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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I was walking down the hallway when someone opened a door, smashing it into me. The bump makes it look like I have a third boob. FML

#9158160
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22315) - you deserved it (3488)

On 03/17/2010 at 12:16pm - health - by Ouch (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, it's Saint Patrick's Day and the nicest day of the year so far. I'm spending it in the bathroom, puking up the sushi I'd eaten last night. The luck of the Irish can't help me on this one. FML

#9158152
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20873) - you deserved it (4691)

On 03/17/2010 at 12:15pm - health - by patrick - United States

Today, my schlong decided to enter Mortal Kombat with my pants zipper. Guess which of the two won a flawless victory? FML

#9133208
277 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26880) - you deserved it (6954)

On 03/16/2010 at 2:55pm - health - by liu_kang - United States

Today, I had four teeth pulled, and my mom brought me some ice cream to help with the pain. I fell asleep before I could finish it, and without realising, I left the bowl on my bed. I woke up a few hours later with ice cream spilled all over me, my pants, and all over my now-dead phone. FML

#9131869
26 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21968) - you deserved it (9490)

On 03/16/2010 at 1:40pm - health - by hkkilla - United States

Today, I looked at my face to see if my new age-defying lotion was working. My skin does look younger, it's covered in pimples like a teenager's. FML

#9098787
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23345) - you deserved it (4954)

On 03/15/2010 at 7:50am - health - by pizzaface (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I found out my boyfriend thinks I'm too high maintenance because I have a chronic illness which requires frequent hospitalization. FML

#9059310
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28770) - you deserved it (2933)

On 03/13/2010 at 10:17pm - health - by bobby - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I followed an acne treatment. It was only after I'd finished the treatment that I read the bottom line, stating "Do not scrub your face". I only had one pimple to start with, now it looks like I sandpapered my face. FML

#9057957
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6818) - you deserved it (26097)

On 03/13/2010 at 9:30pm - health - by Painfulfaceforme - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I spent all day and last night in the bathroom. The seafood I'd been keeping in the refrigerator apparently had gone bad, and is now intent on finding its every possible route to the Great Porcelain Whirlpool. FML

#9026047
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16089) - you deserved it (7285)

On 03/12/2010 at 4:44pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire)

Today, I became that small percent of people who face three different kinds of complications after their wisdom teeth are removed. FML

#9000843
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22587) - you deserved it (1755)

On 03/11/2010 at 5:23pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I learned that even though they say that an apple a day keeps the doctor away, it doesn't keep him from putting a Q-tip up your ass. FML

#8994102
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20690) - you deserved it (3098)

On 03/11/2010 at 9:44am - health - by captainkevineff - United States

Today, I was applying some acne ointment. The directions said, "Apply a thin layer, covering the entire affected area." In other words, for me: My entire face. Lovely. FML

#8988436
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20164) - you deserved it (3642)

On 03/11/2010 at 12:04am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I started biting my nails, before I realized I'd forgotten to wash my hands after taking a massive dump. FML

#8973652
227 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4761) - you deserved it (54306)

On 03/10/2010 at 3:53pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, I discovered that my mother uses my eyebrow tweezers to pull ticks off the dog. She also hasn't figured out that just dipping the tweezers in alcohol doesn't automatically sterilize them. Especially if there is icky dog hair still stuck on. FML

#8958709
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19369) - you deserved it (2686)

On 03/09/2010 at 10:12pm - health - by whoanoa (woman) - United States (Maryland)



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