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Today, I found a hornet's nest in the backyard, so I called my brother over to take a look. He said "Hmm, wonder how fast you can run." then hurled a rock at the nest and sprinted back to the house. I wasn't so fast. I now feel like someone's beaten me half to death with a cactus. FML

#21323182
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34147) - you deserved it (3717)

On 12/24/2014 at 9:43am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was complimented on my freckles. I don't actually have freckles, just a load of blackheads that won't go away. FML

#21322767
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28020) - you deserved it (3185)

On 12/23/2014 at 3:41pm - health - by eamiller (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, half of my motivation to stop drinking is so that my tolerance will go down, because I currently can't actually afford enough alcohol to get even tipsy anymore. FML

#21319263
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27269) - you deserved it (11729)

On 12/17/2014 at 5:41pm - health - by Recovering Alcoholic - United Kingdom (Nottinghamshire)

Today, I felt a horrible pain while having sex with my wife, and I had to stop. I thought it was a hernia or something, but she called me a liar and accused me of everything from not finding her attractive, to me cheating on her. It turned out I had appendicitis. She still won't apologize. FML

#21319192
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39887) - you deserved it (2555)

On 12/17/2014 at 3:09pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I got a new downstairs neighbor. Herpes. FML

#21318606
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24468) - you deserved it (33249)

On 12/16/2014 at 4:04pm - health - by fuck - Norway (Buskerud)

Today, I asked my spouse to help me apply some hemorrhoid relief cream, since I couldn't see what was going on down there clearly. Next time, I hope I'll remember if I'm still in a conference call with my online classmates so they don't witness the whole thing again. FML

Today, I noticed that I'm way more productive when I'm drinking than when I'm not. I think I just figured out why I'm related to so many alcoholics. FML

#21315807
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27321) - you deserved it (3088)

On 12/11/2014 at 8:17pm - health - by anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I got to experience the horror of my wife's pregnancy. She woke me up abruptly at 5 am by throwing up all over me due to her terrible morning sickness, then ate pickles covered in mayonnaise, and later dropped to the floor sobbing when I told her we were out of dog food. FML

#21315694
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35586) - you deserved it (4297)

On 12/11/2014 at 4:47pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was sitting on a fence watching a friend play soccer. He accidentally kicked the ball at my face and made me fall off the fence into mud. I laughed it off and got back on the fence. Two seconds later he did the same exact thing. I fell wrong and slammed my face into the fence. Pain. FML

#21315479
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27060) - you deserved it (5531)

On 12/11/2014 at 7:08am - health - by No thanks - United States

Today, while fasting for a medical test, my blood sugar became so low that I had heart palpitations and passed out. My doctor's advice? Fast, so he can run more tests. FML

#21314271
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29168) - you deserved it (2412)

On 12/09/2014 at 4:39am - health - by fucking moron (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I found out I have sodium fluoride poisoning. Apparently, my water has a high level of sodium fluorine. I've been drinking much more water lately trying to be healthier. FML

#21313951
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30823) - you deserved it (2508)

On 12/08/2014 at 6:23pm - health - by anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, I woke up with a swollen lump on my throat. It's extremely painful. My dad named it Gretchen and now talks about it as if it's a person. FML

#21311698
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28064) - you deserved it (2413)

On 12/04/2014 at 10:29pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, I injured my knee during dance class. When it started to feel a little bit better, I tried dancing again. I tripped, fell, and broke my wrist. FML

#21311641
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27777) - you deserved it (5474)

On 12/04/2014 at 8:54pm - health - by dumb dancer - United States (Michigan)



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