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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I sneezed while I was throwing up into the toilet. It turns out that throwing up is even less pleasant when the puke violently shoots out through your nose. FML

#8554799
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31077) - you deserved it (2233)

On 02/22/2010 at 2:32pm - health - by mynoseburns (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I was swimming in the fast lane at the pool. A guy in blue trunks was swimming slowly and really getting on everyone's nerves. I took a break, and looking around I couldn't see him. I turned to the guy next to me and said, "Finally, Mr. Blue Trunks has f**ked off." It was Mr. Blue Trunks. FML

#8550673
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6704) - you deserved it (34157)

On 02/22/2010 at 10:35am - health - by AngelAshley (woman) - United Kingdom (Kent)

Today, my boyfriend was telling me about accidentally punching his best friend in the face. As he was acting it out he ended up punching me and giving me a bloody nose. FML

#8541185
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23561) - you deserved it (2831)

On 02/22/2010 at 12:44am - health - by Username - United States

Today, my dad and I were shovelling snow off the roof. I told him I was going to jump off the roof. He told me to go ahead, so I did. He failed to tell me that the snow was packed and wouldn't break my fall. I now have an injured back. He didn't tell me because he didn't think I would actually do it. FML

#8500345
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7144) - you deserved it (33349)

On 02/21/2010 at 12:14am - health - by Braced (woman) - United States (West Virginia)

Today, I had food poisoning. I spent all day on the can. I also had a bucket to throw up into at the same time. I was sick out of both ends, at the same time. FML

#8499818
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27601) - you deserved it (2290)

On 02/21/2010 at 12:05am - health - by Will - Sent from mobile version

Today, I went to the hospital to get my ingrown toenail removed. The doctors put me on a little surgery table and told me to relax. They then injected anesthetic into my toe four times and used a pair of scissors to slowly cut through my nail. Only, the anesthetic hadn't started to work just yet. FML

#8474571
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26920) - you deserved it (2202)

On 02/20/2010 at 10:13am - health - by papertrains (woman) - Singapore

Today, I was in pain due to overdoing it at the gym yesterday, so I thought a hot shower might help. Not only was there no hot water because of my sister's hour long showers, but I slipped getting out and hit my head. Now the pain is worse. FML

#8473008
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20059) - you deserved it (2696)

On 02/20/2010 at 9:03am - health - by bcoper - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, after having my bath, I realised that I've gotten so fat that I have to lift up my butt cheeks in order to dry underneath them. FML

#8466183
240 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8048) - you deserved it (36948)

On 02/20/2010 at 1:09am - health - by fatflabbyfail - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I was in a public restroom when someone took the toilet next to mine. Moments later, a used tampon rolls into my cubicle followed by an "Oops!" A creeping hand then promptly reached under to retrieve it. Both her hand and the tampon touched my bare toes. FML

#8456724
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28844) - you deserved it (3570)

On 02/19/2010 at 9:21pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I went bowling with my friends. As I was about to take my turn, my friend came up behind me and yelled in my ear, "Don't mess up!" Startled, I dropped the ball on my foot. FML

#8448273
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20272) - you deserved it (3319)

On 02/19/2010 at 5:00pm - health - by lexiiiiiiweee - United States

Today, I was walking to work, when I slipped and landed on my tail bone. Worse still, my hot coffee went flying into my face. I currently can't see out of my left eye. FML

#8443667
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21989) - you deserved it (1953)

On 02/19/2010 at 1:44pm - health - by corleon198425 - United States

Today, I had to help my dad remove a splinter. From his butt. FML

#8416746
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27255) - you deserved it (2384)

On 02/18/2010 at 7:44pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, a picture fell off of the wall in the middle of the night. It hit me smack bang in the middle of face. FML

#8403549
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21324) - you deserved it (3290)

On 02/18/2010 at 9:22am - health - by Hayleey_079 (woman) - United Kingdom (Gloucestershire)



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