Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
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Man or woman?

Today, I now know why my next-door neighbour can't look me in the eye without smirking. He can hear every grunt, groan, fart and strain that happens in my bathroom from his bathroom. FML

#14656161
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26610) - you deserved it (3470)

On 01/20/2011 at 10:55pm - health - by Username -

Today, I came to school really sick because I had to take an important exam. After I finally finished, I accidentally sneezed on my answer sheet right before turning it in. The teacher refused to take it. FML

#14646184
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29786) - you deserved it (4234)

On 01/20/2011 at 12:47am - health - by sickly (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out that it's extremely difficult to take a dump while holding a cup under your ass for a lab specimen. I also found out that you get so nervous that you can actually forget to lock the door. FML

#14635663
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28079) - you deserved it (5410)

On 01/19/2011 at 3:34am - health - by Anonymous (man) - Lebanon

Today, I was going to the bathroom at my boyfriend's house. I had awful diarrhea and was almost done, when I noticed a spider on the ground. Being terrified, I took a giant ball of toilet paper to kill it. I realized then that I had no toilet paper left to use. FML

#14634381
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10955) - you deserved it (33527)

On 01/19/2011 at 12:45am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I found out that since no other procedures are working, I was required to stop eating, and drink a bunch of foul tasting 'goo', which will in turn give me constant diarrhea. This will then prepare me nicely for the long tube with a camera on the end of which will be shoved up my rectum. FML

#14630970
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24752) - you deserved it (3646)

On 01/18/2011 at 8:51pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my extremely lazy roommate is in bed with the flu. Instead of getting up to get water, he's run the garden hose through his window, and instead of going to the bathroom, he's connected a siphon to his penis and run it to a 5-gallon bucket. I have to live with this idiot. FML

#14626510
224 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34877) - you deserved it (4989)

On 01/18/2011 at 1:35pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I have a cold and need to blow my nose all the time. The problem is that every time I blow my nose, I get a nosebleed. When I breathe through my mouth, I have a coughing fit. So I have to choose between not breathing, coughing up mucus or blowing blood. FML

#14625013
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30681) - you deserved it (2913)

On 01/18/2011 at 9:37am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I went to the ER after a fall. Before the nurse did an X-Ray, she gave me a pregnancy test. It came back negative. I joked "No martians have crawled into my uterus, then?" She didn't get it, and I had my head scanned for brain trauma. Never crack a joke in a hospital. FML

#14618568
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29063) - you deserved it (7413)

On 01/17/2011 at 9:08pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I broke my nose by sneezing too close to a table. FML

#14614721
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28691) - you deserved it (7367) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/17/2011 at 3:13pm - health - by SkinsCastSelection - France - Chosen by the cast of Skins

Today, I signed my own plaster-cast to make people believe that I actually have friends. FML

#14608704
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28305) - you deserved it (7382) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/17/2011 at 1:24am - health - by SkinsCastSelection - France - Chosen by the cast of Skins

Today, I discovered that I've lost thirty pounds since having my second child. However, I still weigh just as much as I did when I was full-term with my first child. FML

#14600676
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25422) - you deserved it (8335)

On 01/16/2011 at 12:38pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Alaska)

Today, I found out everyone in my family thought the red toothbrush was theirs, and that all four of us have been using the same toothbrush for months. FML

#14596150
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39226) - you deserved it (8172)

On 01/16/2011 at 12:11am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, it's the 3 month anniversary marking the day two friends and I shaved our heads as a show of solidarity for a friend starting chemo. Her prognosis is good and her hair only thinned slightly. We, on the other hand, look like a motley crew of lesbian biker chicks. FML

#14585633
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28934) - you deserved it (10428)

On 01/15/2011 at 2:09am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)



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