning latte before class. When I got my drink, I asked again to make sure it was soy. The barista assured me it was. It wasn't. I'm ridiculously lactose intolerant and just spent six hours throwing up because she was too lazy to correct her mistake. FML

#5564287
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39933) - you deserved it (3298)

On 09/30/2009 at 11:12am - health - by sick (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my boyfriend found out that he has kidney failure. He was feeling sick for a few weeks and I had told him to drink lots of fluids and eat vegetables. Apparently that is really bad for kidney patients. I was killing him with water and spinach salads. FML

Today, I was at a baseball game. I was eating my nachos when all of the sudden I woke up in the hospital, with my dad sitting next to the bed. Apparently, I was hit with a foul ball. He kept the ball for himself. FML

#5492768
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32738) - you deserved it (2680)

On 09/26/2009 at 8:40pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I was trying to sneak up my husband while he was playing a computer game. As I was getting behind the chair, he paused the game and sat up straight. I stopped. He turned around and sneezed violently and blew a bunch of snot into my face and eyes. FML

#5477011
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27267) - you deserved it (17186)

On 09/25/2009 at 11:47pm - health - by snottyface (woman) - United States

Today, I pulled a bee off of my friend's dog because we were worried he could be allergic. Of course I got stung, and of course the dog wasn't allergic. Turns out I am. FML

#5463799
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34553) - you deserved it (4817)

On 09/25/2009 at 9:09am - health - by boomstick (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I decided to start making healthier decisions. Instead of the usual cheeseburger I have for lunch I ate an apple instead. I took one bite and broke one of my teeth. Apparently, apples keep the doctor away, but not dentists. FML

#5462449
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31369) - you deserved it (6669)

On 09/25/2009 at 4:43am - health - by SterlingEnigma (woman) - United States (Alaska)

Today, I realized that my alcoholism has gotten so bad that I rotate liquor stores so the clerks don't think bad about me. FML

#5407765
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13612) - you deserved it (47121)

On 09/22/2009 at 12:37am - health - by Cpt_Concerned (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I wasn't feeling too good, and took my temperature. I had a fever, which I told my boyfriend who was laughing hysterically when I told him. I asked him what was so funny, turns out he's been using the thermometer to take our dog's temperature sometimes. Rectally, of course. FML

#5332273
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37683) - you deserved it (5010)

On 09/18/2009 at 1:48pm - health - by anonymous - Sent from mobile version

Today, my professor informed me that if I didn't "show more commitment" to my choral ensemble he would give my spot to a "more interested young woman." I missed class to see my neurologist. Apparently my seizures are a symptom of lack of commitment. FML

#5312415
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33347) - you deserved it (2340)

On 09/17/2009 at 1:32pm - health - by OutOfLuck (woman) - United States (Indiana)



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