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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I decided to have a midnight snack. I figured I knew my own house well enough to leave the lights off so my mom wouldn't wake up. Chuckling at the brilliance of my plan, I walked straight into a doorframe and bust up my nose. FML

#7031630
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6986) - you deserved it (25569)

On 12/30/2009 at 6:30am - health - by Username - Sent from mobile version

Today, I woke up with the flu that causes me to throw up violently until I dry heave and can't breathe. I told my mom I would rather have the runs, and not even a minute later, I got them. So now if I move too fast, I throw up, and if I don't move fast enough, I shit myself. FML

#7022853
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35733) - you deserved it (3352)

On 12/29/2009 at 10:11pm - health - by sickofsick - United States

Today, I woke up from a nap and thought I felt somebody's arm in my bed. I frantically start hitting it and start screaming. I soon realized it was my own arm. I had fallen asleep on it, and it was completely numb, I couldn't feel a thing. FML

#7004520
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19241) - you deserved it (10324)

On 12/29/2009 at 12:11am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my mom held an intervention for me. Yesterday, I told her I'd tried pot once. Seven years ago. FML

#6983853
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28983) - you deserved it (5211)

On 12/28/2009 at 12:02am - health - by EgoMoose (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was told by 'Seventeen' to add liquid highlighter to my foundation for an all-over glow. Little did I know that liquid highlighter is an actual makeup product. I now have an awful rash due to applying the ink from a highlighter pen. FML

#6955134
241 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7742) - you deserved it (83440)

On 12/26/2009 at 11:18am - health - by rtrim29 (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I have an Urinary Tract Infection, causing me to have to use the bathroom about every ten minutes. I'm also about to leave on a 15 hour car trip with my entire family. FML

#6949981
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31342) - you deserved it (2286)

On 12/26/2009 at 12:41am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was riding the train home, and I sat in the row in front of a homeless woman. I noticed an old man staring at me. I got off the train after a long 6 stops, and the old man who had been staring at me walks up to me and says "The lady behind you was flicking lice onto you the whole time." FML

#6949420
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38969) - you deserved it (2171)

On 12/26/2009 at 12:16am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got into a car accident. I got into it because I noticed a flashy new sign on the highway that read "Being an attentive driver prevents car crashes". Thanks for the notice. FML

#6930680
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23025) - you deserved it (5860)

On 12/24/2009 at 11:08pm - health - by RoxMySox - United States (Texas)

Today, I used the tanning booth for the first time. Not only was I so white that I received first-degree burns all over my body, but I also forgot to remove my knee-high socks. FML

#6917570
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6719) - you deserved it (40963)

On 12/24/2009 at 5:06am - health - by Ellowise (woman) - Belgium (Brussels Hoofdstedelijk Gewest)

Today, after spending the past 4 days asking both my husband and my father-in-law to salt our sidewalk, I slipped on the ice. I hit my head on our concrete stairs. While holding ice on my head, my father-in-law pats my head and says "I'll go get some salt." FML

#6900019
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22403) - you deserved it (7941)

On 12/23/2009 at 9:30am - health - by SnowyConcussion (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I wore a pair of glasses with no lenses because I thought I'd look smarter. I ended up poking myself in the eye several times, leaving it swollen. So much for making me look smarter. FML

#6859062
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4063) - you deserved it (48761)

On 12/21/2009 at 1:25am - health - by farmakakis (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I had a mental breakdown after going through severe depression for several years. I told my boyfriend that everybody thinks I'm useless, to which he replied, "No you're not. You cook me good dinners." FML

#6850424
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25762) - you deserved it (6986)

On 12/20/2009 at 5:40pm - health - by Suicidal (woman) - Australia (Queensland)



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