Today, I got my braces off. I also got my tongue pierced. Both by my orthodontist. FML

by OUCH. / 11/17/2011 at 4:27pm / United States / Health

Today, after years of training myself to crave healthier foods in order to lose weight, I found out that some of my favorite health-foods actually aggravate my hypothyroidism, and indirectly reduce my metabolism. Broccoli and soybeans are making me fat. FML

by healthfoodshmealthfood / 11/17/2011 at 9:34am / United States (New York) / Health

Today, I learned how hard it is to remove peanut butter from your own eye. FML

by ray / 11/17/2011 at 6:22am / United States / Health

Today, I moved to California. Too bad the rest of my belongings didn't. FML

by tomoxishigaki / 11/16/2011 at 8:32pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, I had an anxiety attack because I thought I'd lost my anxiety medication. It ended up being on the shelf right where I left it. FML

by anxiety / 11/16/2011 at 12:11am / United States (Oregon) / Health

Today, and all day, I was forced to listen to one of the kids in my apartment building play their recorder loudly and horribly. She started over whenever she missed a note. I was sick, was getting a migraine from it, and couldn't ask her to stop without her mom yelling at me. FML

by mintypoison / 11/13/2011 at 11:46pm / United States (Washington) / Health

Today, only after I almost knocked myself out cold with the shampoo bottle, did I finally get some out. FML

by Courtney / 11/12/2011 at 4:13pm / United States (North Carolina) / Health

Today, I found out that my husband thinks I'm fat when I caught him slipping diet pills into my morning smoothie. FML

by apparentfatty / 11/11/2011 at 6:50am / Canada / Health

Today, my buddy told me he was going to get an HIV test at the health department. Without thinking, I told him to "think positive". FML

by devinchi / 11/11/2011 at 3:42am / United States / Health

Today, I went to a dinner party. I had a bad stomach, so I made a dash to the bathroom and forgot to lock the door. While I was in, I heard some voices outside. In a panic, my reflex was to get up and lock the door. I did so, while simultaneously shitting all over myself. FML

by stinkypants / 11/09/2011 at 10:15pm / India / Health

Today, I had botox injections to stop my face sweating so much. Now the sweat is almost gone, but my facial expression seems to be stuck on "baffled." FML

by Anonymous / 11/07/2011 at 11:41pm / United States (Arizona) / Health

Today, I picked up a broken piece of seemingly velvety cactus to show my mom. I now have a million microscopic, painful splinters in my fingers. FML

by OhHeySlogan / 11/06/2011 at 1:24pm / United States (Texas) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I had a panic attack. Not on a crowded train, or an airplane, or in school, or any of the expected places. It was in my yoga class, which my therapist recommended for me, while I was in a dead-body position. FML

by panickygrl / 11/06/2011 at 12:43pm / United States (Virginia) / Health