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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, after taking a pregnancy test and carefully disposing of all the evidence so no one would find out, I realized I left the receipt for it on the bathroom counter. I noticed too late as I watch my mom step out of the bathroom, and my step-father go in right after. FML

#10520855
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8155) - you deserved it (27523)

On 05/14/2010 at 12:33am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my mom decided our whole family is going on a diet. Why? Because the vet told us our dog is overweight, and she "didn't want Twix to suffer alone." FML

#10501426
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29941) - you deserved it (4329)

On 05/13/2010 at 2:01am - health - by fatpooch (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I decided to go on a diet to lose some weight before summer. This was followed by the arrival of a giant parcel full of candy from my mother. FML

#10481687
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22182) - you deserved it (5392)

On 05/12/2010 at 5:49am - health - by nick - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I was getting my portrait done. The artist told me to smile. He looked at me, then said, "Oh, don't smile." FML

#10066233
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29492) - you deserved it (4029)

On 04/22/2010 at 1:37pm - health - by :) - Greece (Attiki)

Today, I wrapped a towel around my waist so I could take a dump while using my laptop. I sat on the toilet seat and let a big load go. Turns out I forgot to unwrap the towel. FML

#9918494
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7849) - you deserved it (63734)

On 04/16/2010 at 8:34am - health - by TowelSmellsNice (man) - Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur)

Today, I told my boyfriend that my period was now over three weeks late. He still doesn't believe me since it's April Fool's day. But I'm not kidding. FML

#9544188
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33469) - you deserved it (7595)

On 04/01/2010 at 4:28am - health - by worried (woman) - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, I went in for a doctors appointment. When I got on the scale, I was really excited to see that I'd lost ten pounds since the last time I weighed myself at the gym. The doctor then severely lectured me on the fact that I had gained twenty since my visit last year. FML

#9160182
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21143) - you deserved it (8476)

On 03/17/2010 at 2:26pm - health - by Betty (woman) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I was walking down the hallway when someone opened a door, smashing it into me. The bump makes it look like I have a third boob. FML

#9158160
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22321) - you deserved it (3488)

On 03/17/2010 at 12:16pm - health - by Ouch (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, it's Saint Patrick's Day and the nicest day of the year so far. I'm spending it in the bathroom, puking up the sushi I'd eaten last night. The luck of the Irish can't help me on this one. FML

#9158152
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20875) - you deserved it (4691)

On 03/17/2010 at 12:15pm - health - by patrick - United States

Today, my schlong decided to enter Mortal Kombat with my pants zipper. Guess which of the two won a flawless victory? FML

#9133208
277 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26890) - you deserved it (6955)

On 03/16/2010 at 2:55pm - health - by liu_kang - United States

Today, I had four teeth pulled, and my mom brought me some ice cream to help with the pain. I fell asleep before I could finish it, and without realising, I left the bowl on my bed. I woke up a few hours later with ice cream spilled all over me, my pants, and all over my now-dead phone. FML

#9131869
26 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21979) - you deserved it (9490)

On 03/16/2010 at 1:40pm - health - by hkkilla - United States

Today, I looked at my face to see if my new age-defying lotion was working. My skin does look younger, it's covered in pimples like a teenager's. FML

#9098787
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23351) - you deserved it (4954)

On 03/15/2010 at 7:50am - health - by pizzaface (woman) - United States (Illinois)



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