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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, after a week of insomnia, I finally managed to fall asleep. Thirty minutes later, my friends decided to bang on my door, yelling at me to wake up and party with them. I'm now wide awake and hallucinating from lack of sleep. FML

#14232649
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30621) - you deserved it (3594)

On 12/17/2010 at 4:48am - health - by dmsmcd (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I discovered that the painful eczema I get every winter was actually being caused by the moisturising cream I use to treat it. FML

#14221798
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25738) - you deserved it (3824)

On 12/16/2010 at 7:06am - health - by spleg (man) - United Kingdom (Northamptonshire)

Today, I found out what sound a hammer makes when it strikes the back of my hand. FML

#14220406
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25277) - you deserved it (5449)

On 12/16/2010 at 1:32am - health - by nukebroadcast - United States (Nevada)

Today, in art class, we made plaster masks. We were supposed to put Vaseline on our partner's face so the plaster didn't rip their facial hair out. My partner forgot to put it on my eye brows and eye lashes. My face is now completely hairless. FML

#14217567
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32073) - you deserved it (6690)

On 12/15/2010 at 9:30pm - health - by Charlayyyy -

Today, I was in the bathroom in a rush to get ready. Without thinking, I put hand soap on my toothbrush. I didn't notice until it was already in my mouth. FML

#14214762
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9907) - you deserved it (23795)

On 12/15/2010 at 5:32pm - health - by captfml (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I went to feed my neighbor's cat while he was out of town. The cat was sick, so part of my job was to give it a pill each time I came. Cats don't like swallowing pills. My neighbor forgot to mention that his cat wasn't declawed. I was wearing shorts. FML

#14199990
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23769) - you deserved it (5610)

On 12/14/2010 at 6:52am - health - by anonymous - United States

Today, I was in a public restroom taking a dump. It's difficult for me to do it in public, so to make it easier I kept telling myself "Nobody's here, you're all alone." I then heard "No, you're not." I didn't realize I was saying it out loud. And that I wasn't alone. FML

#14199411
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15256) - you deserved it (28222)

On 12/14/2010 at 4:26am - health - by shit (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I read that using vegetable oil would give your legs a smooth feel, especially if you haven't shaved for weeks. So I tried it out. My legs felt slimy, the oil clogged up the blades, and I was reduced to shaving my legs with a naked razor head and soapy water. Endlessly smooth indeed. FML

#14195214
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6467) - you deserved it (23996)

On 12/13/2010 at 8:55pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I missed work because I was at the hospital getting treated for accidentally inhaling chlorine gas. I didn't realize that using Comet Industrial Strength Cleanser to scrub out a cat litter pan could be so hazardous. FML

#14189532
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9299) - you deserved it (21739)

On 12/13/2010 at 10:27am - health - by lakb -

Today, the elevator got stuck in between floor 4 and 5 at my doctors office. I had been having violent diarrhea. It was the reason I was at the doctor. Elevator was stuck for 35 minutes. During that time, I diarrhea'd in my pants twice. There were seven other people in the elevator. FML

#14187537
225 comments

I agree, your life sucks (99913) - you deserved it (5443)

On 12/13/2010 at 4:16am - health - by Christopher - Canada (Alberta)

Today, at Arby's, there were two cute guys behind me in line. Right before ordering, my dad said loudly "Go get the calorie sheet. You need to lose more weight before you think about going after those guys." FML

#14186357
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34859) - you deserved it (4883)

On 12/13/2010 at 1:29am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, after months of dieting, I finally reached my goal weight. Excitedly I told my boyfriend, who gave me a beautiful dress as an early Christmas present. It was a size too small. FML

#14179989
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26864) - you deserved it (4678)

On 12/12/2010 at 3:32pm - health - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, I was taking the bus back to my university campus, having left work early feeling sick. While on the bus I started retching. I managed to hold it in for a while, but as I stood up to get off the bus, I started puking through my mouth and nose. This was in front of twenty other passengers. FML

#14153644
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26674) - you deserved it (2706)

On 12/10/2010 at 12:21pm - health - by pukathlon - United States (New Hampshire)



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